


Soft Cruelty

by dokidokiphanpy



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Daddy Issues, Denial of Feelings, Family Feels, Family Issues, Father Figures, Father-Son Relationship, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Peter Quill, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Peter Quill, Parent Death, Parent Yondu Udonta, Peter Quill Feels, Physical Abuse, Pre-Canon, Pre-Guardians of the Galaxy (2014), Protective Yondu Udonta, Science Fiction, Space Pirates, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-06-29 14:06:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 44,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19831789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dokidokiphanpy/pseuds/dokidokiphanpy
Summary: Peter Quill's childhood in space among the Ravagers and the evolution of his father-son relationship with their captain, Yondu Udonta, through moments of sadness, rage, abuse, fun, tenderness and joy.





	1. I'll Give You Something to Live For

**Author's Note:**

> Quill and Yondu's relationship has a special place in my heart. That's why I really wanted to write my take on how their bond evolved over the years. I also tried to make this as canon compliant as I could.  
> ( English isn't my first language so I'm truly sorry if there are some mistakes)

Dark. It was dark. The muffled sound of an engine whirring resonated, making the floor vibrate. It was probably the ship's motor, but Peter Quill wasn't really in the mood to play riddles or analyze his environment. Mom was dead. Gone. He'd never see her again. Never touch her nor feel the warmth of her hugs again. Never hear her singing. Calling him « Star-Lord ».

Peter wished he could focus and figure out where he was, but now it all seemed pointless : he had been kidnapped by aliens and nobody was expecting him to come back home since Mom was dead. He started to regret. Grandpa would be looking for him forever, worried. And Peter hadn't held Mom's hand, he hadn't said goodbye to her and she just left him all alone like that : closing her eyes and letting her hand down.  
He squished even harder the figurine he had brought at the hospital and had put in his pocket. That way he could let all the steam off, contain all his rage and frustration. The rage of this nightmare.

Then Peter started to hope it had all been just a dream, a very bad one : going to the hospital, seeing his relatives grieving, Mom's death and his kidnapping. That would explain why everything had gone so wrong over the past months ! He would wake up. Mom would be there, cooking stew while listening to The Piňa Colada Song by Rupert Holmes, 1979. He would hug her like he used to everytime after waking up. Everything would be fine. He would wake up.  
However, that spark of hope quickly faded away when he felt chains on his feet. Everything was real. Mom had truly died and he had been taken by a giant spaceship. Pressing very hard on the little green figurine, Peter felt tears rolling down his cheeks. He tried his best to deaden his sobs, worried that someone would come and threaten to kill him if he wasn't quiet.

He was scared. Upstairs he heard screams, furious screams, someone was angry. Maybe that person was angry about Peter. He could also hear objects being thrown to the floor. That person was really pissed off.  
He tried to think about something else and opened his backpack : his walkman and Mom's present were there. From this day on, they will be his two treasures… and his toys will be too ! Realizing he still had souvenirs from Earth didn't really prevent him from wondering what would happen to him. Will he be left to starve in his prison ? Will he have to work for the aliens ? Become one of them ? Will he be killed… or worse… be eaten ?  
Suddenly, his prison's door opened. There was an outburst of light that blinded Peter for a few seconds. When his eyes were finally able to see again, Peter understood he was standing in front of an alien. He wasn't dressed like he had expected : wearing a long coat of worn out leather, a belt, leather pants and boots, instead of an oversize white suit with a fish bowl serving as a helmet. What also struck Peter was how similar to a human this alien was. The alien had such an human-like body that the kid was surprised to hear him talk in an unknown language. A language which had nothing to do with English, the sounds were way too different. However, Peter Quill quickly understood that the alien was angry… and suffering. He had spoken quietly but his glare was as fierce and scary as a burning fire. Peter didn't know how to deal with this alien whose skin was of an icy blue and eyes of a burning red, but he knew he had to make a move, otherwise things could end up very badly ! 

Peter took his hand out of his pocket, put the little green figurine in his hand and offered it to the blue guy. 

They both stood here, not making any sound, not moving a muscle. Peter finally dared to watch the alien's red eyes, and saw an expression he was too young to understand…  
At last, the blue humanoid seized the little figurine in his hand. It was a tiny green monster with yellow eyes, a tuft above his head and pointy ears. The alien considered Peter's gift for a couple of seconds and then went away closing the door and leaving Peter in the dark.  
Peter was still surprised by how warm the alien's hand had actually felt.  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________  
He threw his cupboard down : guns, bullets, batteries, underwears, treasures and coins rolled across the captain's quarter. And he screamed, and screamed again, outraged and deeply hurt by the painful truth : Yondu had taken part in children slaughter !  
Ego had lied to him from the beginning. He had harmed the kids, all of them, he had butchered all of them… and Yondu had helped him.  
Yondu had called Ego a few seconds after having succesfully taken Peter Quill but when Ego had answered the call, he had forgotten to wash some of the blood that was still tainting one of his hand : green blood, the blood of the little Easik girl Yondu had brought to Ego a couple of weeks ago ! Yondu had furiously ended the call and was now standing in an absolute state of rage.

Maybe it was just a misunderstanding… it may have only been plant juice on Ego's hand… no, it would be too easy. Ego had just underestimated Yondu's observation abilities and had neglected one vital detail. And now, Yondu was left with his regrets and his rage… and an umpteenth child of Ego, a Terran this time.  
Yondu had always known he wasn't doing the right thing, abducting kids from their home planet, their family. But he had thought he was bringing them to their true loving father, Ego. Even if Ego's sentiments towards his children always bugged him, he had always shrugged it off : it made him rich. It felt wrong but as long as he didn't find any proof the kids were ill-treated, he never stopped and never paid attention to his deepest doubts and fears.  
Now it was striking him, everything was crumbling. He had first been fine with betraying the code since it had only seemed natural to bring lost children back to their caring daddy. But now that he had learned the cruel truth, that he had learned all these kids were dead, that he had learned he had participated in that slaughter, he wanted to vomit. He felt a profound disgust for himself and it tore him apart.

What had he left to do ? Acting like none of this happened ? Like his hands weren't tainted by the blood of countless innocent children, just like Ego's ? It had to stop. Yondu had to put an end to Ego's scheme. He won't hand Peter Quill over to the Celestial. Ego knew the child was from Terra, he would come back to take Quill himself, so Yondu couldn't bring the kid back to his family. And Yondu couldn't adopt the kid : he was a Ravager captain, Ravager captains don't have kids nor lovers so as not to create favouritsim and unbalance the cohesion of the clan, Ravager captains only have first mates and Yondu already had Kraglin. He took a deep breath to try and calm down, his heart hadn't stopped pounding in his chest over the last few minutes. 

Yondu now knew what he had to do : kill the boy, he would do it painlessly. This way, it would be better for everyone. 

As he entered Quill's jail, he was surprised by how skinny he was. Skinny and yet so brave, the boy didn't dare to look in his eyes but he didn't cry nor scream like his half-siblings usually did. Yondu was so ashamed of himself for what he was going to do to the young fellow, he could only say a few words :  
"I'm sorry..." he whispered.  
He didn't want to kill the boy, not when he rose his head and made eye contact with him. Not when he looked at him with those eyes, the eyes of a kid who had lost everything but who still had the rage to live. Quill seemed broken, lost and scared but there also was a spark of strength and determination in his glare… it hit Yondu : Quill looked just like him when he had first arrived to the fighting pit.  
Yondu had actually been around the same age as Quill when he had become a battle slave, around eight years old or something like that. He knew what it felt like to be a lonely boy facing the world and its crualty. 

Yondu couldn't kill the kid : he was him. 

The captain was about to leave the prison and think about what he was gonna do with the boy when Quill, who hadn't move, handed him a little figurine over. Yondu was blown away, why would Quill give him his toy ? He wanted to ask him but it was pointless since the Terran didn't have a translator implant. He kept looking at the young boy and saw compassion in his eyes : Quill had guessed something was wrong and wanted to do something to please Yondu, to reassure him.  
The Centaurian felt a weird mix of emotions inside him : tenderness, sadness, rage and joy. He grabbed the toy and left the jail.

Yondu put the figurine on his console chair. He was glad he had it. He was glad Quill had been so understanding with him. Quill hadn't seem that much scared of the monster who had abducted him, Yondu wondered if that meant there may still be good inside him even after everything he had done…  
Well, now he knew the boy was his chance to finally do something right. He would save the kid so that 99 % of his actions would have been bad. Saving Quill, who had given him the toy, who hadn't considered him a child murderer, who may prove to Yondu he still had a heart, would be his 1 % of good actions.


	2. One More Chance

Peter Quill had no clue regarding the precise amount of time that had passsed since the blue alien's visit. But he was glad he didn't hear him shout nor brutally throwing things down. He was hoping his gift was calming him down and assuring a better future for Quill as the alien's prisoner.

Peter still couldn't believe he was in space. His mom had often told him he'd go there one day to meet his dad, an angel coming from space according to her. It had seemed so unbelievable at first but now that he knew he wasn't dreaming, he found it awesome ! He craved for exploration and kick-ass adventures just like in Star Trek, if only he would get out of his jail and be accepted by the aliens as one of them… Wouldn't that be exciting ?! It would sure prevent him from thinking too much about Mom.  
No matter how great a future in space might appeal to Peter, it would never be the same without her. He missed his mom so much. He had finally understood she was gone for good but couldn't believe no one else would be there for him. He had lost her, he had lost everything that tied him to Earth and his life on this planet. He had to start a new life now but didn't have any point of reference to do so. 

He had wanted to open her present, he had really tried ! But opening it would be the end : the end of all Mom's gifts to him, the end of her life, it would be her death and nothing else… only the beginning of Peter's quest to find a new point of reference other than his mother. And that thought scared him so much. Much more than being trapped in a prison with a few things from Earth to kill time and living on food rations that tasted worse than spinach.  
Moreover, the aliens feeding him often shot him glances of appetite : everyday, Peter was scared he would be eaten the next day. To forget about his fears and try to spend some good time, he would listen to songs on his walkman. It would remind him of his Mom, he would imagine her hugging and comforting him, smelling her delicate perfume and touching her soft skin. Fooled Around and Fell in Love by Elvin Bishop, 1975 and Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede, 1968 had become some of the only forms of comfort he could find. 

As he was swinging his head to the rythm of his songs, he saw the blue alien returning in the prison. Peter was happy to see him, he was the only one he had befriended and the only one whose presence wasn't scary. However, Peter quickly changed his opinion when big blue hands brutally took his walkman away from his ears.  
"Hey, it's mine ! Stop !" Peter shouted angrily.  
Not his songs ! They were the only rays of hope and happiness he had left ! One of the only souvenirs he had from his Mom.  
He had wanted to become a friend of the aliens but taking his walkman was forbidden. It set a fire inside him. He couldn't let that big blue a-hole take his songs away from him !

Peter started kicking, screaming and biting. He knew he had no chance against the muscular Smurf and that he'd be heavily punished but it didn't matter anymore. There was no point trying to adjust to life in space without his walkman. He had to try and make that bastard pay !  
"Stooop !!" he desperately cried, pulling on the thief's coat, then biting his hand again.  
Without having fully realized how quickly it had happened, Peter had been propeled at the back of the jail, hitting the wall hard.  
He fell on the ground. Gasped. Tried to catch his breath. He was too weak to even have a decent fight. Even though his sight was a bit blurred, he noticed that the alien had also taken Mom's gift with him! 

The alien was gone. Peter had fainted after the shock against the wall. He was waiting for his death. He knew he'd be eaten soon. He was frustrated not to hear a sound because of the soundproof walls of his jail. Because of that there was no way he could know if he was going to be killed or not. But now, it actually didn't matter that much to Peter anymore, he was almost already dead inside without anything, any chance to hold on to.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As Yondu held the little green figurine in his hand, he thought about Quill and what to do with him. He wanted to make a Ravager out of the boy but the training normally started around the age of 17, how would his crew believe him without having any suspicions ? They were expecting to taste a Terran for the first time, not to raise him as their own. As the captain, Yondu had to make a fair decision. 

He knew he was a good captain, he had always been and wanted to stay that way… but Quill joining the Ravagers might be seen as favouritism. The Centaurian wasn't really concerned about himself : he'd resist to favouritism and treat the boy just like he treated all his men, he'd stay a Ravager captain while being the Terran's benefactor, he was sure of it.  
Now, the real challenge would be to convince his men to welcome Quill into the clan without creating a cause for complaint. If he succeeded in making Quill be accepted in the Ravagers, the rest'd work out easily. He thought he just had to perfectly achieve that…  
but why was he actually thinking about keeping the boy in the first place ? 

Yondu wasn't sure he understood why he wanted to keep the boy by his side. He was supposed to set him free and find him a new family on another planet, a rich and happy one like Xandar for example. But his plans had drastically changed without him having any clue as to why…  
It felt like he had unconsciously taken the 1 % thing too personally. Maybe was that it ? But why couldn't he just let the kid on his own ? He wasn't cut out to be a Ravager, was he ? Why did he want to keep him by his side so much ? Was it pity… since the captain was pretty sure he knew what Quill was feeling and wanted to help him ? Was he really doing it for the boy ? 

For the first time in his life, the Centaurian wasn't really sure he was fully understanding what was going on in his mind. He had had selfish wishes in his life, he had. Yet, those ones had never been so difficult for him to explain, to figure out… 

He decided to go downstairs and see the kid.  
When he entered the prison and saw Quill's Terra belongings, he knew exactly how to make his plan work out. Without hesitating, he snatched the audioperfomer out of Quill's hands and stole the little package that was inside his backpack.  
Quill didn't like it at all… The kid quickly fought back, fierce, fast and strong but he lacked agility and anticipation of the ennemy's movements. He was shouting at Yondu to stop, to give it back to him because it was his, but Yondu didn't even look at him. To calm the boy down, he threw him against the wall with the back of his hand. Yondu was impressed by how the kid had fought back… to a point where he wondered if the boy could actually become a pretty good Ravager.  
Yondu was definitely taking the 1 % thing too far. Now, getting Quill to join the Ravagers had become his personal affair. But he couldn't fully explain how his own opinion about the boy had so quickly escalated : he had first only wanted to save the kid, and now he was hoping he could keep him and make a Ravager out of him… Why ? Was it because he felt like he needed it ?

Leaving the prison, he encountered many of his men shouting, screaming, asking questions about what they'll do with the Terran. Some wanted to eat him. Some asked about enslaving him. Some wondered if he could be thrown away into space. It was the moment Yondu had been waiting for. He had to convince his crew and knew how to do so. He'd lure them using their desire for wealth and lead them into believing they had made their decision out of cold and cruel pragmatism. The sound at the bottom of the ship was getting louder and louder, so loud that Quill, if he were to wake up, could hear it. That's when Yondu finally yelled :  
"Would y'all shaddup 'bout it ?!"  
A total silence. Yondu inhaled and delivered his speech with his signature assurance, knowing his crew'd understand :  
"Look at the boy. He's skinny. He fits into places we can't. He's good for thievin'. If y'all'd tried to get to know'm better, you'd know he fights good. We'll train the boy as one of us. With his talents, we're gonna end up richer than we're already. Ain't that what y'all want ?!"  
The crew cheered and applauded in agreement. Some Ravagers had already stated they should party to celebrate their upcoming wealth. Yondu sighed : some of his men were so dumb they could change their minds in seconds. But he also sighed out of relief, relief it had been so easy.  
"But Cap', how're we gonna talk to him ?" Tulk asked.  
Yondu smiled, he sneered thinking that some of his boys weren't that dumb after all.  
"I'm gonna trade that lil' package and that audioperformer with a translator implant for our lil' fellow !"

Back in his private quarter, Yondu sat on his chair, worn out by what just happened. He was glad he had triumphed, but still disturbed by what was going on with him.  
Just like the rest of his crew, he was supposed to keep Quill because he would be useful to them, the only difference being that Yondu also did it to ease his conscience after having discovered Ego's secret. However, the captain knew he had already become fond of the boy, of how much of himself he had seen in him, of his fighting spirit and his vulnerability, he had been selfish and had welcomed the boy in the clan because he had wanted to !  
His attitude hadn't matched at all with his Ravager spirit and it repulsed him…  
Being in such a state where he wanted the best for the kid and the best for his crew deeply perturbed him.  
To be fair, it wasn't about the boy. Only sparing him in the first place had been for the boy's sake. Now keeping him… well, it was what Yondu had unconsciously thought was best for him. Yondu wanted some kind of a last chance, a last chance he saw in Quill, and nothing else.  
That's why he needed the boy. For his own sake.  
His desire to do the right thing had evolved into a bigger one : keeping and raising the boy. A new desire he had rejected. So much that he hadn't realize all of his turmoils were coming from it… 

He snapped out of his thoughts by shaking his head : what was he thinking, wasting time like that ? He had something to do for the clan's sake… or actually for Quill's…  
That wasn't right, he had to stay a good captain, not some kind of a sentimental ! This would be the last thing he would ever do for Quill… it had to be…  
He pressed the call button and an audiovisual discussion between him and the Broker began.  
"I need a translator implant, I won't trade it, I'll buy it. What's your price ?" Yondu said. 

After the call, he put the package and the audioperformer inside a drawer in his cupboard, next to his bed.


	3. Cruel and Mean

Peter plunged the broom into the bucket full of dirty water and spread the filthy liquid over the floor of the canteen. He had to mop the floor. It was his grand duty now that he had been forced to join the Ravagers, a bunch of space pirates that had nothing to do with the heroes he had grown up with and looked up to.  
They didn't even know how to properly clean up a room : they had just tasked Peter to spread water on the floor, again and again. As a result, the water was so dirty, it seemed to Peter that he was doing something completely pointless : breadcrumbs, dust balls, ale and even urine could now be found inside the bucket.

"Come on Quill ! You gotta do better, Terran boy ! Ya sad 'cause Mummy ain't there for ya ?"  
Peter turned back and shot a death glare at the two Ravagers entering the canteen with their mugs of ale. 

It had been a week since he had left his prison. His first day out had been a busy one : Tulk and Kraglin had seized him and as they had been keeping him motionless, Gef had implanted a galactic translator inside the back of Peter's neck. It hadn't been painless.  
What was more painful was that, now, Peter could understand all the nasty things the Ravagers wanted to tell him. He hadn't any friends. He had learned their names, their hierarchy, that he'd help them steal, be their hostage, clean the ship everyday, become a Ravager, he had learned all of that the same single day.  
Peter was still having troubles to cope with all the revelations. And now, these two Ravagers wanted to tease him !

He had quickly accustomed himself to being bullied but he was surprised by how unmerciful the space pirates were ! Why couldn't they give him a break at least one day ? And how dared they mentioning Mom like that ?  
"Hey, I'm talkin' to ya !" a Ravager spit at Peter's face.  
"I'm sorry…" Peter almost wept with the small and high pitched voice of an eight years old.

Cold, reeking and wet. That's what he felt when one of the Ravager poured his mug of ale all over Peter. He felt the drops falling from his strawberry blonde hair. Good, it'd hide the tears he couldn't stop anymore as both Ravagers laughed hysterically.  
Peter wanted to kick the crap out of them, to get his revenge, but he was too scared they'd hurt him. He needed someone's help. The Ravagers suddenly stopped laughing and stayed where they were standing. They hawked awkwardly. Peter rose his head and saw Yondu standing quietly on the upper floor, looking down on them, his arms crossed resting on the handrail. Peter wasn't able to read his expression and he doubted the Ravagers could either.  
Yondu slowly went down the stairs walking towards the Ravagers. Peter wondered if the captain would come to his rescue. Even though Yondu had stolen his walkman and Mom's gift to trade them with his translator implant, he didn't hate the blue pirate like he hated the others. Even if it they had never talked to one another after Peter had gotten his translator, the Terran boy was sure they could become friends. He was sure Yondu was a good captain who took care of his crew and who would help him.

"So, gentlemen… Ya wastin' good ale, now ?" Yondu spoke, it was the first time Peter heard his hoarse voice, the voice of someone who had gone through so much, a voice that demanded respect.  
"I'll show ya how it's done."

Despair, frustration, vulnerability and anger. That's what Peter felt when Yondu poured the bucket all over the boy. Yondu quickly left afterwards, followed by the two Ravagers who had gone back to smirking and complimenting their captain for his amazing presence.  
"Don't ya forget to clean everything up, Quill !" a Ravager teased again before leaving the canteen.

Slowly, Peter plunged the broom back into the almost empty bucket of dirty water, outraged, he tried not to scream nor weep again. He felt like he had just been stabbed throught the heart.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Quill had left his prison one week ago. Yondu hadn't seen him since he had taken the boy's belongings from him. They were still hidden inside the drawer but there was no way Yondu would tell him before Quill had proven himself trustworthy as a true Ravager.  
Yondu had already done something selfish by scheming to keep the boy, he wouldn't plot against his own men a second time. If Quill wanted to learn his sympathy, he would have to try. Yondu wasn't a sweet angel, he was captain of the Elector, of a Ravager clan. 

Nevertheless he wanted to observe the boy today, to see how he was doing and if he had made the right decison by keeping the Terran. Quill had been put on cleaning duties before going on his first mission. The Centaurian had thought it would be the best way for the boy to toughen a little bit and learn the ways of a Ravager life before starting the real thing.  
When he arrived in the canteen, one could have said Quill was having a bad time. The boy was soaked to the skin by ale and two of Yondu's men were mocking him.  
It reminded Yondu of the first time he had been publically whipped at eight years old, sobbing and asshamed people were poking fun at him. He had only been freed from this occasional suffering the day he had succesfully emasculated his persecutor and got considered « dangerous ». That way, no one had ever wanted to piss him off again.  
Now, he wished to see Quill do the same : stand up for himself, fight the best he could against this damn cruel world. Just like Yondu had learned to. Only, Quill did nothing. He just stood there, waiting for someone to help him.

Yondu sighed. Quill had to learn his lesson one day, the sooner the better. That's why Yondu would make this as crushing and humiliating as possible. That way the boy might quickly understand. He started to go down the stairs as his men and the kid were staring at him.  
(...)

Pouring the filthy water over Quill had pleased the Centaurian. It had let some steam off, brought him closer to two of his men and had a devastating impact on the kid.  
As he left the canteen with his men, he thought that now was the time for the boy to take a stand and fight for himself. Quill had to be ready to face this curel world and Yondu would make sure the kid was fully prepared.


	4. Not Much into Health Food

Somewhere in the lowest floors of the Elector, mothership of the Ravager clan of Yondu, there was a huge bassin where the space pirates could drop their dirty clothes off, add some soap and hope for the best… Peter wasn't really surprised, the Ravagers didn't know how to mop the floor, they wouldn't know how to wash clothes. Well, Peter didn't really know how to wash clothes either. It had always been Mom's job, he had only helped her wash the dishes and clean the floor up. Even though he didn't know how it exactly worked, Peter could tell it wasn't the right way of doing it.  
Whatever ! He wasn't here to wonder how clothes were usually washed, he just had to get his only clothes clear so that he could quickly go back to work without being punished.  
There was just one problem… The shelf where the soaps were stored was way too high for him. He couldn't grab anything ! Even when he was standing on tip-toe ! What kind of a day was he going to have ? He was reeking, had been humiliated, abandoned by the only ally he thought he had and was gonna be punished for not having clean the canteen's floor up because he had been too small to catch a soap ?! He angrily kicked the wall. It hurt his toe but he didn't care. The pain in his foot was less unbearable than the one in his heart.

A couple of minutes later, as Peter stood frustratingly below the soap-shelf, a long adult arm coming from behind him took a soap ! Peter hadn't heard anything ! He turned around, scared he'd get beaten up for taking too much time…  
Kraglin handed him the soap over. He had leaned down so that he could be at the same height as Peter. A smile on his lips, he cheerfully said :  
"Hey, Quill ! Ain't that what you wanted ?"   
"Thank you…" Peter replied bashfully, still scared someone might punch him.  
"Cheer up, man. You gonna do fine, it's okay to be stressed out. But Captain likes ya !"  
"I wouldn't say that… He did this to me…" Peter let out, trying not to cry again.  
Kraglin patted Peter's shoulder, still smiling and went on :  
"It's like I said : he likes ya, Pete !"  
Then Kraglin helped Peter wash his clothes. As the Terran went back to mop the canteen's floor, he had a warm feeling. Because he had cleaned his clothes ? Because Kraglin had become his friend ? Or because it was the first time since he had left Earth someone called him « Pete » again ? It may seem like a detail but, for a short moment, it had almost made Peter feel at home.

But could the Elector really be considered home when Peter was constantly threaten to be eaten by the Ravagers ? He had just gone back to the canteen when lunch-time started. The room was crowded and the more Ravagers there was, the more bullied Peter was being.  
"I need more meat with my sauce, come here Terran boy !"  
"Someone has put some weight back on since last time, ready to be tasted, Quill ?"  
"I can't wait to put some A'askavariian spice on ya plump cheeks!"  
Peter looked around, hoping to see Kraglin and beg him for help. But the first mate was nowhere to be found, he had probably gone out for some mission. Peter was alone. Alone against a bunch of hungry space pirates who wanted to eat people, to eat him ! He suddenly felt someone brutally pinching his hip !  
Peter was so terrified he knew he had to do something… he didn't get more time to think : a Ravager pulled his shirt so hard that the Terran ended up face-to-face with him… and Peter punched him in the nose with everything he had !  
Just like Peter had expected, the alien pressed on his bleeding nose with both hands, letting the boy go. Peter had seen the little bandage on the Ravager's nose and had guessed a punch there would be a wise choice since it seemed like a weak spot.  
"I'm not gonna be eaten by the likes of you ! I'm gonna be a Ravager. So try and stop me, you numbskull !" Peter went wild, preparing himself to bravely face some aliens.  
However, things went faster than he had expected… He got shot by the electroshock of a Quadblaster and ended up on the floor, unable to move. Then, he was being tied up on a chair. He saw a few Ravagers approaching him with sharp knives.  
He closed his eyes. It was gonna be painful, he knew it. But at least he had fought for himself. No matter how sore, he had to try not to scream. Otherwise they would enjoy it too much. 

Peter heard a whistle. One whistle was all it took and he was already being detached from the ropes. One whistle and he felt the Ravagers taking their distance from him.  
Peter opened his eyes and met Yondu's firing red glance. Peter guessed from his expression that he was furious but, again, it was always very difficult to read all of the Centaurian's expressions.  
"Damn, boys ! Thought I told ya : we need the kid ! Have y'all lost your damn minds ?! What do you care about ? The money or filling your damn bellies for one and only one bloody night ? Thought ya were smarter than this !" Yondu shouted out in the canteen.  
His voice was so hoarse, so deep and way sharper than the Ravagers' knives. No other sound could be heard. Everyone was looking down at their feet, asshamed, embarassed and scared to piss even more the captain off. Yondu was so intimidating that if walls were alive, they would have also been looking down. Even Peter who had done nothing wrong wanted to hide in the ground.  
"Now y'all stop thinkin' 'bout eating the boy : try and you go through me !"

Everybody had left the canteen… except Peter and Yondu. Peter was going to ask the permission to leave the room and thank Yondu when a violent blue fist struck his mouth.  
The impact brought Peter down. He coughed. He saw blood in his hand. And a baby tooth. He could also feel blood in his mouth. He panicked. Why was Yondu beating him ? He hadn't done anything wrong, had he ?  
"Now that's what ya get for causin' a fuss on my ship, brat !"  
Peter knew there was no point in fighting back, the Centaurian was way too strong for him. He laid down, rolled himself into a ball to be protected from the hits. Now, that was painful. So painful that Peter was almost regretting he hadn't been eaten earlier.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After having shared some drinks with the two Ravagers who had bullied Quill in the morning, Yondu put them to bed. He was used to. Since he had become captain, many of his boys had tried to stay sober longer than him. None had ever succeeded. Yondu had always won. That's why he was used to it. After all, how could they expect to defeat a former Kree battle-slave so easily ? A Centaurian moreover ? His physical abilities were way stronger than his men's. 

Yondu was wondering how things were going for Quill. The boy had surely asked for help when having to wash his clothes. Now that it was lunch-time, there was no doubt he would be bullied at the canteen while apologizing for his very existence to the other Ravagers, weeping. There was no way the boy would learn the lesson this easily and quickly. Still, Yondu wanted to take a detour at the canteen to check on things. It would be pretty bad if something happened to Quill during his absence.  
(...)

Yondu wasn't expecting such a turn of events. Having seen Quill fight back like that had completely taken him aback. The boy was a fast-learner, he was already learning the ways of the Ravagers, of survival in the galaxy.  
However, the boy lacked one major detail : anticipation. The kid had just been too reckless, not thinking about what would happen after he would have hit his opponent and now he was completely cornered. 

The captain thought it was enough lessons for the day and decided to interfere. And there was also no way he would let his men eat the Terran like that, he had to act. Uncovering the pockets inside his large leather coat, he opened his mouth, let some air in, blocked his mouth in the shape of an O and gently pushed the accumulated air out : he whistled.  
His Yaka arrow started to fly all over the canteen, unstoppable, only limited by Yondu's imagination, defying the laws of physics, able to pierce through the hardest metals : free, the arrow was totally free. He would stop her precisely one inch away from his men's foreheads, threatening each hungry Ravagers, convincing them to back off.  
There was an absolute silence. The Yaka arrow always frightened his boys, Yondu loved that. He would always act a bit theatrically each time he used it. It provided him a respectful presence, one that a captain needed. Moreover, he felt free each time he would use the arrow… To be capable of modifying her speed according to his will, or of setting her on fire when whistling on a higher octave gave him so many possibilities ! To feel so free was so satisfying for a former slave that, of course, he wouldn't hesitate enjoying each moment.  
Then he inhaled to prepare his vocal cords. He put on a mean face, ready for a bloody scolding…  
(...)

Now that his men had quietly and obediently left the canteen, leaving Quill be, Yondu was alone with the boy. He was kinda glad the kid had stood up for himself this time. But he had many things to learn and since the violent way seemed to work so efficiently on the hot-tempered little fellow, the Centaurian knew what he had to do.  
He would punish the boy for having created such a fuss at the canteen so that he would learn how to better anticipate. In this cruel galaxy, you always need a back-up plan and, a few minutes ago, Quill clearly had none. 

So he punched him, very hard, like he would have punched an adult. The eight year old, of course, fell to the ground spitting blood and a tooth. Peter Quill rolled himself into a ball like it was his defense mechanism. You'll have to do better than that ! Yondu kept on kicking him.

He kicked him in the elbows, in the knees, in the stomach and on the top of the head. The boy fainted after five minutes. Yondu was a bit disappointed the kid hadn't even tried to fight him back but he was still satisfied by everything Quill had learned and achieved in one day.  
He seized the kid and lift him so as to carry him in his arms.  
Then he dropped off the Terran boy in his hammock. He had put him to bed, like he had done with all of his men. 

Now Yondu was sure of it : Quill would make a fine Ravager, it would take some time… some pretty hard time… but the boy would succeed. Yondu imagined himself treating Quill as a comrade like he did with all the other crewmembers. Wouldn't that be something ?! The first Terran to have ever joined his clan ! The first kid to have ever grown up with Ravagers ! He might become a rather interesting Terran man… But for now, things had to slowly set in.  
Today had been one hell of a day for the boy ! Things weren't gonna better turn out so fast…


	5. Its Taste is On My Mind

Peter heard once again the gurglings of his stomach. He was starving. That damn Yondu hadn't allowed him to eat. It was his punishment for his « rebellion ».  
That was unfair ! Peter had just been defending himself !  
Whatever… He had to grab something to eat. Otherwise he would definitely starve to death. It had already been two days and he started to feel dizzy. 

He had asked for Kraglin's help but the first mate had refused. 'Damn traitor !' They were all against him. Peter had to take it upon himself to try and survive on his own. He was still pretty frustrated by having realized that even Kraglin wasn't his ally. He had really believed he could have become his only friend. He had desperately wanted to have someone to rely on in this environment he wasn't familiar with.  
In the end, all those Ravagers were cruel, crooked and stupid bastards. They wouldn't even let him go on missions ! What was the point in keeping him, then ? The Terran boy was alone, somewhere in space, totally lost and, most certainly, extremely far away from Earth… maybe in another solar system ! 

It sounded cool, but it wasn't. He was fed up living in such conditions, daily beaten up or made fun of. He missed Earth, he missed Missouri, he missed home… Mom.  
Everybody had let him down… or was it Peter who had let his mother down ? If only he hadn't run off like that. If he had stayed in the hospital, maybe things would have turned out differently. But not leaving the hospital would have meant facing the consequences of Mom's death : moving to Grandpa's house, the funerals, seeing Mom's body burn. She had always wanted to be incinerated so that her ashes would quickly become stardust and find Peter's father. She had surely been already burnt by now, maybe had the Elector come across her ashes ? Maybe had she decided to stick around and keep an eye on Peter ?  
These thoughts actually hurt Peter a lot. He had never really thought about what had happened to his mother's body until now. It was so painful. More painful than his hunger.  
He shook his head to pull himself together, Peter had to find something to feed himself… and a way to escape. But to where ? That was the main problem, where would he even go ? Well, for now, Peter only knew he had to run away, and that was enough.

He stumbled over garbage for the incinerator. The Ravagers used their trash to fuel their thrusters, using the incinerator. It didn't provide that much power to the engines so it was only used when the Elector was on cruising speed, it was a way to save some fuel.  
Peter had already started to come up with some kind of a plan. He looked around him : he could see through the portholes that the Elector wasn't on cruising speed, Ravagers came and went as if they had something important to do. The mothership was being brought somewhere else, the Ravagers were trying to find a new base and were discussing about it… which meant nobody would go to the trash incinerator for now !

It was tremendously hot in there. And incredibly lit for a room without lights. The fire did the job just fine.  
It also stank… a lot ! A mix of rotten food, shit, ale and other smells Peter didn't even know existed. If he had had anything in his stomach, he would have already thrown it all up ! 

So that's what an incinerator looked like. That's where Mom's body had ended up. Peter didn't want to think about it but atrocious pictures still popped up in his mind. He tried to calm down : Mom loved stardust, maybe she was already in space, happy to wander freely across the galaxy… If that was the case, she may be very close to Peter right now ! 'I'm here ! Please, find me… I need you.' Peter clenched his fists, determined to find what he needed. Determined not to think about Mom. Determined not to be in pain anymore by always remembering she was gone for good.

Without looking, he ventured his hand in one of the trash piles… and found something ! The grilled leg of an Orloni… he hated the taste. And apparently so did some Ravagers. However Peter was so hungry he could even have eaten spinach ! So he gathered his courage and his strengths and bit into the crispy meat. He chewed it slowly, trying to enjoy the taste, giving his brain a sense of fullness. And swallowed it, relaxed to finally feed his tummy. After having been done eating, he quickly went away, he hated this place already… because of the smell, the awful taste of Orloni and especially because the damn thing was a freaking incinerator.

He cautiously left the area, hoping no to come across anyone.  
He climbed up the stairs leading to the main deck : he had to mop the floor there.  
He opened the door at the top of the staircase, looked around and saw Ravagers minding their own business, tiptoed towards the closet where a broom and a bucket were stored and went back to work.  
He had only started when he jumped out of surprise because of a deep and scary yell :  
"Quill ! Where've ya been, idiot ? Ain't been no you 2 minutes ago ! Yondu snapped at him, his red eyes more incandescent than the fire in the incinerator."  
"I was just changing the water from the bucket. It was too dirty, there was no way the floor would've been clean." Peter answered confidantly, it had to sound true otherwise he was doomed.  
"So why no bucket there when I checked ? Why no broom ?!"  
"Well… Because I had to change the water from the bucket. I, … huh… obviously, needed the bucket. And I thought it would have been better not to let the broom there on its own… in case, you know, someone would take it and put it somewhere else… so I tidied it back into the closet while I was gone."  
There was an awkward silence between the two of them. The Terran boy was hoping his excuse would work but the Centaurian's expression wasn't giving him any clue.  
Yondu finally nodded quietly, went away and closed the door loudly. Peter could have sworn he had seen a smirk on the captain's face before he had turned back to leave the main deck… 

The evening, while Peter was once again on cleaning duties, the captain approached him.  
"Hey, boy, catch this !" Yondu shouted kinda cheerfully (it was difficult to say) throwing a fruit to Peter.  
The Terran looked at it, blown away. Did that mean he could eat again ? The fruit looked like a pomegranate from Earth, only it was green and smelled like strawberry.  
"Don't worry : it's ripe. You've gotta put some weight back on before your first mission."  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It had been two days since Quill hadn't eaten anything. Yondu was, again, starting to have doubts about the Terran's survival. Why wasn't he trying anything ? After what had happened at the canteen, the captain had been convinced the boy would quickly find a way out of his punsihment. But Quill was actually letting himself starve. Why ? Was he doing it on purpose ? To escape from the Elector by starving ? No, there's no way he was. The boy was too young to come up with such a suicidal plan. Then what was he waiting for ?  
Had Yondu been too harsh on him by giving him such a difficult test to pass ? Maybe. But the Centaurain was as harsh as the galaxy was. Quill needed to learn how to steal food without any help from Kraglin, from any Ravager. The test would last as long as it had to. There would be no mercy. The world wasn't merciful, Quill had to get used to it. Even if he had to die learning it.  
If Yondu helped the boy, Quill would accustom himself to being rescued and would surely die foolishly one day. Quill had to learn how to use his cunning, his charm, his head, anything, to get himself out of situations ! Sweet words and all weren't gonna lead anywhere… And it wasn't Yondu's way, nor the Ravagers' way, of training their recruits.  
Quill had to learn how to think like a Ravager.

It was time for a change in the location of the Elector, they had stayed at the edge of what the Terrans called « The Milky Way » for long enough. Yondu had ordered to set course around planet Jetormaa's orbit. It was one of the only planet of its solar system, it had a poor population, it was far away from influential and powerful planets : perfect for a Ravager clan needing to recharge its batteries a bit.  
They had begun to leave the day before. Right now, Yondu's men were trying to find the most perfect and precise spot to stop the engines and go back to cruising speed. Cruising speed allowed them to save fuel, fuel was expensive… especially when you had this many ships, and the Ravagers wanted to be able to spend their money on something else than fuel, this is why cruising speed was important to them. 

Yondu had tasked Peter Quill with cleaning duties on the main deck. However when he went to check on the Terran, he was nowhere to be seen. Had he fainted out of starvation somewhere on the ship ? Yondu went to his quarters to try and locate the kid using the cameras : no sign of Quill. Odd…  
The boy was in one of the area uncovered by cameras : inside an M-ship, in one of the few blind spots of the hangar, the trash incinerator or in the captain's bedroom. Yondu started to think the boy was in one of these areas on purpose : he may be currently trying to eat without getting caught !  
Yondu couldn't resist and smiled, Quill was in the incinerator room : he wasn't in Yondu's bedroom, there was no way he could have gotten any M-ship keys and Yondu was the only one who knew there were blind spots in the hangar so Quill would never go there to hide. Moreover, food leftovers could easily be found there and since the Elector wasn't on cruising speed, nobody would see him. The boy's plan was good, he had just kinda forgotten that Yondu had access to the cameras and could easily notice he wasn't on any of them. Well, the kid may not know Yondu was paying him so much attention after all… 

The Centaurian left his quarters, going to the incinerator room to catch Quill in the act and punish him even more. Quill would only win this game if he came up with a decent excuse. Nevertheless Yondu was quite taken aback when he spotted the boy on the main deck, the kid had been pretty quick ! He had anticipated someone could see he was nowhere to be found and had done it as fast as he had been able to. That was impressive.  
Now Yondu had to put Quill's justification to the test, what the boy had already done wasn't enough. Yondu decided to unbalance the kid and push him towards his limits, well aware that the boy was scared of him, so he yelled at him :  
"Quill ! Where've ya been, idiot ?! Ain't been no you 2 minutes ago !"  
"I was just changing the water from the bucket. It was too dirty, there was no way the floor would've been clean." the Terran boy answered, his voice wasn't shaking and he was looking straight at the Centaurian as if he had nothing to hide. (again, it impressed Yondu)  
"So why no bucket there when I checked ? Why no broom ?!"  
"Well… Because I had to change the water from the bucket. I, … huh… obviously, needed the bucket. And I thought it would have been better not to let the broom there on its own… in case, you know, someone would take it and put it somewhere else… so I tidied it back into the closet while I was gone." Quill awkwardly said, but it wasn't awkward because he was lying, it was awkward because his answer correctly pointed out how dumb Yondu's question had been.  
Anyone who would have exactly done what Quill pretented he had done would have said it this way.

That was well done, so well done that Yondu decided Quill had succeeded, he had passed his test. Of course, Yondu knew he was lying since he hadn't seen the Terran put water in the damn bucket through the cameras of bathrooms, but he was satisfied with Quill's job. He had been cautious and smart enough, according to the captain.  
Quill was now ready to go on missions and Yondu couldn't wait. Excited about it, he let a smirk appear on his face.


	6. A Hole in the Place Where my Heart Should have Been

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features the first of my Ravager OCs. To be honest, these OCs aren't developped at all. They will be in this fic just because I felt like at some point Quill knows the names of each Ravager. Don't expect too much, they're just there for worldbuilding... In this chapter, the OC is called Shurx !

Peter was crawling, making his way through a long and narrow tunnel. One month had passed since his abduction, one month wearing the same clothes every day. His shirt and pants were full of holes, especially around his elbows and his knees. Peter could feel the cold of the soil, and how hard it was hitting on his body, as he tried to find the way out. He had to get some very small, but extremely valuable, statues kept in a hidden crypt underground. Something only he could do it, because he was small and thin enough. 

One part of the tunnel suddenly fell out and Peter hit the ground. He coughed and got up as fast as he could, the fall had scared him but ending up lost was even scarier. He had to know where he was.  
As he looked around him, he saw countless piles of small statues : the ones he was supposed to steal ! The Terran quickly took hold of as many of them as possible, hiding some in his knapsack, he had to do it fast otherwise he would be punished by Yondu. The boy was sort of angry at himself for being so obediant, but the captain scared him so much he couldn't do anything except obey.  
He was almost ready to leave and take the exit tunnel where Yondu, Halfnut and Shurx were waiting when he heard a distant voice calling him :  
"Peter ? Peter ? I'm right here, right here." the voice softly whispered and went on. "Peter ? Turn around, baby, I'm right here."  
Peter shakingly turned around, he was sure he had recognized the voice but there was no way he would be correct.  
"My little Star-Lord."  
Mom. It was Mom. She was standing there, wearing once again her favourite dress with flowers printed on it, her golden and wavy hair was back. She opened her arm, waiting for her son to hug her.  
How ? Mom was gone. Had she been able to become stardust and follow Peter throughout the galaxy ? But why wasn't she only ashes, then ? Had she been reincarnated ? Peter didn't know how it made sense but, right now, it didn't matter. He rushed towards his mother and embraced her, holding her tight, smelling her delicate perfume. She fondled his strawberry blonde hair.  
"I thought I'd never see you again." Peter sobbed.  
"I know, baby. I'm sorry, I'm here now and I will never leave you. I will always be there with you. Even when you can't see me, I'm here."  
"So…. You're going to disappear again ?"  
"I told you, I will never leave your side."  
Peter didn't want to leave his Mom… but the Ravagers were probably waiting for him. Whatever ! He was fed up being afraid of them, he had to be braver ! He wanted to escape, ruining the mission by staying here would be a good plan. This planet's copes would find him, he would tell them everything that had happened to him and they would take him to an adoptive family !  
Yes, that was perfect, that would work out ! For now, he would enjoy his Mom's presence. 

After ten minutes of tender embrace, Mom oddly started to fade away.  
"No ! Don't leave me ! Come back !" Peter yelled out of panic.  
"I'm not truly leaving you, I will always be there. But if you wish to see me, pray to the statues once a day and I will appear for a brief moment."  
Now Mom was gone, Peter looked at the statue he was holding in his hand, it represented a pregnant woman fondling her belly, it represented a mother. These statues' powers were so incredible ! That surely was why they were so valuable. 

Peter's phone rang loudly all over the crypt. He didn't want to answer, it was undoubtedly Yondu who would only yell at him. Peter's plan was already established : he was gonna wait for them to be caught, there was no way the Ravagers would hurt him since they couldn't even enter the crypt. They would finally learn their lesson : they shouldn't have messed up with Peter Jason Quill, he should be feared. He was finally going to escape those freaking space pirates.  
However Yondu had let a voicemail which automatically played out :  
"Hey Quill, I know ya don't love us and don't wanna help us. I know we may've been too hard on ya. But we wanna make it right now. So come back, help us get outta here and we'll have a lil' discussion when we get back to the Elector. Whatcha say 'bout it, son ?"

Peter was completely shocked by Yondu's voicemail. Maybe his Mom had helped him and made things work out. That was what Peter had always wanted, to become a cool space pirate like the Ravagers, to be treated as their equal, to feel at home. He wanted that kind of life. 

So he took the exit tunnel, excited, hoping things would never be the same. Along the tunnel he could see a large fresco. It seemed to represent some kind of a huge and imposing man eating children who looked like him, his own children probably.  
That repulsed Peter but he shook his head, it would never happen to him, he would never be threaten again. He was gonna be accepted now, thanks to Mom's help. He wanted to be friends with Yondu since the beginning, maybe it was finally time. His suffering would finally end. Things were about to really start and it was gonna be awesome.

Peter saw the light at the end of the tunnel and a big blue hand reaching out to him. The Terran took Yondu's hand and felt he was being pulled out of the tunnel. When he came out, Peter was at first blinded by how bright the sun was shining.  
That's why he hadn't seen it coming. He felt a tremendous pain in his stomach, gasping, he struggled to breathe, his vison was blurred and he couldn't hear a thing. He was going to faint because of the shock and the pain. Before he fell to the ground and closed his eyes, he could see that it was a big blue fist that had struck him and that Yondu was snatching the statues from Peter's hands.

The boy woke up. He was back in his jail. Back to where everything had started. Of course he was in his jail. He will always be the Ravagers' prisoner and their toy. How could he have been so foolish and even think for a second that Yondu, that any Ravager, would finally accept him ?  
"So, tryin' to betray us, Quill ?" Yondu said entering the prison.  
'Awesome…' Peter couldn't bear to see that big blue bastard. Ever since they had met, Yondu had always taken everything that made Peter happy, or feel secure, away from him : his walkman, Mom's present and now the statues. Yondu was the reason Peter was feeling so down, so out of place, so scared. Only, now that Peter had realized this, he wasn't scared of the Smurf anymore, he only felt rage. Rage because he hated this bastard so much. A rage that fueled courage and aggressiveness inside him. A rage that was preventing him from fearing any kind of punishment. Now, his only punishment was living on the damn same ship as the blue monster. 

"Hey ! Talkin' to ya !" Yondu snapped at him, slapping Peter so hard that the boy fell down. "Answer me, Quill ! Ya don't wanna play that kinda game with me, boy ! Remember my boys wanted to eat ya ? You're alive 'cause of me so show some damn respect !"  
"Shut up ! I never asked to be kidnapped ! I hate you and I will never obey to your orders again. Punish me if you want it, I don't care !"  
"Is that whatcha want, boy ? I don't think it is. You don't wanna know how mad I can get… so respect your damn captain !"  
"You're not my captain ! I ain't a Ravager ! I never wanted to be and I never will !"  
Yondu seized Peter by his shoulder and kicked him in the chin using his knee. The impact froze Peter right where he was standing, unable to think, to move, to scream nor to cry. Then the Centaurain punched him in the stomach again. This time, Peter was able to move. He fell on his knees, pressing his hands on his stomach, trying to catch his breath, spitting blood out of his mouth and coughing. Peter rose his head and shot a death glare at Yondu. He wanted to cry because it hurt. But there was no way he was gonna give that satisfaction to his persecutor. So he just stared at him, he couldn't move a lot so he tried to communicate all of his hatred just by using his eyes.  
Yondu leaned down, he said, smiling :  
"I'm not done with ya, Quill, not yet."  
And he punched him one last time, using an uppercut.

Peter was in a lot of pain, every part of his body was aching. He was alone in his jail, he had been all alone for a month but he wasn't as depressed as before. He wasn't. Because now he had this hatred. This rage that would fuel him and stand by his side. He wasn't alone. He had his rage.  
Not feeling the need to sleep, he spent the night thinking about Mom and how he missed her… and thinking about Yondu while he was training himself to punch and fight.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yondu was pissed off. Quill pissed him off. It was already the fifth time he was jeopardizing a mission, easy missions on top of all ! He just had to sneak into small places and grab some jewelry, precious items or gold. No matter how insignificantly easy these tasks were, Quill had each time found a way to screw almost everything up !  
What was his problem ? What was it that he was looking for ? He had just started his true Ravager training and he was still so rebellious ! Yondu was pissed off.  
"Cap', he's doin' it again… It's been thirty fuckin' minutes and no sign of Quill." Halfnut complained, just like every other Ravagers in the clan, he had become less and less patient in regards to the Terran's attitude and was desperately waiting for his captain to do something.  
Well, Yondu wanted to do something but the kid was hidden underground, inside a bloody tunnel of planet Jetormaa ! And there was no guarantee he would come back. 

It may be better to leave the boy there before anyone spotted them. In spite of Jetormaa being known for its poor security level allowing the Ravagers to take their time, Yondu really wished he could get rid of the kid.  
This thought made him feel a little bit odd. Like some kind of conflict was taking place inside his head. He was so frustrated, he wanted to abandon Quill and go back to his daily cozy life as a Ravager captain, and yet he felt like letting Quill go would disturb him, like he would regret it. 'That damn boy's makin' me lose my bloody mind !'  
He came up with a plan that would surely make Quill return. The kid had lost his mom, he needed someone to comfort him : Yondu would act as supporting and understanding as possible and Quill would come back thinking things would work out for him.  
It was time for sweet words !  
(…)

Yondu went to Quill's jail. On the way there he wondered how he could have been so foolish to have even think for a second he could have raised the kid as a Ravager ! He hated the damn boy. Sure, he was useful and that's probably why he had felt like he still had to keep him, but he hated the kid nonetheless.  
Entering the jail, enraged, he shouted at Quill :  
"So, tryin' to betray us, Quill ?"  
The boy didn't say a word, he just looked at Yondu. He looked at him with the eyes of someone as pissed off as Yondu already was. The captain didn't like it at all. Who did this kid think he was ? There was no way Yondu would let him be so rebellious in front of his men or in privacy ! He hated the kid but if he were to challenge Yondu's autority, no matter how useful he was, the Centaurian would really think about killing him.  
"Hey ! Talkin' to ya !" he snapped at the boy, slapping him hard enough to unbalance him and make him fall to the ground, but the kid kept on saying nothing. "Answer me, Quill ! Ya don't wanna play that kinda game with me, boy ! Remember my boys wanted to eat ya ? You're alive 'cause of me, so show some damn respect !"

"Shut up ! I never asked to be kidnapped ! I hate you and I will never obey to your orders again. Punish me if you want it, I don't care !" Quill finally exploded.  
The brat was gonna have trouble. Yondu was boiling. 'Well, I didn't ask to kidnapp ya either !' He wanted to retort. He couldn't, Quill was convinced Yondu was the bad guy : if he talked about Quill's father, the boy would surely try to find him and eventually get himself butchered like the rest of his half-siblings. Furthermore, Quill's insolence irritated him. That kid had no idea how he felt. The only person he tried to be nice with, Quill, hated him for his crualty and the ones he was supposed to inspire respect in front of, his men, thought he was too nice.  
Yondu was so frustrated by now that he went on :  
"Is that whatcha want, boy ? I don't think it is. You don't wanna know how mad I can get… so respect your damn captain !"  
"You're not my captain ! I ain't a Ravager ! I never wanted to be and I never will !"

That was it. Yondu had reached his limit. He started to kick the crap out of the boy.  
He would only stop once he had killed him.

However, once Quill was on his knees, hunched over, he made eye-contact with the Centaurian. And then Yondu understood what had been going on in his mind for a few hours.  
Quill's glare was fierce, full of anger and determination. The boy was resigned to die if it meant he could die not surrendering to his ennemies nor giving them the staisfaction they wanted, if he could die as someone free. 

That had also been Yondu's glare at one point in his life.

Earlier Yondu wanted to keep the boy because he understood what he was going through and actually wanted to help him. Not because he was useful, that had been his excuse.  
Yondu had even decided to spare and raise the boy as a Ravager in the first place for that same particular reason : because he had seen himself in him, knew what he was enduring and wanted to do the right thing. How could he have forgotten about it ? How could he have forgotten the boy needed him ?… and he needed Peter Quill ? How could he have forgotten the « 1 % thing »?

He leaned down, looked inside the Terran's passionate green gaze, blood was running from the boy's nose and mouth, he felt the shaky, exhausted and warm breath of Quill who stood determined and daring.  
"I'm not done with ya, Quill, not yet." he whispered before punching him one last time.

Back to his quarter, Yondu was still thinking about Quill. Why would he keep on being so disrespectful ? Why were Yondu's teaching not bearing their fruits yet ? The hard way had worked on Yondu when he had been a kid. Why didn't it work on Quill ?  
He stood up all night long trying to come up with a new way to handle Quill. He had to. For the cohesion of the clan's sake, for Quill's… and maybe for his own sake too.


	7. I'm the Space Invader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Fluff is coming !  
> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Yondu might seem a bit out of character because it's a side of his personnality that we've never really seen. (and since I try to be canon-compliant, that was a real challenge !)  
> But I genuinely think Yondu, at one point in Quill's education, has tried something he wasn't used to : being soft. And the result was an awkward hardworking captain... to a point where even Quill felt awkward.  
> So, in this first Fluff chapter, I tried to communicate that awkward feeling shared between the two of them.  
> And there's another OC : Moruk !

"Still lookin' forward tastin' ya, lil' one !" Moruk hissed at Peter while the Terran was quietly eating his meal at the canteen.  
Peter took a deep breath, put his spoon down, stood up. He walked towards the Ravager and looked up at him. He wasn't scared. He had sworn to himself he would never be scared again, he would only be brave and fight his way out of this life. Maintaining the eye-contact, Peter lashed out, his voice remaining calm :  
"I pity you, it must be hard living with such a small brain you can't even get it when something is never gonna happen. Oh ! I'm sorry… my sentence must have been too hard for your little head to understand. You want me to rephrase it for you ? It means screw you !" that being said, Peter kicked Moruk's chin with his foot.  
Then he struck him in the stomach with his right elbow, his right hand protecting his face at the same time. He gave his opponent the final blow by hitting hard in his genitals using his knee. The crowd was cheering his name. He had won this fight thanks to his agility and the effect of surprise : nobody would have expected he was going to answer to Moruk's teasing and be the first one to attack !  
That's just how much Peter had decided to change. He was gonna make sure nobody would ever consider him the weak one again and escape of the Elector when he would have the chance to. He couldn't keep on waiting anymore. He was too furious to stay here any longer.

Despite the « part of a plan » Peter had come up with, his chance to escape was nowhere to be seen. Why ? Because Yondu wasn't a fool, he knew what Peter was yearning for. That's why Peter had never had the opportunity to go back on missions since the « statues incident » on Jetormaa.  
Each time the Ravagers needed him, they would chain him up to one of them with a magnetic wire without letting him any means of escape. And that was when he was allowed on missions. He now spent most of the time washing Ravagers' clothes, moping floors and cooking, what a true space pirate life !  
Day by day, Peter was even more eager to go away than the day before. He had to think of a true plan now, otherwise he would live inside the Elector forever.

After what had happened at the canteen today, Yondu had tasked him to clean the long corridor that led to the dorms and the captain's quarter. Maybe Peter could sneak in the Centaurain's private rooms and find the keys to an M-ship, anything that might help him run away !  
He didn't get much time to think about it, Yondu approached him.  
"You know why I'm doin' this, right, boy ?"  
'I'm not your boy, stop calling me that way !' Peter thought, he didn't want to answer, he didn't want to spend time with Yondu at all. But the Centaurian went on after having sighed :  
"See, Quill, I can't have ya on missions if you keep screwin' everythin' up. We need to trust each other, ya know, like partners. Ya can't go with us if ya don't listen to us…"  
"Yeah ! Like it's easy for me to listen and trust people who keep putting me down, threatening to eat me and stealing anything that bring happiness to me !" Peter burst.  
Yondu stayed silent for a few seconds, he craned his head down, smiling. Then he shook his head and met Peter's gaze, still smiling. What was wrong with him now ? Deep down, Peter wished he hadn't reacted like that. He had no idea how Yondu was gonna react and it made him uneasy. The captain asked :  
"So it really's 'bout your mummy, ain't it ?"   
"Don't you dare talk about my mother ! You have no right to mention her, you scumbag !"  
Yondu could punish Peter, snatch his belongings from him, beat him up, humiliate him again and again but he couldn't say anything about Mom. Peter would never allow this. That was forbidden. Nobody would ever soil her memory !  
That's why Peter rushed towards Yondu, taking advantage of his size and his speed to slip between his legs. He got up, preparing to jump and seize the back of Yondu's neck with his arms… but the captain had already turned around ! Peter hadn't even started to jump that Yondu pushed him to the ground with his hands. Peter hit the floor. He had to stand up ! Or he would lose ! Peter even wondered if he didn't already know that he would lose this fight. He didn't match against Yondu Udonta.  
The Terran had been too slow, Yondu pressed his foot on Peter's chest, preventing him from moving. Peter struggled. He had to break free ! He was gonna be beaten up pretty badly ! He didn't want that… Yondu was too strong, he didn't want Yondu to beat him up ! He was scared. He punched Yondu's foot. Tried to roll to get out. Kicked hoping he could hit Yondu with his legs who were still free. Nothing worked. He had lost. It was gonna be painful. He was scared.

"Made some progress, kid ! But ya still have a lot to learn before ya beat me." Yondu said cheerfully, removing his foot from Peter's chest.  
Peter was astonished : no beating him up today ? That was pretty odd. What was Yondu scheming ?  
"Did ya learn all those moves alone the past two months ? I saw ya at the canteen : a kick in the balls, that's quite… ballsy." Yondu went back to questioning Peter.  
"I did… only the kick in the balls is from my Mom. She would always tell me to do that to people who would bother me." Peter answered, he had decided to be honest. Yondu had never been so comfortable with him before, he tried to do the same… to see if something could finally work out between the two of them.  
Yondu burst into laughter. It was the first time Peter had made him laugh. The first time Yondu would laugh alone with Peter, too. Only it was about Mom and that wasn't tolerable.  
"Stop laughing about my mother !" Peter ordered Yondu, trying to punch him while the Centaurian was pushing him away, his hand on the boy's head and still laughing.  
"Your Mom was a pretty cool woman…" Yondu finally said, having finished to laugh.  
"Yeah, she was." Peter admitted, having stopped trying to hit Yondu. "Only abandoning me wasn't very cool…"  
"Ya miss her."  
Peter didn't answer, he wasn't gonna appear weak in front of Yondu. Instead he asked :  
"Will you keep asking me personal questions or finally teach me some new fighting moves ?"  
"I won't show ya new moves, kid. You gotta learn alone, have your own fighting style. But don't worry about missin' your mummy, I'll give ya so much work ya won't have a sec' to think 'bout her !" Yondu exclaimed handing the broom over Peter.  
"What ?! That's stupid ! What's the point ? Okay : I wanna be a Ravager, I said it. Now, just give me some meaningful work to do !" Peter protested.  
He had been honest. Deep down, he wanted to be a Ravager, that was true, he had just wanted to feel respected and secure first, and had thought he would never feel like that in Yondu's clan. Thats' why he had wanted to escape. But that conversation had started to change his perspective.

"Shaddap !" Yondu yelled at him. "I'm the captain, I decide whatcha gonna do and I say : go back to work !"  
Peter looked angrily at him, he guessed some things would never change, Yondu was a dick and he'll always be. "I spat it out : you made me say I wanted to be a Ravager. You must be happy now. Gosh, I hate you !" he thought.  
"Huhh… what I mean, boy, is… You gotta learn to stay clean and responsible, have an organized way of livin'. Might sound weird but… it helps learnin' how to fight ! How to be a Ravager ! Well, it helped me…" Yondu sighed, his voice sounding less confidant than ever.  
Yondu wasn't used talking like that. He was making an effort to be nicer to Peter ! This day really was full of surprises for the Terran. Then the captain took the broom from Peter's hands and went on :  
"Wanna fight like me ? Watch this : you wipe the floor like this… like layin' traps for the ennemy. Ya use the broom efficiently, savin' as much movement as ya can to keep your stamina and skillfully avoid the slippery areas… like fightin' your opponent. And it develops the muscle !"  
Peter watched as Yondu was moping the floor. He had expected everything… except that : the scary Centaurian he hated, who had torn his life off a strip for months… was moping the floor. At first he tried his best not to laugh. Then Peter stopped finding it so comical, in his own way, Yondu was teaching him fighting moves. A way that was so unique, Peter started to admire the captain.  
He even began to think Yondu was kinda cool.

He remembered his Mom calling him « Star-Lord », that was a pretty cool name for a cool space pirate… the one he wanted to become… but he first had to learn.  
And Peter wanted to learn what Yondu had to teach him, he wanted to become an amazing space pirate. As amazing as Yondu had been that day.  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yondu had spent a lot of time the last couple of weeks trying to find a new way to deal with Quill. He had observed the boy to do so, tried to remember as much details as he could and had ended up with a pretty strong theory. According to him, the kid was missing his mummy.  
He was missing her so much, he easily felt out of place. All alone in that vast galaxy, Quill had searched for a new comforting figure, finding that figure would help him face hardships. However, Yondu and his men had treated him like Quill was a strong adult able to deal with the trauma of losing a parent at such a young age ! Of course, the boy had ended up wanting to leave them, he was being persecuted and still in need of a comforting figure. A comforting figure he couldn't find on the Elector.  
That's why Quill had cared so much about the little package, the audio performer and the statues of the Jotermaan deities ! They reminded him of his mummy. They were what he had considered as his comforting figure the most !  
To tell the truth, Yondu didn't really understand how traumatizing losing a parent could be. Perhaps because he had no memories of his own parents. They had sold him when he was a damn baby. He didn't know their name, what they looked like nor their whereabouts… to a point when he had been convinced he didn't have parents when he had been five years old (or four, he didn't recall). Yeah, that may be why he didn't find it that traumatizing losing a parent… 

Then Yondu wondered how he would feel if he ever had to deal with losing Him. Since he had never known his parents, maybe they didn't count. Maybe he had to imagine living knowing He was gone to understand how the boy felt. After all, He was the closest thing to a parent Yondu ever had.  
And it was painful for Yondu. Except He was still alive while Quill's mother wasn't. Now he started to get some semblance of the boy's pain. 

Yondu wanted to keep the boy beside him, he needed it. He wanted to do the right thing… and he felt like keeping Quill by his side would give him something he would never find elsewhere. It was just a feeling, he had no particular idea what that thing was, but it was a strong intuition he had.  
Now, what Yondu had to do to keep Quill was convincing him to become a Ravager again so that the boy wouldn't keep on trying to escape. And to do so, Yondu had to help Quill find his « comforting figure » on the Elector.  
The only problem being he couldn't ask any of his men to be Quill's comforting figure. Most of them hated him. Some wanted him to leave the crew. Others liked him but didn't really know why Yondu had kept him. The captain couldn't just approach them, reveal that Quill becoming a Ravager had been Yondu's selfish decision and tell them to convince the boy to stay there when they actually didn't need him that much. Indeed, Quill hadn't been on many missions lately and it hadn't changed anything ! Fortunately, his boys weren't really complaining about it right now…  
Well, that made the choice pretty obvious : Yondu had to become Quill's comforting figure. It was okay. It was just some kind of an evolution of the « 1 % thing ». 

He went to see the boy in the long corridor leading to his quarter. Quill was moping the floor. Yondu took a deep breath and started the conversation :  
"You know why I'm doin' this, right, boy ?" No answer, Yondu sighed before continuing. "See, Quill, I can't have ya on missions if you keep screwin' everythin' up. We need to trust each other, ya know, like partners. Ya can't go with us if ya don't listen to us…"  
"Yeah ! Like it's easy for me to listen and trust people who keep putting me down, threatening to eat me and stealing anything that bring a bit of happiness to me !"  
Yondu was surprised by how intense Quill's emotions had felt when the boy had answered. Then he realized something, something extremely important. 'Bingo'. He was right. Quill was really missing his mother.  
"So it really is 'bout your mummy, ain't it ?"   
"Don't you dare talk about my mother ! You have no right to mention her, you scumbag !"  
Quill hadn't even finished his sentence when he ran towards Yondu, once again it took the Centaurian aback to see the Terran taking initiatives and being the one to start the fight, trying to defend himself. Still, the kid had underestimated him a bit. The Terran was behind him. Yondu turned around quicklier than Quill had thought and easily got the upperhand back.  
He was now immobilizing the boy with his foot on the Terran's chest. Refusing to surrender nor accept his defeat, Quill kept on gesticulating to break free. Yondu couldn't do anything more than admire the kid's fighting spirit for now. He let him go, he had questions for him and something to do.

"Made some progress, kid ! But ya still have a lot to learn before ya beat me." he told him. "Did ya learn all those moves alone the past two months ? I saw ya at the canteen : a kick in the balls, that's quite… ballsy."  
"I did… only the kick in the balls is from my Mom. She would always tell me to do that to people who would bother me."  
That wasn't the answer Yondu was expecting, he burst into laughter.  
"Stop laughing about my mother !"  
He could hear the kid protest. He kept him away using the length of his arm as the boy tried to punch him, his hand on the boy's face. The Centaurian kept on laughing. Quill's early childhood must have been one hell of a ride, growing up with such a mother. It made Yondu want to meet Quill's mother. This thought made him quite sad, Quill's mother had passed away, that was the very reason he was here, trying to be comfortable with the kid. He got his earnestness back.  
"Your Mom was a pretty cool woman…"  
"Yeah, she was." Quill said, stopping to try punching Yondu. "Only abandoning me wasn't very cool…"  
"Ya miss her."

Quill acted as though he hadn't listened and asked Yondu to teach him fighting moves. Things were going way too fast ! One moment of understanding and Quill was already starting to disrespect Yondu again ! He had to be careful and keep his authority undamaged :  
"I won't show ya new moves, kid. You gotta learn alone, have your own fighting style. But don't worry about missin' your mummy, I'll give ya so much work ya won't have a sec' to think 'bout her !" he said giving him the broom, ready to show him something he had planned to.  
"What ?! That's stupid ! What's the point ? Okay, I wanna be a Ravager, I said it. Now just give me some meaningful work to do !"  
"Shaddap ! I'm the captain, I decide what ya gonna do and I say : go back to work !"  
Quill's reaction was exactly what Yondu had been supposed to anticipate. Of course, things would never work out if he kept treating the boy that way ! There was no point slowly accepting him as a Ravager and promising to train him if he didn't change his behaviour and started acting a little bit nicer. 

Yondu tried again :  
"Huhh… what I mean boy is… You gotta learn to stay clean and responsible, have an organized way of livin'. Might sound weird but… it helps learning how to fight ! How to be a Ravager ! Well, it helped me… Wanna fight like me ? Watch this !"  
And then Yondu started showing Quill how he, as a slave boy, had learned how to fight. The boy really felt alone and abandoned in a galaxy where he had no purpose nor plans… just like Yondu had felt at some point in his life.

The Centaurian felt awkward showing how he had learned all his skills to the boy… and he also had a bit of fun, Quill had seemed quite receptive and that had made Yondu more confidant. To a point where, when they parted ways, he would just remember about the whole « comforting figure » thing.  
He had been honest with Quill. He had also tried to be caring. He was hoping this would work. Hopefully, Quill may had just started to think Yondu could become his new comforting figure…


	8. One long Sleepless Night

No matter how hard he tried, Peter couldn't sleep. It had been so for a couple months now, he had thought he would eventually get over it… but he couldn't sleep tonight either. What was going on with him ? He had sworn he would never be scared again and now he was having nightmares ?  
From the beginning, Peter had known that, deep down, he was still scared. The facade he had built had been so efficient at first, why was everything crumbling now ? Just when he started to be accepted by the Ravagers. He had to try and not mess everything up.

What caused him nightmares was this damn fresco he had seen a few months ago on Jotermaa. The one with the man eating his own children. It had resonated so hard with Peter's situation that the boy couldn't get this fresco out of his head. It was carved in his mind. Every night Peter would imagine what it felt like being torn limb from limb, feeling your blood running out of your veins, suffocating as seeing before your very eyes someone eat one of your body parts, the fear, the pain and the despair it must be causing…  
And that's how he ended up not sleeping at all, trying to deaden his sobs so as not to wake any Ravager up.

Peter felt his tears rolling down his cheeks. His heart was aching. His throat was dry. His eyes were hurting. His breath was shaking. And he wanted to sneeze so badly : it was almost impossible not to make any sound.  
"Hey, Quill ! We can clearly hear ya so stop weepin' already or I'll come for ya, I'm hungry, Quill !" someone in the dorms shouted.  
It was quickly echoed by the threats of other Ravagers who were still awake :  
"Yeah ! Shut the fuck up ! Or I'm really gonna eat ya !"   
"You gotta do something for us ! Ya can't expect us be nice when ya pissin' us off and not beatin' ya at the same time. So stop or we gonna make this a lil' bit more fair !"  
The whole dorm had woken up now ! Peter could see the shapes of Ravager standing up in the dark. He imagined their furious glares, them waiting to devour him. He had thought the space pirates had grown out of wanting to eat him… but he had been wrong ! Now he was gonna die… just when things had started to get a little bit better…  
Hearing knives being sharpen, Peter hid under his blanket. 'Mom, someone, help !'

"What's this all 'bout, boys ?! Are y'all out of your damn mind ?" Yondu yelled entering the dorm. "How many times I have to tell ya we need the kid ?"  
"But Cap', he's makin' too much noise we can't sleep…" Halfnut interfered. "Why're ya bein' so nice with him, don't we matter too ?"  
"I ain't nice, boy !" Yondu snapped back, apparently furious his authority was being discussed. "I'm just pragmatic : we don't wanna kill the kid. But if that makes y'all happy, he'll spend the night in his jail learnin' to be quiet !"  
Peter was so relieved Yondu had saved him, but he was also ashamed of himself. And sad because he didn't want to spend one more night in this prison he knew too much. But mostly ashamed that he had needed the Centaurain's help.  
As his captain dragged him towards the prison, Peter felt really bad. Not only did he had required Yondu's help, but he had also surely disappointeed him. And that was even more painful. Peter didn't want to look like a weakling to Yondu anymore. He wanted his captain to keep on trusting and training him !  
And to maintain Yondu's trust, Peter knew that he had to resign himself to spending the night in jail figuring out a way to drown his demons once and for all ! 

However, Peter didn't quite get it when he realized Yondu wasn't leading him to the jail… but to the captain's quarter ! 

Yondu opened his bedroom's door and let Peter come in. Peter had no idea what he was doing here. It felt intimidating to see Yondu's private space for the first time. Peter had imagined it dirty since it was the only areas he wasn't asked to clean up. But the Terran was surprised by how clean it was. No trace of dust. No cobwebs of insects from the galaxy. No crumbs.  
Then Peter understood why it was so clean : Yondu was actually quite skilled in household jobs ! His quarters were easily the most beautiful rooms inside the whole Elector.  
There wasn't much furnitures, only a few cupboards and a king size bed, it made the room appear vast, tidied hence reassuring. A few figurines from different planets stood here and there, it made Peter chuckled to realize Yondu was quite the collector.

"Now, go to bed !" Yondu abruptly told Peter.  
"What ?! You mean… in your bed ?" Peter stammered.  
Letting out a sigh, Yondu pushed him. Peter fell on the bed… it was so soft, so cozy, so heartwarming. Peter realized he had almost forgotten how a real bed felt. He had slept on the floor or in a small hammock since he had left Earth. It was the first time he slept in a bed since he had been abducted.  
"Just so ya know… it'll be the last time, got it ? And not a word 'bout this, boy !" Yondu mumbled going to bed next to Peter.  
Peter wanted to ask Yondu why he was doing this. He was putting his authority as captain in danger by helping Peter so much. But Peter was too exhausted to ask more questions. He was also too surprised… and too happy to befriend the Centaurian again. He just answered :  
"Yes, Cap' !"  
He was sure he had heard Yondu chuckle.

Yondu slept shirtless, that's why Peter noticed the many scars he had on his body. Sure, he knew Yondu has scars just by seeing his face marked by so many of them. But Yondu's chest was something else. It shocked Peter so much, he started the conversation :  
"Did you get these scars because someone tried to eat you ?"  
Yondu opened his eyes, apparently he wasn't expecting such a question nor a discussion between the two of them to start. He looked at Peter and started to laugh hysterically :  
"You really reckon that's the reason, lil' idiot ?! It ain't. I just fought, Quill… besides I would taste too bad, Ravagers taste too bad !"  
"Then I hope I'll become a Ravager soon." Peter added, not even offended Yondu called him « idiot », just reassured.  
Yondu turned towards Peter's side in all seriousness. He surely was about to say something important, Peter listened.  
"Ya will, Quill. I bet ya will… And the start of yer Ravager training already makes ya taste a bit bad ! Next time show'em what ya're made of and only count on yourself ! Be strong and firm. Ya'll get closer to bein' a Ravager if ya do that."

Peter smiled before Yondu turned around and started to sleep. Peter felt reassured and confident. This was going to be a good night of sleep.  
Instinctively, he turned towards Yondu's side, watching his captain's broad and strong back before closing his eyes, as if it was protecting him.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yondu was tidying his quarter. It was a habit he had taken as a slave : cleaning, tidying and organizing a room. He would often do that to clear his thoughts. Arranging things helped him arranging his mind. Needless to say his mind was pretty perturbed lately. Since Quill's arrival, Yondu had never been so unsure about what he had to do.  
Now that Quill was finally starting to slowly set in, a new problem had showed up : favouritism. Yondu had to be careful not to take too much care of the boy. 

Months ago he had been convinced he would resist to favouritism… now he was less sure about that. So he tidied his quarter, trying to find a solution when Kraglin came in :  
"Knock, knock Cap'… huh… Ya might wanna help Quill out right now…"  
"Why the hell would I ?" Yondu asked tired of always hearing Quill was in trouble.  
"The crew sleepin' in his dorms is kinda pissed he's cryin'… I thought ya'd to come and help'm out since we need'm and… ya like him."  
Yondu sighed. He knew what was going on with the kid. It was an idea that had occurred to him while he was cleaning : Quill was completely blocked by his fears. 

Yondu had succeeded persuading the kid to become a Ravager by making him comfortable with his captain. The next step for Quill was to befriend other Ravagers now that he had gained more confidence and a sort of « point of reference ». The boy was cut out for being a Ravager, he was agile, fast, smart and had pretty good reflexes.  
That had been Yondu's plan.  
And yet there was still something immobilizing Quill : he was struggling with his deepest fears.  
It was, once again, time for a change of plan. Yondu took it upon himself and went to see the boy. He would tell his men Quill would spend his night in jail, and actually take him to his room. That way they would have a conversation and hopefully Quill would quickly overcome his fears without any of Yondu's men learning about what had happened !  
(…)

"Did you get these scars because someone tried to eat you ?"

Yondu was still processing the fact that Quill had called him « Cap' » for the first time when the boy took him by surprise with his question. He opened his eyes and laughed. Quill's question made everything easier now ! He wouldn't have to come up with a plan that would make Quill spit it out. That was what had bugged the kid, that was the source of his insecurities : the fear of being eaten.  
The Centaurian hadn't expected something like that to be Quill's deepest fear.  
When Yondu had first talked about eating him, it had been a joke. It had even become a running gag between him and his closest men.  
Now, some of his men were dumb and really wanted to eat him but Yondu knew they would never do such thing : most of them didn't even know how to cut up an Orloni ! They would stop trying to eat Quill the moment they would understand they had no idea how to.  
But Quill didn't seem to know that, and it was damn funny he was taking it so seriously !  
So funny that Yondu decided to keep that for him. He would tell Quill when he had grown up, he couldn't wait to see the look on his face !

"You really reckon that's the reason, lil' idiot ?! It ain't. I just fought, Quill… besides I would taste too bad, Ravagers taste too bad !" Yondu answered.  
"Then I hope I'll become a Ravager soon."  
"Ya will, Quill. I bet ya will… And the start of your Ravager training already makes ya taste a bit bad ! Next time show'em what ya're made of and only count on yourself ! Be strong and firm. Ya'll get closer to bein' a Ravager if ya do that." Yondu told him turning towards his side to make eye contact.  
Yondu was hoping he was doing it right, hoping he was reassuring the kid, hoping he was encouraging him to overcome his fears.  
He saw Quill smiling.  
That was all he needed to know, Quill would do fine. The boy was strong. He knew it. Sleeping here would help him confidantly drown his demons.  
Yondu turned around to sleep. He always prefered to sleep on his right side.  
Quill was sleeping on the left side of the bed. But then the Centaurian felt he hadn't much room left on the bed, he turned his head a bit : Quill had rolled all over to Yondu's side and was now snoring his face three inches away from Yondu's back ! 

It gave Yondu a warm feeling.

Then the captain wondered how things were going to turn out in the days to come… he wanted to be nice with the boy, get closer to him. But he also was a Ravager captain who had to treat his men equally to maintain cohesion, respect and his authority on the Elector.  
Yondu asked himself if it was really possible to deal with both of these feelings without deteriorating the crew…


	9. Wait and See How Things are Gonna Be

Peter went to the captain's quarter. He had no clue as to why Yondu had summoned him but he had a theory… The Centaurian probably wanted to praise him for how successful the last mission had been thanks to Peter Jason Quill.  
Indeed the Terran had sneaked into a wrecked and abandoned spaceship to find some jewelry or anything that would be pricey on the black market, but he had insisted staying longer and exploring more. Ending up finding fuel and even a bit of vibranium from Earth ! Peter had made the clan richer than expected and the Ravagers had celebrated him all night long. The little boy was surprised by how quickly many Ravagers had started to befriend him after this event. He guessed it was because he had acted like a true Ravager, resulting in pretty much the whole crew accepting him as one of their own.

And now Peter was standing in front of the door leading to Yondu's quarter. Even though their relationship was stronger than it had ever been before, the Terran didn't want to open the door. What if Yondu wasn't gonna praise him but rather yell at him or tell him he had made a mistake ? Peter would be so sad… After everything that had happened, Yondu was the last person he wanted to upset.  
He didn't want to disappoint his captain. On the contrary : he wanted to please him so much, he would always freak out before any of their meeting… He took a deep breath. Knocked on the door. And entered.

Yondu was standing, turning his back to Peter, but the boy knew he was definitely aware of his presence, looking at the stars through the porthole of his cabin.  
Without saying a thing, his captain walked towards a cupboard next to the bed. Still quiet, he opened a drawer. Then he silently got closer to Quill and handed him… his walman and Mom's gift over !  
Peter looked at him, completely shocked, he thought they had been traded for his translator implant ! How was it possible ? That was his walkman, no doubt about it. And this truly was Mom's gift, it was the same packaging and it had been left wrapped. But before Peter could ask any questions, Yondu said casually :  
"Thought t'was 'bout time I give that back to ya…"  
Peter's surprise had turned into anger : he threw an uppercut at Yondu, which the Centaurian avoided. The boy shouted :  
"Why did you wait so long to give them back to me ! Those were mine, you scumbag !"  
"Hey, hey take it easy, Quill ! I'd to be sure I could trust ya…" Yondu answered in that same nonchalant tone, kicking Peter's stomach with his knee.  
"Kof… Kof… Then w-why did you t-take them in the first place if you were gonna give them back to me anyway ?!" Peter snapped back, grasping Yondu's knee with both his arms and legs to unbalance him and make him fall to the ground… which he achieved.

Now they were both on the ground. Peter refused to let go of Yondu's leg, biting his knee with all his might. Then he felt something odd. Something soothing. Something comforting and… warm. Yes, it went by four like this : odd, soothing, comforting and warm. 

Yondu was patting Peter's head.

"Ya did good, Quill." Yondu praised him. "Ya counterattacked me, boy. T'was pretty good. I didn't want my boys to know I paid your bloody translator, that's why I kept'em… Now ya deserve to have'em back."  
Peter was furious… and relieved… and happy. It was weird.  
"Now get back to work. We may've thrown a damn party for ya but ya still gotta clean up the engine room ! Go on." Yondu brought Peter to task.  
Peter didn't really want to clean anything up right now. But he had to please Yondu. Even more after what his captain just did. As he was about to leave the room, Peter turned back one last time and smiled to Yondu. It was his shy way of saying « thank you » to him.

Glad he was finally accepted as a Ravager, happy to have his belongings back and overjoyed Yondu had praised him, Peter danced in the corridor, like no one was watching, to the upbeat ryhtm of Come and Get Your Love by Redbone, 1973.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

After what Quill had proved what he was able to do to the rest of the crew, and especially to the captain, Yondu had decided it was time to hand him his Terran belongings over. It would serve as a reward and as a symbol of trust. He had asked Kraglin to fetch him and was now waiting for the boy to come.  
To be honest, Yondu had often wanted to open the kid's present. It intrigued him to know what the boy's badass mummy would have given him before unfortunately dying. But that was not something he had to do. It had to be Quill. Yondu would already give the present back, that was the best he could do.  
Yondu would give his things back to the boy. His crew, of course, wasn't gonna enjoy it at first. But the captain would explain to them he had paid the translator with his own savings and that the damn translator had allowed Quill to rock on missions and make them rich. They would eventually understand.  
(…)

The Centaurian hadn't quite expected Quill to be that aggressive. Furthermore, the kid counterattacked and unbalanced Yondu, making them fall to the ground : now that struck the captain. Quill was making huge progress ! 

Yondu was… proud of him. 

So proud he didn't really control what he was doing and started to pat Quill on the head. The boy seemed to be surprised, nevertheless he let him do it for a few seconds.  
What was going on in Yondu's mind again ? He had patted him out of pure reflexe without having anticipated anything. He was lucky the boy had taken it pretty well, otherwise Yondu would have ended up in an awkward situation he hadn't calculated.  
He had to do something, and fast !  
"Now get back to work. We may've thrown a damn party for ya but ya still gotta clean up the engine room ! Go on."  
Yondu was relieved he had found a way to control the situation again.  
He was just glad the boy was turning into a good Ravager, nothing else. No reason to panic. 

However Peter Quill's smile before obediantly leaving the room hit him hard. That smile. That damn smile. A thankful, shy and heartwarming smile made him feel like he really had a connection with the kid. Something he had never felt before. Was it the « 1 % thing » ? The « comforting figure » thing ? Or something else ? Something much more ?  
Why had he felt the urge to pat him like that ?  
Yondu didn't like it. He was getting lost. He had no idea of what was the truth, of what was the lie. It just felt incredibly wrong and, at the same time, incredibly right spending time with the kid. Each time they would part ways, Yondu would be impatient to see the boy again.  
Yondu was getting lost, he truly didn't like it.

After having knocked, Halfnut entered in his quarter, apparently upset :  
"Cap's what's this ? Quill has his Terra things, we was thinkin' you'd traded'em, Cap' ! Why did ya pay for the kid ?"  
"Just so ya know, I paid with my own savings, not with the clan's collective money. And look where it had led us : thanks to the translator and the boy, we're rich !"  
"That ain't the point, Cap'. Ya paid it with your own savings : that's the real point ! Ya never did somethin' like that to us, w'all had to trade somethin' for our translator… that ain't right, Cap', that ain't fair !"  
Halfnut left. Leaving Yondu to wonder if he would ever be able to show Quill how he cared about him when his role as captain was so important and delicate. 

It pained him to realize he would never have it both ways.


	10. When the World is much Brighter

Peter was casually listening to songs from his walkman. Now that he had gotten it back, he wouldn't stop listening to his favourite tunes. He would mop the floor, eat, go to sleep, wash his clothes while listening to music.  
He had just finished helping the cook. He had quickly left since many Ravagers had started gathering and Peter wanted to be alone to listen to music. He was going back to his dorm, maybe he would take a short nap… when an outburst of light caught his eye.  
I Want You Back by The Jackson 5, 1969 was playing and Peter got closer to a porthole to figure out what was going on. Red. Green. Blue. Yellow. Red again. Different colors brightly exploded before fading away into ether.  
They were fireworks.  
Peter didn't exactly recall when the last time he had ever seen fireworks was. More than a year ago for sure now that, according to Gef, he was nine years old. He had been on the Elector for more than an Earth year . He had bought new clothes with the money he was earning on missions : a leather jacket, two T-shirts, a few underwears and large khaki wool pants. With these new « space clothes » on, he cheerfully watched « space fireworks » listening to one of his favourite Earth song. And that feeling was awesome.

However it was quickly ruined by the big blue fist he knew too well, who made his walkman and Peter fall to the ground.  
"Can't believe ya're that unrespectful, boy ! Stop with that audioperformer of yours or I'll take it from ya again !" Yondu shouted at him.  
"What was that for, you dumbass ?! I've no idea what's going on here ! So could you stop punching me for once ?!" Peter furiously snapped back while he was getting up to face Yondu. "Besides… it's not an « audioperformer », it's a WALK-MAN, I told you !"  
Peter still didn't really get how he had to behave with his captain. They could be so close one day, and always fight and insult each other the next day. And now Yondu had punched him without Peter even knowing why. What was it that he had done so wrong ? He wanted to please the Centaurian, he did, but Yondu wasn't really helping… 

"That, boy, is a Ravager funeral… for Moruk." Yondu said in a more relaxed tone, sitting down on one of the stairs that were a few meters away.  
That's right, Moruk had died on his mission the day before… he had fell into a quicksand and a giant worm had bitten him, poisoning him. Peter had never liked Moruk but at least, that guy had died honorably.  
"Are you, like… happy he's dead… I mean, why fireworks ?" Peter asked, bracing for the potential impact of Yondu slapping him for such a question.  
"'Cause death as a Ravager is the most beautiful death you could ask for, kid. « Follow the code and die a Ravager, honour the fallen and your life'll be celebrated too »."  
"What's that ?" Peter kept asking, sitting next to his captain.  
"The last part of the Ravager code, Quill. It means ya've gotta live every day like a true Ravager, so that ya can die a Ravager an' earn yer Ravager funeral. That's what the code's for. To help us live as true Ravagers. Now, Moruk has deserved his."  
"That's pretty cool…" Peter didn't expect such depths, he had always thought the Ravager code was something silly, now he understood that he hadn't learn it yet because he was too young. "And beautiful."  
"'T's also a way for us to remember death can be beautiful… and cool too." Yondu smiled and softly said. "You'll have your own one day, if ya behave and act as a Ravager, boy."  
"I will ?!" Peter couldn't believe it. That would be so cool. He really had to become a true Ravager, he really wanted that kind of send-off.  
The view from this porthole, in front of the staircase's bottom, was pretty good. The Terran wondered if Yondu knew about this view or if it was just a coincidence. Then Peter looked up at Yondu. The Centaurian was looking at the fireworks. After having told Peter all these beautiful things and being now standing there so stoically with such a prestance, the Terran really thought Yondu was very cool. So he asked him :  
"Will you have one of these too ?"  
Yondu opened his eyes wide, then he lowered his head and gave Peter a side glance before answering :  
"No, moron. I don't deserve it."  
He had surprisingly said that in a lighthearted tone that baffled Peter. A lighthearted tone that almost sounded fake.  
What baffled Peter even more was the reason why Yondu didn't deserve this kind of funerals : that wasn't fair, he was the strongest and the coolest Ravager ever !

Peter didn't dare to ask another question. Even Yondu didn't seem to be in the mood to answer to Peter's questions. So they both stood there, quietly watching the fireworks.  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Why had he punched the kid again ?  
Yondu knew he had to be careful not being too close to the kid… but they were alone right now ! The other Ravagers were at the canteen, the hangar, the pilothouse or the observation post where the views were better.  
He guessed he had punched him because he didn't want the boy to act like a minority of his men who were taking a nap, completely disrespecting their fallen comrade. He wanted the boy to properly behave. He felt like it was his responsibility. 

Whatever. Yondu had to take the time to explain what was going on to the kid. It was his fault for never having told him before. He had to do it calmly, he knew too well that Quill had only lost his mother one year ago and still had trouble coping with death in itself.  
So he sat down and spoke softly to encourage the boy to come next to him :  
"That, boy, is a Ravager funeral… for Moruk."  
The bottom of the staircase connecting the dorms to the corridor of the canteen provided an underrated view according to Yondu. He liked this spot, better than the one in his quarter. He would always look at funerals from here. He felt closer to his men who were watching in the canteen, while still being alone since nobody watched it from here. But now he wanted to share this view with Quill.  
"Are you, like… happy he's dead… I mean, why fireworks ?"  
"'Cause death as a Ravager is the most beautiful death you could ask for, kid. « Follow the code and die a Ravager, honour the fallen and your life'll be celebrated too »."  
It felt odd to Yondu, quoting the Ravager code like that, when he had spent most of his time betraying one of its part : « Don't deal in kids ». Then he saw Quill sitting next to him, looking at the funerals from the view Yondu liked so much while still asking questions. It encouraged Yondu to keep answering the boy.  
"What's that ?" Quill inquired.  
"The last part of the Ravager code, Quill. It means ya've gotta live every day like a true Ravager, so that ya can die a Ravager an' earn your Ravager funeral. That's what the code's for. Now, Moruk has deserved his."  
"That's pretty cool… And beautiful."  
"'T's also a way for us to remember death can be beautiful… and cool too." Yondu was glad the boy was so receptive, every day he would be more convinced Quill would make a fine Ravager. "You'll have your own one day, if ya behave and act as a Ravager, boy."  
"I will ?!" the Terran looked so excited, it gave Yondu a warm-feeling.

After a few minutes of silence between the two of them, as Yondu watched the shimmering colors honoring Moruk's life, Quill said :  
"Will you have one of these too ?"  
The Centaurain hadn't expected such a question. It disturbed him. How would he explain such a difficult situation to the kid ? How would he do it without mentioning Ego nor his half-siblings, without mentioning everything that had happened until now ? Giving his mother's present and his « walkman » had been difficult enough. The simplest choice was to lie. But Yondu didn't want to lie to the kid. He wanted them to be able to trust each other. That implied he had to do his share and tell the truth. But how would he tell the truth without sparking the boy's interest ?  
"No, moron. I don't deserve it." he answered faking lightheartedness and hoping calling Quill « moron » would make it clear he didn't want this discussion to be any longer.

It had worked. Now they were both quietly standing there, watching the fireworks.


	11. Jump Into the Air

Now that Peter was ten, he felt like there should be more things he could do than just go on missions, do household tasks and train to fight. Peter wanted to become a Ravager, but his training wasn't complete. For instance, he had never learned how to pilot an M-ship ! Every Ravager had his own M-ship and Peter thought he had to be able to pilot one of them so that he could get one and finally become a Ravager. Peter was so excited about becoming a full-member of the crew that he could barely sleep. 

That night, he thought about it so much that his urge to learn made him quietly left his hammock. Not waking any snoring Ravager up, he went to the hangar.  
If nobody would teach him how to pilot an M-ship, he would learn by himself… just like he had learned how to fight !

Peter arrived at the hangar. So many M-ships were there ! Peter saw a picth black one who, he thought, would be perfect to hide and travel in space. He tried to sneak in… only to realize the M-ship won't open since he hadn't the keys… That had to be expected, the Ravagers weren't that dumb, Peter was being the dumb one. Disappointed and frustrated, Peter kept on looking for a ship that he might be able to take. He was convinced that, with some luck, he could find one that was free to use.  
And then he found it : one where the keys had been left ! It was a dark red and black one. Pretty imposing. Much cooler than the pitch black one. With lots of customizations such as paintings or stickers. Peter thought it was perfect. He took a step forward to enter the ship. He couldn't wait to see the controls, to sit on the console chair and go into hyperspace for the first time of his life !  
But he couldn't make it. Something was preventing him from moving. Something was pulling him. He turned his head.  
Yondu was holding him by the back of his jacket ! 'Oh man…' Peter instantly got ready for another scolding. He hadn't paid attention about being followed. The Terran really was the dumb one tonight ! And the worst part about it was that it was Yondu who had caught him… He didn't want to make his captain angry, he didn't like it when he was angry : he was a bit scary. But Peter wanted so much to be able to finally pilot an M-ship : he had dreamed about it since his first arrival… Well, now he guessed it was too early and, indeed, time for scolding :  
"The hell ya doin' ?" Yondu wanted to scream but could only harshly whisper so as not to wake the entire crew up.  
"I want to pilot the ship, it was available, wasn't it ?" Peter whispered back.  
"I'm talkin' 'bout how you made it so easy for me to see ya were sneakin' out. Thought I'd taught ya better than this !… And that ship ain't available, 'tis Taserface's. That dumbass always forgets his damn keys."  
Yondu was right. Peter had been so excited he hadn't really thought about the cameras in the captain's quarter. Why hadn't Yondu been sleeping like the rest of the crew ? It would have made things so much easier. 

Then Yondu quietly went towards another M-ship, further away in the hangar. Since Peter didn't know what to do and his captain hadn't ordered him to go back to his dorms, he followed him. They stopped in front of another M-ship, a bit smaller than Taserface's but still pretty big. It looked really recent and the flashy orange and blue colors made Peter want to pilot it even more.  
"This one's available." Yondu casually said, handing the keys to Peter.  
Peter opened his eyes wide. He couldn't believe it ! Had this ship been bought only for him ? Or was it a ship used to learn how to pilot ? Well, he didn't care. He entered the M-ship.

There were two entrances : one on the top of the ship that directly led to the cockpit and another one on the side of the ship that led to the pilot's quarter. But Peter wasn't there to visit the quarters, he wanted to pilot so he decided to go to the cockpit. Yondu had followed him. He was surely gonna show him how it was done. That's why Peter sat on the co-pilot chair. Yondu nodded at the Terran when he saw him do so. It made Peter happy to do exactly what his captain wanted him to do, it seemed like he could please him that way.  
"Ready ?" Yondu asked.  
"Hell yes ! Oh ! And when we're done, could you teach me the Ravager code ?" Peter was too excited to simply enjoy that one moment, he wanted to be sure he had many awesome things yet to learn.  
"First you gotta concentrate on pilotin', then ya'll have other things to worry 'bout before learnin' the Ravager code !"  
Yondu's answer reminded Peter that he would probably be punished for having been so carefree. That wasn't what a true Ravager would have done ! He shook his head. Now wasn't the time to think about it : he had to enjoy what was happening, it was important !

Yondu flipped the one-pilot and the starter shifts. The ship began to leave the ground in a piercing engine sound. Then Yondu made it leave the hangar. Peter was so excited he didn't mind the pressure of the ship's speed that was sticking him to his chair. Each time he had gone on missions, he had waited inside the pilot's quarter : it was the first time he saw space throught the cockpit's canopy.  
Everything now appeared so vast, so big. Peter turned his head and could only see stars. Stars everywhere. It was a bit darker than in the pilot's quarter but everything felt more authentic, more immersive. For the first time in two years, Peter finally felt like he really was in space. 

Then he tried his hardest to figure out every buttons' purposes. He had to remind himself of how things were working in Star Trek. Let's see… That should be the climb and descent indicator, this was certainly the coordinate system, that one had to be the speed indicator and next to it the hyperdrive shift which should mean that this one was the fuel pressure gauge and this one the fuel temperature gauge !  
"Hey, Quill ! Will ya just look up for one bloody minute ? Ya're supposed to learn by watchin' me, not the shifts, not the buttons !" Yondu shouted, making Peter snap out of his thoughts and panic.  
The Terran looked up, Yondu had led them into a trail of stardust. The ship's canopy was glimmering with flashy purple and green gems. All around them were colors. All Peter could see was colors and he could feel a sort of appeasement. One that only those who had ever been to space could feel. 

This intense and beautiful moment was ruined when Yondu flipped the shift back to copilot-mode.  
"Now, let's see what ya can do, boy !"  
It was a nightmare. There were so many buttons, so much to do, so much to take care of ! Peter first tried to stabilize the ship's speed and spare as much fuel as possible so that the motor wouldn't overheat.  
"Hey, watch where ya're goin' !" Yondu shouted.  
The Centaurian used the piloting shifts to avoid the obstacles in front of them.  
Peter had been too focused on the fuel and the speed, he hadn't realized he had led them right into an asteroid belt ! Yondu was dodging the asteroids all alone, Peter felt bad about this. He had to figure something out but how could he ? There were too much informations to take at the same time ! He was gonna fail ! And if he failed he would be abandoned again ! He had to succeed but he didn't know how… he was gonna fail !  
He tried to breathe slowlier, took a deep breath. Then he decided he would only focus on the ship's speed and let Yondu handle the directions they would take. Each time he saw an asteroid gaining a lot of speed and coming towards them, he would go faster so that Yondu could better dodge it.  
That's how they ended up at the end of the asteroid belt, safe and sound.

"Okay, 't was pretty muddled. Try pilotin' alone on our way back." Yondu said flipping Peter's one-pilot shift.  
"What ?! But you've seen how desastrous it was ! We're gonna die if I pilot it, I can't go through that asteroid belt alone…" Peter protested, he was really scared now, scared to die and to fail again and started to regret having asked for such a lesson.  
"Well… if ya're so scared to die, it means ya'll be as attentive as hell. And that's how ya gonna end up learnin' and come back in one piece."

Peter wasn't convinced at all. He tried to focus as much as he could and flipped the horizontal direction shift onward. The M-ship went back through the asteroid belt.  
Peter was really careful not to make any silly move. He tried to aniticipate the asteroids' movements as much as he could, slowly making his way out of the belt. However he was so cautious, he could feel he was tensed. His arms were shaking, his head was aching and all of his limbs were stiff. It was so obvious he was stressed out that he was sure Yondu had noticed. Peter wasn't relaxed at all, he was afraid any of his decisions would kill the both of them and so much pressure was unbearable for him ! He wanted Yondu to take the controls back. He wanted help. He was scared. He felt dangerous, piloting such a ship he didn't fully control, and it scared him.  
"Just imagine ya're a ship, Quill !" Yondu suddenly told him.  
If Peter hadn't been so focused on the controls he would have looked at Yondu with a very surprised look. What did the Centaurian mean ? Yondu went on :  
"When ya're pilotin', the ship becomes part of ya. To control it, just imagine ya're fully a ship. It ain't 'bout the brain, boy, it never is. 'Tis 'bout your guts ! That's how it is for ev'ry Ravager ! 'Bout the guts, not the brain ! So feel the ship, be the ship and use your guts, boy !"  
Peter wasn't expecting such a piece of advice. That didn't matter. He imagined he was a ship, if he were a ship he would surely go faster, this speed was way too slow… No that wasn't right, he was thinking he was a ship. That wasn't what he was supposed to do. He had to be the ship, not even think he was the ship.  
So he went faster because he felt like going faster, stopped looking at the motor temperature gauge or the fuel gauge nor the speed gauge : he would choose his own speed. He grasped with both of his hands the vertical and the horizontal direction shifts and looked up at the asteroid belt through the canopy.  
He began dodging the asteroids with more assurance, Peter wanted to be confidant so the ship had to be confidant. With every asteroid he dodged, Peter felt something weird happening in his heart. He felt… free ! Completely free. Free of his movements, free to chart his own course, free to do whatever he wanted, he was in space ! He was a fast and agile ship in space ! He could go wherever he wanted ! The possibilities were endless. That felt so good !

Peter was surprised they had already arrived at the end of the asteroid belt, he wanted to keep piloting so he took a detour and went through the same stardust that Yondu before him. As the ship pierced through shimmering colors, Peter finally looked at Yondu. The Centaurian was smiling. His captain looked back at him and Peter felt the thing again. The « odd, soothing, comforting, warm thing ». Yondu was patting him again.  
"Good pilotin'." Yondu softly said. "Now, park the ship in the hangar, the Elector's right there."  
"I… uh… don't know how to do that…"  
"Ya're kiddin' me, boy ?! We're gonna crash ! Couldn't ya've told me sooner, idiot ?!"  
"You didn't tell me I would have to park it and you didn't show me how to either, doofus !"  
"Oh, so it's my fault now, isn't it, boy ?!"  
"Exactly ! It's your fault you're so bad at teaching how to pilot !"  
"I reckon my advice has helped ya a lot, hasn'it ?"  
"Not at all ! I did it by myself because I'm a born-pilot !" Peter snapped back as Yondu had succeeded parking the ship without killing them in the process.  
"Well that's good for ya ! 'Cause this ship is yours, now !"  
Peter was ready to retort something when he realized what Yondu had just said… That ship was his ? He had a ship ? What ? How was that even possible ? Since when ? Had Yondu really bought it for him ? So many questions… but that was so awesome ! He was getting closer to become a full Ravager, now ! 

"Thank you." he finally told Yondu.  
The Centaurian seemed glad and it made Peter even happier. Then, Yondu answered :  
"Now since ya're so awake you sneak up at night to try and pilot ships instead of sleepin'. Thought you might wanna mop the hangar's floor while I go back to sleep. Deal ?"  
And now Peter had it, his punition. He wanted to go to sleep but it wasn't possible right now. Yondu left him, heading to his quarter. Peter was now happy and angry at the same time. 'Dick !'  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'What's he doin' ?' Yondu often had nights when he couldn't sleep. It had started when he had learned the truth about Ego's scheming. He would often spend his nights tidying his quarter, doing some work out or just looking at the cameras of the Elector. It oddly appeased him to see the ship so empty, looking so vast. As he watched at the cameras, he noticed someone moving in the hangar. Could have some bounty hunters sneaked in, planning to steal their M-ships ? No, it was Quill.

Crossing corridors after corridors, Yondu hissed at Quill's behaviour. The boy had lately become so unruly, why couldn't he just give Yondu a break ? It was in these moments Yondu remembered kids could be such a pain in the ass. And now Quill had just forgotten everything about his Ravager training, and how discretion was important, to fool around in the hangar !  
Why the hangar anyway ? Did Quill actually want to pilot ? It was a Ravager captain's duty to buy an M- ship for each of his men and Yondu had already bought Quill's but he boy was surely not ready… Well come to think of it, Quill had always proved himsef quite talented. Maybe piloting would be a piece of Xandarian cake for the Terran boy. Yondu actually wanted to see that.  
Then the Centaurian remembered he had sworn to himself he won't treat Quill differently, won't spend much time with him, will go back to being a good and efficient captain.  
However, just like during the funeral, they would be alone… and the boy would be too proud to tell anyone Yondu had taught him how to pilot an M-ship.  
Realizing that, Yondu wanted to teach Quill… after all, the Centaurian enjoyed being with the boy. Having kept Quill had been such a difficult decision to make but, now, he was really glad he had done so. The kid made the clan rich, he had the makings of a great Ravager in him and the captain liked to see the lessons he would teach to Quill always turned out great… for the crew, for the boy and for himself too.  
Yondu still hadn't figured out why seeing the boy succeed would always create that kind of emotion inside him. Keeping the boy by his side had been because Yondu had felt like he needed to. Yes, he had understood that and come to term with it. But why had it evolved now into being happy whenever something good happened to the kid ? Was it because Yondu could see his lessons bear their fruits ? Or something else ? 

Now that he was completely disturbed by the kid, maybe it wasn't the right decision to, again, spend some time with him. But the Centaurain couldn't resist, he wanted to understand what was going on and take advantage of the fact they would be alone to do so… then he would get the chance of punishing him for having been so dumb, letting himself get so easily caught. And that would feel right, that would feel like what any Ravager captain would have done.  
(...)

When Yondu got into the ship, Quill had sat on the co-pilot chair. Yondu thought it was good the kid wasn't getting too ahead of himself. He still had much to learn and he knew it.  
"Ready ?"  
"Hell yes ! Oh ! And when we're done, could you teach me the Ravager code ?" Quill asked, excited.  
Yondu should have seen it coming, the kid was way too impatient and that wasn't okay. Furthermore, Yondu didn't exclusively have to be Quill's teacher. The boy was starting to get used to being with the Centaurian and Yondu had to make everything crystal clear :  
"First you gotta concentrate on pilotin', then ya'll have other things to worry 'bout before learnin' the Ravager code !"  
The kid lowered his head. Yondu was relieved Quill had understood he just did something unworthy of Ravagers.  
Now that his authority had been re-established, Yondu decided to finally make the M-ship leave the hangar. If Quill respected him, things would turn out pretty good, the boy just had to know his place. That way Yondu was sure there would be no favouritism.  
As he was piloting the ship towards a trail of stardust, Yondu glanced at Quill and saw him look down upon the many buttons and shifts on the cockpit. That wasn't how the kid was gonna learn so Yondu shouted at him so he would wake up :  
"Hey, Quill ! Will ya just look up for one bloody minute ? Ya're supposed to learn by watchin' me, not the shifts and buttons !"  
The kid rose his head and seemed blown away by how beautiful the colors were. Yondu chuckled. He knew the boy had just started to fall in love with space. Every Ravagers loved space. That's why their ashes would fade away in the ether, so they could forever travel around space. Yondu had fallen in love with space the day he had been freed. The day he had left the fighting pit of Hala, aboard a ship, and had seen what space truly was for the first time.  
To be honest, Yondu was kinda happy to show off in front of the kid like that. It reminded him he was superior and in control of everything at a point in his life when he had never been so hesitant. 

"Now, let's see what ya can do, boy !"  
Yondu thought it was time for Quill to learn how to co-pilot… and it was difficult for the kid. Well, he had some pretty good intuitions, keeping the motor steady and all, but it clearly wasn't enough ! It felt like the boy wanted to do everyhting perfectly when piloting wasn't really about that. Yondu freaked out when he realized the kid, too concentrated on the controls, wasn't looking where he was going at all !  
"Hey, watch where ya're goin' !" Yondu took it upon himself and used the direction shifts to dodge the asteroids coming their way.  
Quill was totally panicked. The Centaurian could see that but before he had the chance to say anything, the boy took a deep breath and started to concentrate on everything other than the direction which was Yondu's job for now. He was co-piloting pretty well actually. He was just a bit scared to look at the canopy and kept his gaze down on the buttons. 

Now that they had made their way out of the asteroid belt, Yondu knew what the problem was. Quill seemed to have a pretty good talent piloting ships, however that talent was completely blocked by the kid's fear of failure. He didn't want to mess everything up in front of the captain. He didn't want the Centaurian to see him fail and think he would make a bad Ravager. Maybe Quill was actually worried he would be abandoned if he ended up failing. So he was extremely cautious. But by being too cautious he ended up not paying attention to the most important details.  
Yondu knew what he had to do to make the kid truly learn something : showing him there was much worse than failure. That way he would surely be able to better concentrate.  
So he flipped Peter's one-pilot shift and said :  
"Okay, 't was pretty muddled. Try pilotin' alone on our way back."  
"What ?! But you've seen how desastrous it was ! We're gonna die if I pilot it, I can't go through that asteroid belt alone…"  
"Well… if ya're so scared to die, it means ya'll be as attentive as hell. And that's how ya gonna end up learnin' and come back in one piece."  
Of course, Yondu didn't tell him he would take care of dodging the asteroids in case Quill made a mistake. Quill needed to have some pressure on his shoulder so he could stop thinking about failing and more about surviving. 

Quill seemed to be as tensed as when co-piloting. Yondu had to give him a piece of advice. Something any Ravager would do, it would motivate the kid who really wanted to become a Ravager. Then he thought about how he made his arrow fly. It was kinda the same thing with a ship…  
"Just imagine ya're a ship, Quill ! When ya're pilotin', the ship becomes part of ya. To even better control it, just imagine ya're fully a ship. It ain't 'bout the brain, boy, it never is. 'Tis 'bout your guts ! That's how it is for ev'ry Ravager ! 'Bout the guts, not the brain ! So feel the ship, be the ship and use your guts, boy !"

It seemed to work as Quill dared to go faster, forget about the motor, the pressure or his speed, and focused entirely on where he was going, looking right through the canopy !  
And they arrived at the end of the asteroid belt, both of them in one piece.  
Once again, Yondu could feel how good seeing Quill succeed was. That really must have been why Yondu had decided to keep him in the first place. It hadn't been about making the crew richer or about the « 1 % thing ». Yondu guessed he had ended up wanting to teach things to someone, to see a boy learning from him and using his teachings to grow up. That's why each time Quill would achieve something new, Yondu would be happy.  
And now Yondu couldn't resist and patted the boy. Just like the last time he had done so, the boy felt tensed and rose his shoulders as if he was expecting Yondu to beat him. That was understandable, Yondu had pretty often kicked the shit out of Quill. But now he was kinda hoping someday Quill wouldn't be so tensed about Yondu touching him.  
(…)

"Now since ya're so awake you sneak up at night to try and pilot ships instead of sleepin'. Thought you might wanna mop the hangar's floor while I go back to sleep. Deal ?"  
Yondu was pretty happy about the night they had just spent piloting together, now that they had arrived back on the Elector, the Centaurian had to be careful.  
It was time to go back to how things were supposed to be in a normal Ravager clan… until the next lesson.


	12. Put your Ray Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are : my take on the 2 seconds scene in GOTG vol.2 that inspired this whole story ! It was incredibly fun to write and I sincerely hope you'll appreciate how I tried to depict the moment Yondu taught Quill how to shoot with a gun.
> 
> I also thought I had to pay more attention to side characters. In my opinion, some Ravagers were quite nice to Quill all along. So I gave small, but important, roles to Kraglin and Tulk, the two Best Boys (Tulk deserved better !). This chapter is their time to shine a bit !

Since things had become quite messy around the Kree empire's borders, the Ravagers had decided to hide on a deserted planet : Ruu. It was a large planet with a rich vegetation, pine forests spreading miles and miles away in all directions, rare fauna species and the wrapping comforting scent of ferns mixed with fresh air.  
They had arrived very close to the orbit of the Kree empire's border… only to realize there were more patrols, more military spaceships than ever and that Nova Corps was here. So they had stopped on planet Ruu to wait and hide for a bit.  
Peter always liked it each time they would stop for a few days on a different planet. It made him discover breathtaking landscapes and cultures that all looked so cool and that he could never have imagined, even that Star Trek had never thought about ! But being on Ruu right now felt ten times better. They would stay there longer. The crew, who hadn't much to do during these weeks, had decided to teach many awesome things to Peter. It now looked like a training camp and Peter loved it !

However, one thing bugged Peter : the day he had to be taught how to shoot with a Quadblaster, he hadn't been able to do it.

And there he was, trying his best to hit the target with the salvo coming from the upper barrel, and failing. Why was it so difficult ? He had succeeded in everything until now : using the holographic projector or force-field grapples, fighting and counterattacking, even piloting an M-ship ! So why couldn't he just hit one freaking target with the Quadblaster ?  
That wasn't right… Peter had the chance to become the « Star-Lord » Mom called him. To become a cool space pirate using his cool gadgets, living awesome adventure, whose life would be celebrated by fireworks at his funeral. Peter had to become a Ravager ! But how could he if he wasn't able to correctly use a Quadblaster ?

It had now been more than half a day since Peter had tried to hit his target, again and again. Tulk, Vorker and Heinet had encouraged him to stop and try again tomorrow. But Peter wanted to succeed today. It was now or never, he wouldn't run away from this challenge !  
"Come on, Quill ! You won't have nothin' to eat tonight if ya don't come with us." Tulk had tried to reason him.  
"No, I'm fine. Just let me alone guys, okay ?"   
"Like ya wish…" Tulk had sighed.

Concentrating. Closing his eyes. Holding it firmly. Aiming. Pulling the trigger. Missing. Peter had kept on doing that, over and over. It was so frustrating to see nothing would change and he would always miss his target, no matter how hard he tried ! Why couldn't Peter shoot with this stupid Quadblaster thing ? He was twelve now ! It was about time he used more grown-ups stuff. He wasn't a kid anymore. A kid might have difficulties using a gun correctly, but not Peter ! Not anymore !  
So he concentrated. Closed his eyes. Held it firmly. Aimed. Pulled the trigger. Missed. And started again. Again and again and again… 

Peter hadn't slept at all, exercising all night long. Dawn was breaking on the infinite pine forests of Ruu and Peter hadn't hit his target even once. He didn't feel tired at all, only frustrated, angry and disappointed in himself.  
He heard footsteps. Someone was coming ! They would make fun of him for not having hit a single target but Peter didn't care. He would let them try teasing him, before kicking them in the guts ! Peter was surprised to see Kraglin and Yondu. Who had told them he was training here ?… Surely Tulk. That guy had seemed worried about Peter. Well, Peter didn't need his help, nor Kraglin's, nor Yondu's !  
"So… been trainin', boy ?" Yondu asked him, almost mocking. "Show me !"

Peter tried his best but failed once again, in front of Yondu. Deep inside, he was hoping Yondu wouldn't tell him there was no point in being a Ravager if he couldn't shoot.  
The Centaurian walked towards him, he looked calm, relaxed, focused. He was now standing just beside Peter's right shoulder and told him to try again.  
Peter missed again. He looked at Kraglin. The first mate was a few meters away, watching them, he looked relaxed too. It reassured Peter. It may mean nothing too bad would happen to him. Then Yondu teased him :  
"Why the hell would'ya close one eye, Quill ? To get more easily killed ? To look cooler ?"  
"I just thought I had to… In the movies, they would…"  
"We ain't in a damn Terra movie ! You got a Quadblaster in your hands ! It doesn't work like in your Terra movies." Yondu took a deep breath to calm down and went on. "Firstly, Quadblasters are light, boy, that's 'cause ya can hold them with one hand. Secondly, ya gotta aim with yer two eyes open, ya gotta find exactly where the balance in your eyesight lies."  
"Yeah, but how do I do that ?"  
"Put that damn Quadblaster down for a sec', keep your head straight, look as far away as ya can, and tell me what ya see !"  
Peter wasn't sure that would be efficient. Still, he did so and answered :  
"Trees."  
Yondu replied by closing his fist and, quietly and firmly, hitting him on the top of his head.  
"Ouch !! Hey, it's not my fault we're in a freaking forest ! What did you expect ?" Peter protested, rubbing the top of his head.  
Yondu sighed. Then he called Kraglin and asked the first mate to move around in front of Peter until he was at the center of the Terran's eyesight. Peter just had to shout « stop » when Kraglin would stand at the exact center.

That was a weird way to do. What was even weirder was to see Kraglin wander around like that with no real purpose, and totally aware he was being quite ridiculous. Peter really wanted to laugh but he had to control himself otherwise that would piss Yondu o…  
A chuckle ?  
Peter turned his head on his right side and saw Yondu trying his best not to burst into laughter. That was it. Peter couldn't resist anymore. He started to laugh. And so did his captain. He and Yondu were now both laughing. That felt so good. For once, he could laugh with the Centaurian without being scolded.  
"Cap', Pete, that ain't funny !" Kraglin tried to defend himself.  
Yondu quickly calmed down, Peter imitated him and focused.

"Stoop !" Peter finally shouted, he felt Yondu analyzing where his eyesight center exactly was and told Kraglin to leave.  
"'Kay, so your eyesight tilts a lil' bit on the left… Now, Quill, try again !"  
Peter took what he had just learned in consideration : he opened both of his eyes, held the Quadblaster with only his right hand and aimed a little bit more on the right to balance his eyesight center with how things really were. He could see Yondu observing him. The Centaurian was really close to him… why ? He was quite the solitary and wasn't often with Peter. Well, each time he would, they had a good time, sure. But he had rarely been this close… and Peter liked this proximity. He liked being with his captain, he liked feeling they had this sort of chemistry. It was like Yondu was a point of reference to Peter.  
"No wait, you gotta hold it higher ! Right now, it's like ya're aimin' with the lower barrel. Hold it higher…" Yondu surprised Peter by giving him another advice. "Like this."  
As he said these words, Yondu put his hand on Peter's right arm, helping him to raise it. Peter oddly felt comfortable and reassured. He couldn't control it and smiled.  
He pulled the trigger. It didn't hit the bull's eye… but it did hit the target !  
Peter was so exited he had succeeded, he turned towards Yondu and cheerfully said :  
"Next time, can I learn the Ravager code ?"

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Hey Cap' !"  
Yondu turned around. He was trying to figure out when the right time to leave Ruu would be and which direction they should take when Kraglin approached him. He stood, quiet, knowing that Kraglin would quickly start the conversation.  
"Ya alright, Cap' ? I've been watching ya lately : you seem kinda thinkin'…"  
Yondu side glanced at Kraglin. How obvious had he been ? Since when had Kraglin figured out something was disturbing Yondu ? Had the rest of the crew figured out too ?  
"I mean… not in a creepy way." Kraglin went on, apparently having misunderstood the meaning of Yondu's side glance. "It's about Quill, ain't it ?"  
Yondu froze. He started to freak out. Was he really so easy to read ? Or was just Kraglin very talented ? He regretted he had told Kraglin the truth about Ego a couple of months ago. It had only implied why he had truly kept Quill. That, he couldn't tell anyone ! He couldn't risk his crew finding out about it. But now Kraglin seemed to have figure it out.  
"Yeah… It's 'bout Quill." Kraglin went on, shaking now that he was seeing he had made his captain quite angry. "Uh… I just saw Tulk out there. And uh… he told me he worries 'bout Quill. He's been trainin' to shoot all night long… so I thought ya might wanna see'm. How he's doin' and all, ya know, that kinda stuff…"  
"Ya really think I'm interested in what the boy does ?" Yondu said, trying to keep his cool.  
"Yes, Cap'. I'm sure 'bout that !" Kraglin affirmed so strongly that Yondu realized there was no point trying to hide it from his first mate.  
"Yeah, but what is it that's sayin' I have to be the one checkin' on him ?" Yondu went on, stressed out Kraglin would unravel his secret and tell the whole crew.  
"Well, ya see… I knew the hardest'd be to come up with a pretty decent excuse to the crew. So I talked to them, told them ya were gonna assess'm. Quill's too young for us to be sure he can hold a Quadblaster so, as the Cap', ya'll have to observ'm and see for yerself…"  
Yondu couldn't believe it. Not only had Kraglin figured out what was going on in Yondu's mind and had assured him he would keep the secret but he had also arranged a meeting between Yondu and Quill.  
Yondu smiled. Kraglin Obfonteri truly was a good guy.  
(...)

Yondu was really glad he had asked Kraglin to come with him to « assess » Quill. The first mate was quite hilarious wandering around like that, completely aware he looked like a total moron. The Centaurian tried his best to keep his cool in front of the boy but he was having a hard time doing so. It was just so sidesplitting seeing Kraglin like that, clearly regretting he had come. Yondu chuckled. He saw Quill turning his head towards him, a large smile all over his face. Seeing both of them trying to deaden their laughs made them simultaneously burst into laughter !

It felt really good to Yondu to be able to laugh like that with Quill. He was happy. He really was, there was nothing else to say.  
During the couple of years that had passed, he had successfully put a small rift between him and Quill so as to diminish the rumors of favouritism in the crew. Right now, it just felt so good to spend some time with the kid, having a perfect excuse to do so. The Centaurian was really enjoying this moment, there was no point trying to understand what was going on in his mind, he was sure he was enjoying this moment. And he was hoping Quill was enjoying it too.

"Stoop !" the boy finally shouted.  
Yondu leaned closer to the Terran's head to analyze where his eyesight center exactly lay. It stood a little bit more to the left than the average but it would never prevent the boy from correctly shooting.  
"Move over, Kraglin !" Yondu shouted at his first mate before quietly telling the boy what to do. "'Kay, so your eyesight tilts a lil' bit on the left… Now, Quill, try again !"  
The captain was glad to see Quill paying attention to everything he had told him to do. He had opened both of his eyes, was holding the Quadblaster with his right hand. He was also balancing his eyesight center with where he had to hit by aiming a little bit more to the right. The only problem being that he was aiming too low. That was a common mistake for beginners : aiming for a target too high or too low since Quadblasters had two barrels. Quill was clearly confused and was gonna miss his target again.  
"No wait, you gotta hold it higher ! Right now, it's like ya're aimin' with the lower barrel. Hold it higher…" Yondu advised the boy.  
The Centaurian wanted to help him. He wanted to better show him where and how he had to aim. He wanted Quill to succeed. But to do that he had to touch him.  
He had to touch him to show him a better way to hold his Quadblaster. But Yondu wondered if the boy would tense up. He always did each time the captain had touched him. It seemed logical to Yondu who had hit him so many times. Of course Quill would naturely always be afraid of him, scarred by all the times Yondu had beaten him up. Still, he wanted to help Quill. He hoped Quill would trust him. The boy would likely shrug and tell him to back off, Yondu wanted to try. He wanted to make things better. He really wanted to earn Quill's full confidence and affection.  
So he put his right hand on Quill's right arm and softly told him :  
"Like this."  
And Quill did nothing. He didn't shrug nor tense up nor seemed uncomfortable. He just accepted Yondu touching him like he was fully trusting him.  
That made Yondu smile.

Quill didn't manage to hit the bull's eye but he hit his target anyway. The Terran bounced up and down out of excitement and pure joy. Then he looked expectantly at Yondu :  
"Next time, can I learn the Ravager code ?"


	13. You let Me Know Everything is Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to tell you : Garax is a Ravager OC of mine, he's a nice guy who actually likes hard-rock.

Peter was sitting down, his legs crossed, standing in cercle with a few Ravagers. They were in the corridor that led to the canteen, fooling around before it was time to eat. They were passing on Peter's walkman to each other, listening to different songs.  
"Hey, Quill ! What's this one ?" Oblo asked handing the walkman to Peter so he could answer him.  
"I Want You Back by The Jackson 5, 1969."  
"Oh ! Hand it over, I want you to tell me what mine's called." Garax said excitedly before playing his favourite song and giving the walkman back to Peter.  
"This one is Cherry Bomb by The Runaways, 1976."  
"Could ya do mine too, Quill ?" Tulk asked more nicely than the other two.  
"Sure… Let me see… It's Fooled Around and Fell in Love by Elvin Bishop, 1975 !"  
Peter was really enjoying this moment of genuine camraderie with other Ravagers. Now that he had finally been taught the Ravager code and had begun to befriend more crewmembers, he felt more and more like a true Ravager. The thirteen year old felt at ease with the adults on the ship thanks to his music.  
Kraglin had stood silently, laughing with them but not saying anything. So Peter asked him, handing the walkman over him :  
"What about you, Kraglin ? Which one is your favourite ?"  
"Uh… don't know… this one, I guess…" Kraglin bashfully replied, Earth things would always baffle him a bit but still interest him.  
"Wham Bam Shang-A-Lang by Silver, 1976. That's a good choice. I think it suits you to like this one." Peter cheerfully told the first mate.  
"I win ! Mine is the youngest song ! I'm the youngest one of you !" Garax victoriously cried out.  
"Since when was it a competition ? Besides, Kraglin's one came out the same year !" Peter poke fun at him.  
"Hey Cap', wanna join us ?" Tulk carefreely invited Yondu to come and sit down with them.  
'Moron.' Peter thought. That was the shittiest idea ever. As the Centaurian walked towards them, Oblo and Garax had already left, knowing it would be awkward to fool around with the captain. Tulk had ruined it all.  
"I thought we could copy Quill's music. Ev'ryone on the ship'd listen to it that way. Whatcha think 'bout it ?" Tulk went on.  
"Why not ? But has Quill been learnin' the Ravager code or spend his bloody time listenin' to damn music ?" Yondu menacingly asked Peter.  
And now Peter was alone. Tulk and Kraglin had left, feeling the mood had definitely degraded.  
"Listenin' to ya, boy." Yondu coldly said, looking straight at Peter with his red gaze.  
Peter took a deep breath and reluctantly started :  
"Steal from everybody. Once a Ravager, always a Ravager. Steal to live, don't live to steal. You can steal for yourself but always be loyal to your clan. Waste nothing that has been stolen. Steal what's optional to other and not what they need. Don't deal in kids. The captain of the mothership is the captain of the clan. Follow your captain's orders as long as they follow the code. Live as an outlaw without a job, a citizenship nor a family. Consider the members of your clan as your one true family. Uh… Oh yeah ! Respect the other clans' members, for they're like you. Follow this code and die as a Ravager, honor the fallen and your life will be celebrated too. Happy, now ?"

Peter was really hoping he had impressed his captain. The Centaurian shouldn't underestimate him, he was gonna be a great Ravager and Yondu had to know that. But his captain's expression was as impossible to read as ever and Peter had any idea of what he was about to say when Yondu finally inhaled :  
"Ya understand a word ya just said ?"  
"What ? Yes, I learned the Ravager code…"  
"Yeah I saw that. But have ya understood it, boy ?"  
Now Peter was completely blown away. What did Yondu mean ? 

The Centaurian took his walkman, played a song and put the headphones on Peter.  
"Now, ya understand your music ? What's this 'bout ?"  
As O-o-h Child by Five Stairsteps, 1970 played on, Peter had no idea what to answer, still he had to try something :  
"Uh… Children ?"  
"Lemme hear it." Yondu replied, sounding unconvinced.  
Peter handed the headphones over his captain, unsure of what it would sound like if Yondu wanted to pay attention to the lyrics. His translator implant would surely do weird things like literally translating each word or not respecting the rythm of the melody while translating.  
"Sounds pretty weird." Yondu confessed, not to Peter's surprise. "But you've never understood what the music was 'bout, did ya ?"  
It was true Peter had never really paid attention to the lyrics, but he hadn't really grasped why Yondu thought these details were important. He just shook his head and the Centaurian went on :  
"Too bad. Well, that music, boy, means ya must never give up when things get real hard. Even if life takes more than it gives ya, somethin' better'll always come to ya eventually… So ya gotta face difficulties with all ya got 'cause things'll turn out okay in the end. Got it ?"  
Peter nodded, still not seeing what the point was.  
"It's the same with the Ravager code. Learnin' it is good but ya gotta understand what it truly means if ya wanna become a true Ravager." Yondu kept on explaining.  
"Okay, I see. I'll work on it. Are you sure it's what the song means ?"  
"Yeah, pretty sure…"  
"Then, do you believe me becoming a Ravager is my bright future ?"

It had always struck Peter. No matter how close he would be with any Ravager, nothing would ever compare the kind of relationship he had with Yondu. Even if they could spend weeks without talking to each other, even if Yondu would stay pretty distant : once they had a moment of intimacy, things would be totally different. So different that Peter would even share his deepest doubts and the things that were bothering him with Yondu, looking for reassurance and comfort.  
And that was something no other Ravager than Yondu could bring him. 

"I'm pretty sure 'bout it, Quill." Yondu answered patting Peter on the top of his head.  
Odd. Soothing. Comforting. Warm. Again… the same pattern. Peter really wondered why this pattern would always repeat so, as he felt better, he dared to ask Yondu :  
"You know you did the « 4 pattern » again, don't you ? It's weird but everytime you pat me you do it 4 times. Why ?"  
"I didn't notice, that's all." Yondu muttered.  
"You're sure about that ?" Peter teased his captain.

Peter may have gone too far. Yondu was obviously pissed. He ordered Peter to go eat at the canteen.  
As Peter took his time to go there, wanting to piss Yondu even more just so it could seem like genuine camaraderie too, he heard a whistle. A whistle that sounded extremely familiar. Yondu was whistling the melody of O-o-h Child.  
Peter turned around and saw the Yaka arrow coming his way so he rushed towards the canteen. He could hear Yondu laugh. This time it was Yondu's turn to tease.  
'Genuine camaraderie.'

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Hey Cap', wanna join us ?" Tulk called out to Yondu.  
The Centaurian was quite taken aback by this sudden invitation. He saw Oblo and Garax quietly leaving, probably scared of him, as he got closer to Tulk, Kraglin and Quill. To be honest, he had joined them because he wanted to know how Quill was doing lately and, being surrounded by two of his men as he did so, would make it less suspicious.  
"I thought we could copy Quill's music. Ev'ryone on the ship'd listen to it that way. Whatcha think 'bout it ?" Tulk asked him.  
And now Yondu had his opening.  
"Why not ? But has Quill been learnin' the Ravager code or spend his bloody time listenin' to damn music ?" he said.  
Now it would look like a captain scloding was about to start, Tulk would leave and explain why Yondu and Quill had ended up alone, it would make a perfect excuse. And Kraglin would just leave because he knew Yondu wanted to be with Quill right now.  
Just like Yondu had planned, the two other Ravagers left. He was alone with Quill. He wanted to make sure the boy had learned the Ravager code and understood it.

But as Quill recited it, Yondu instantly noticed the boy had just learned it by heart without thinking about what it meant.  
That was just too foolish. Yondu had made this mistake when he was younger and doing so would quickly lead to break the code… just like Yondu had done. Now he had to put it right so that Quill would never do the same mistakes he did.  
The Ravager code was something deeper than just some lines to remember. Each Ravager had to develop his own interpretation of it. To Yondu, the code was about implying being a Ravager didn't mean you had to serve some kinda cause, that you just have to always live by the code because that was what would differentiate a Ravager from a thief. The Ravager code was about a sense of community, balance, honor, purity. There was a symbolical hierarchy that would only work if each Ravager's greatest form of loyalty lied in the code itself. The code was about dedicating your whole life, taking care of each other. The code was about a new form of justice in the afterlife and even celebrating death. 

But that, Quill had to discover it for himself. The best Yondu could do was guiding him. And he knew how to do so.  
"Ya understand a word ya just said ?"  
"What ? Yes, I learned the Ravager code…"  
"Yeah I saw that. But have ya understood it, boy ?" he took the walkman and put the headphones on Quill's head before going on. "Now, ya understand your music ? What's this 'bout ?"  
"Uh… Children ?"  
What kind of an answer was that ?  
"Lemme hear it."  
Yondu wasn't expecting such a fiasco, foreign music wasn't a pleasent experience with a translator implant working. If he wanted to enjoy the sound in its original langage, Yondu just had to stop wanting it to be translated since the implant was connected to its owner's nervous system. But that wasn't what Yondu wanted. So he bore with it.  
"Sounds pretty weird." he finally said. "But you've never understood what the music was 'bout, did ya ?"  
The boy shook his head, Yondu explained :  
"Too bad. Well, that music, boy, means ya must never give up when things get real hard. Even if life takes more than it gives ya, somethin' better'll always come to ya eventually… So ya gotta face difficulties with all ya got 'cause things'll turn out okay in the end. Got it ?"  
Quill nodded but Yondu could clearly see he didn't know what the captain wanted to prove.  
"It's the same with the Ravager code. Learnin' it is good but ya gotta understand what it truly means if ya wanna become a true Ravager."  
"Okay, I see. I'll work on it. Are you sure it's what the song means ?"  
It intrigued Yondu to see that the song was actually the boy's biggest concern right now.  
"Yeah, pretty sure… he honestly answered."  
"Then, do you believe me becoming a Ravager is my bright future ?"  
It baffled Yondu even more to understand he was the one Quill would tell about his anxieties and worries. It baffled him… but in a good way. He genuinely liked that kind of relationship they had. A relationship he didn't have with any of his men except the Terran boy.  
"I'm pretty sure 'bout it, Quill." he tried to make it sound as warm as possible, patting the boy on the head.  
"You know you did the « 4 pattern » again, don't you ? It's weird but everytime you pat me you do it 4 times. Why ?" Quill asked him again.  
"I didn't notice, that's all." he replied, trying to keep his cool.  
"You're sure about that ?"  
"Hell yes I'm sure 'bout that ! Now go get your food, boy !"  
(…)

It had been pleasant. Being teased by Quill and teasing him back. It had been pleasant. But Yondu wondered to what lengths was he so obvious. The « 4 pattern », like Quill called it, why had the boy discovered it so fast ?  
Yondu didn't even know why he had to pat Quill four times. He just couldn't resist and would do it everytime. He just liked it when things went by four. It was a number that reassured him, that made him happy.  
Why ? Yondu had no clue. Just a theory. A pretty messy one. Maybe it was because it represented the four steps of his life. The first being when he was a battle-slave, the second when he was freed and joined the Ravagers, the third when he became captain of the Elector and leader of his own Ravager clan… Now the fourth… that's where the theory became kinda messy… He felt like the fourth was Quill's arrival. The fourth represented Quill.  
It was a pretty messy theory.


	14. Thirsty for Another Cup of Wine

It was at fourteen years old that Peter had finally been able to go to Contraxia. The Ravagers would often spend a few nights there whenever they could. The planet's location was perfect : right in the middle of one of the most commercially developped galaxy. As a result, everything was cheaper on Contraxia : the drinks, the food, the more illicit products and the prostitutes, for instance.  
Peter had always been considered too young to ever set foot on this planet. But it was in the past now. And it had actually only been when it had involved Contraxia that the Ravager clan had really paid attention to Peter's age. Apart from him coming to this planet for the first time when he had turned fourteeen, Peter had prematurely learned many things such as piloting, fighting or shooting with a Quadblaster.  
So, of course, Peter was really excited about finally going to Contraxia.

The city was crowded, noisy and there was a weird atmosphere. Something that felt oddly oppressive. The suffocating smells of alcohol, sweat, fuel and blood all mixed together would give a heartache to any newcomer… and Peter wasn't an exception.  
He had decided to enter a pub, hoping the smells wouldn't be as strong as outside. Well, in this pub, smells weren't as reeking as outside, but the atmosphere was still so uneasy… Peter sat at the bar and ordered an A'askavariian cocktail.  
As he was quietly drinking, putting on a serious face so that no one would disturb him, he heard laughs mixed with screams upstairs. He didn't have time to think about what was going on, a quick scan of the pub made it obvious it also was a brothel. There were a lot of objectively good-looking males and females sitting and waiting for someone to pick them up. Peter didn't feel comfortable at all. He decided to finish his drink as fast as he could, and get out of this place.

"Hey, boy ! Havin' fun ?"  
Yondu had sat next to him. He smell of alcohol but was still sober. He ordered two mugs of Contraxian ale. He gave one to Peter. Peter wasn't really sure he wanted to keep on drinking but since his captain was treating him, he would. Moreover, Contraxian ales were considered to be the best. Then, Yondu went on with the conversation, shouting because the music was too loud :  
"I heard ya named your M-ship « The Milano », what's that ?"  
"It's just a little homage to my childhood crush Alyssa Milano. Never got the chance to tell her how I felt !" Peter replied, shouting too.  
Yondu smirked. He finished drinking his mug of ale and then ordered two more. Peter ended up with a second mug, waiting to be drunk, even though he hadn't finished the first one yet. Yondu looked at him and seriously told him :  
"Ya know, Quill. Love's like a fight. You gotta analyze the other's weaknesses and ev'ry signs to make the best move and win, son ! But ya also gotta be careful ! Ya can't trust some lovers 'cause they can have a strategy behind and use ya !"  
Yondu had delivered his speech while a ravashing Krylorian woman had started kissing his cheeks. The Centaurian kept on drinking and stroking the Krylorian's hip and thigh.  
Peter had never suspected Yondu to be such a womanizer. He had never paid attention to what might be seducing about his captain since he wasn't really paying attention to men that way in general… but it mostly was because he was still pretty young to think about that ! And also because it never really occured to Peter that Yondu was more than just a Ravager captain, the boy never thought much about the Centaurian's private life.

Still, giving such speeches about love while hanging out with a Krylorian was pretty awesome. It served Yondu's presence as a captain. That and the fact that no one had ever seen him drunk. His captain ordered another mug, he was still treating Peter. The Terran had already lost the count, maybe was it his fourth ? He usually never went further than two mugs of ale a day. But it was a special day ! He wanted to keep drinking with Yondu. To maintain that genuine camaraderie by sharing a few drinks.

Genuine camaraderie… it wasn't that ! Peter really admired how mysterious, confidant, smart and cool Yondu looked. To be honest, he had never felt such admiration for someone else, except Mom. Peter was always comfortable when he was with Yondu.  
He had another drink.  
He looked up to him. The Centaurian alone had taught him way more things than all the other Ravagers put together had. Peter wanted to make him proud. He thought that if Yondu was proud of him, it woud mean he loved him and would never abandon him. And that was all Peter was asking for.  
Deep inside, Peter really hoped Yondu loved him. He was hoping it so much that his greatest fear was to learn Yondu had been using him as a tool all this time !… or worse : that he had never loved him.  
Since you can love a useful tool because it often helps you out, the « tool thing » actually didn't matter that much to Peter. No : what Peter feared the most was that Yondu wasn't loving him back, that he was waiting for an opportunity to abandon him and leave. And never return for him. Leaving and letting Mom cry all alone, waiting for him. Leaving and letting Peter wait for him.  
He had another drink.  
Yondu was Peter's role model, the Terran knew it. He needed his approval. He had concentrated all of his hopes and dreams on Yondu's figure. That's why, should the Centaurian reveal he didn't love him and wanted to abandon him, Peter's entire world would collapse.  
Peter needed Yondu. He would never stand for Yondu letting him down. He would never be able to bear such a pain… Again. Or for the first time ? That was confusing… Peter really had to sit down and think…  
He fainted.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Leaving the obsevation post to go downstairs and get ready for setting foot on Contraxia, Yondu could feel that the atmosphere on the Elector was as oppressive as the one on Contraxia. He saw some of his men angrily side glancing at him.  
It had started a couple of months ago. The crewmembers were beginning to question Yondu's leadership. And the Centaurian knew it was about Quill. Even though he had tried to be as low-profile as possible, rumors were spreading fast and he had underestimated his boys. They weren't that dumb. They knew something was off. So they had started to make their own theories, and their captain's attitude had just confirmed some of them. 

Even if Yondu had already guessed that the tension had been rising for a couple of months, that night, he realized how close to mutiny he was.  
That won't do.  
Yondu was a Ravager captain ! He intended to stay a Ravager captain, he couldn't just lose his position like that ! Not after everything he had gone through to get it…  
Yondu knew he couldn't run away from his responsibilities anymore. He had been trying to live two different lives at the same time for too long (six Terra years according to Gef). The Centaurian had to stop doing so, he had to face the consequences of having kept Quill while having been the captain.  
It was time to make a choice. Yondu knew what his choice would be. He had never doubted it. He just hoped it wouldn't be too painful for the Terran boy. There was no other way…  
Then Yondu wondered if he wasn't getting to ahead of himself thinking the boy surely liked him like that. It had just been how Yondu had desperately wanted things to be. He hoped the teen liked him, and had also liked him as a kid.  
After everything he had done for him, he really wished that, at least, Peter Quill liked him a little.  
(…)

He went out of the Love Bots brothel, his favourite on Contraxia. The girls were quiet and easy to deal with there. Well, they were damn robots, after all. But Yondu liked the fact that they weren't alive : they couldn't protest and that way he had full control on everything (and no sense of guilt over sometimes abusing them, he could let the steam off). And feeling like he could decide whatever would happen reassured him, allowed him to spend some quality time. He could even talk about his doubts and worries to the Love Bots, it would relieve him for a bit and they would never tell anyone.  
Then, the captain's thoughts quickly led him to Quill. To tell the truth, he was quite sure he needed to teach him one last thing before making that rift between the two of them larger. He knew Quill had some kind of « mommy issues » and, since they were now on Contraxia, he feared it could be used against him. Observing the boy, Yondu had guessed he was mostly into women, which made things even more dangerous. The Centaurian knew some female assassins would manipulate strong men just by giving some sort of maternal affection. Quill could easily fall into that trap one day !  
He headed towards the Terran boy, he had seen in which pub he had entered and followed him.  
(…)

The captain could have sworn the teen was drinking his seventh mug of ale. That was quite the dose ! Yondu wouldn't be surprised to see Quill drunk by the end of the night.  
Well, the boy already had glassy eyes, red cheeks, seemed sleepy and even started to doze off.  
"Hey Quill ! Pull yerself together, boy !" Yondu shouted at him, firmly holding his arm to keep the boy awake.  
Quill looked at him, smirked and then gave him a large smile, saying :  
"You know it occured to me lately that it's great Gef can only approximately calculate my age ! It means he has no idea what day it is on Earth ! And you know what the best is… I have no idea when my birthday is anymore ! It was such a shitty day, everytime Mom would cry, wishing my Dad would be here… and I would hear her crying, hidden in the staircase… I hate my birthday… and father's day, too. But now that I'm in space, I don't know when they are anymore ! It's so cool to be in space !"   
"'Kay, boy, ya're totally drunk. You gotta go back on the ship. Come on !" Yondu observed trying to seize the boy, but Quill was fighting back like he wasn't done talking and that Yondu had to wait.  
"Did I ever tell you about David Hasselhoff ? He's my dad ! I've got his picture in my jacket. That way I can always see my dad whenever I want to, without thinking « Oh Yeah, that's right : he left me ! ». Isn't that awesomely pathetic ? I can only imagine what my dad looked like !" the boy lashed out, between hilarity and despair, getting a jagged colorful picture of a man's face out of his jacket and showing it to the captain.  
"Quill…"  
"You have any idea how he would be like ? I think it would be… colored skin, space pirate and super teacher ! A bit like you, actually ! But softer."  
"Quill, that's enough. I'm takin' ya back on the ship !" Yondu succeeded seizing the boy.  
"I just hope he won't abandon me… "  
Quill fainted in his arms.  
(…)

Carrying the young Terran in his arms, Yondu finally arrived at the Elector. It had been pretty difficult finding a way out of the red-light district without any of his men seeing them, but the Centaurian's stealth shouldn't be underestimated. The captain entered Quill's dorm and put him to bed in his hammock.  
Yondu was about to leave when he felt something pulling his large worn-out leather coat. Quill. Still asleep, the boy had grabbed his coat and wouldn't let it go. The teen was delusional, he opened his mouth and whispered a word.

A damn word that struck Yondu as hard as he would never have expected. It was like his own Yaka arrow had pierced through his heart. Like he had come to a revelation… no… an acceptance. Because, no matter how fiercely he had tried to shrug it off, to not think about it, to search for another explanation, deep down, Yondu had always known what had been going on in his mind for so long. And apparently it had been the same for Quill. Yondu had just wanted to believe it wasn't true… but it was true, oh boy was it true !  
It was true, nevertheless Yondu couldn't allow it. So, after the shock of accepting he had known the truth all along, running away from that truth and going back to hints, lies and pretenses was even more painful. But he had to do it. For Quill's safety and for his reputation as captain.

The Terran lost his grip since the captain had pulled even harder towards the opposite direction. Yondu walked out. He left Quill alone, the boy's whisper still resonating in his mind :  
"Dad…".


	15. Worn-Out Recording of a Favourite Song

Eating at the canteen could sometimes be a real challenge for Peter. Hungry Ravagers were the worst and it's during lunch that they usually would try to piss him off, or look for touble to be more accurate ! And now was clearly one of these lunch-times where Peter would have to settle scores ! All of this just because he had had more mashed yahinoes for lunch than Raakius.  
"Should've known ya'd be more fed than the rest of us !…" the hungry Ravager got enraged.  
Peter decided to keep his cool and act as if he hadn't heard a sound, Raakius' complaints seemed harmless. But Peter's resolution suddenly changed when the Ravager grumbled loud enough for the Terran to hear :  
"Damn Cap's protégé…"

Peter instantly got to his feet. He ran towards Raakius and, for lack of more mashed yashinoes, gave him a taste of his fist !  
The Ravager covered his face with his hands, trying to quickly recover from the shock. Then Raakius shot a death glare at Peter and punched him on the left cheek. As painful as the punch was, Peter tried to stay focus. He grabbed the left arm of his opponent. He put all of his weight on it to unbalance the 300 pounds beast. Raakius was now leaving many openings, with a sweep of his foot, Peter made him fall to the ground.  
"Quill ! Quill ! Quill ! Quill !" The Ravagers began to cheer.  
"I bet 100 units on the boy !"  
"I do ya one better : 200 units !"  
"Are ya outta yer mind ? Raakius gonna win ! 200 units"  
Peter felt strong, intimidating. He wanted this moment to last forever. So he took pleasure in maintaining his painful armlock on Raakius as the crowd kept cheering.  
He was hoping the Ravager will remember the lesson. If Peter had made it this far in the Ravager clan, it was because he was strong… on his own ! Yondu had nothing to do with it ! He couldn't bear being so underestimated because of the Centaurian. He was gonna become Star-Lord, damn it ! He would achieve this alone because he was strong enough to. He was done being treated as a weakling who had joined the clan just because the captain had wanted to protect him. Done, done and done ! He hated that. He hated Yondu for having caused such a mess. He would prove to everyone he could stand alone. He didn't need Yondu and never had…

Peter felt a small but sudden blast of air on his forehead. Everybody had calmed down, nothing could be heard. Peter hadn't seen it coming. It made him mad. How could he have been so oblivious ? Now he was standing there, in the middle of the crowd. He had left an opening and was now cornered. He was being humiliated. And it made him mad.  
Mad to see the Yaka arrow one inch away from his forehead.  
Mad to see Yondu watching nastily down on him from the upper floor of the canteen, arms crossed on the handrail… again.

Peter was even more mad that he had been punished the same as Raakius for having caused a fuss on the ship when Peter had been the victim. He had just been defending himself ! That was unfair ! Typical Yondu ! Now he had to spend the night in jail.  
Well that was to be expected. Yondu had become more distant over the course of the year. Distant, but still always minding Peter's businesses ! And that was extremely frustrating ! Why wasn't Yondu acting like the other Ravagers ? Why wasn't the damn Centaurian making it clear wether he was a friend or an ennemy of Peter ? Why was everything about him so difficult to grasp for Peter ? It made the Terran uncomfortable.  
Uncomfortable and pissed because, if there was someone on this ship who would always act like he knew better than Peter, it was Yondu. Who did this a-hole think he was ? Keeping his distance from Peter while taking decisions for him and all when nobody else would ? Always telling him on which missions he should go, which planets he shouldn't stop by while piloting the Milano, putting a tracker on his own freaking ship or never taking his ideas for missions in consideration ! Peter was really pissed off by that attitude. It made him depise Yondu, that damn Yondu for who he had such mixed feelings. And mixed feelings, Peter hated that. It made him feel more lost than he already was. 

Later on, Yondu came to his jail during the night. Peter wasn't gonna hold it. He lashed out everything he thought at Yondu :  
"You know, man, that this is completely unfair. That dick was insulting me, I'd to defend myself ! Now, I know you did that because you hate me so much, you wanted to put me back in that jail so it would make you feel good… well, guess what ? Joke's on you ! I've been in that jail for so long, I totally feel at home in here. So your little satisfaction can go…"  
A sharp piercing resonant sound… That slap was damn harsh. Peter couldn't think of anything now. Only the pain. He stared at Yondu's firing red gaze before the Centaurian snapped back, slapping him at the end of each sentences :  
"Thought I'd already told ya, boy ! You're alive 'cause of me ! These boys wanted to eat ya ! Remember ? So show me some damn respect !"   
"Well you too, show me some respect ! You've abducted me, beat me up and threatened me to death for long enough ! Can't you be a little more understanding of how I feel ?"  
"Oh… so now ya thought I'm a sentimental ?! No Ravager is a sentimental, boy ! Feelings just disturbe your damn mind !"  
"Well, thank you for telling me something so obvious ! Because if you had any feelings at all, you wouldn't be like that, man ! You would understand how I feel and stop preventing me from growing up !"  
Yondu punched him in the stomach.  
Peter fell on his knees, trying to catch his breath again. He could see Yondu leaving the prison. Good riddance ! He couldn't stand seeing the Centaurian anymore. Because now, each time he would, he would get angry.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

According to Gef, one Terra year had passed since the events on Contraxia. This year had easily been the longest Yondu had ever been through. He had, of course, never told Quill about what had happened in the dorms and the teen didn't seem to recall anything at all. However, Yondu, who remembered every detail, had been completely overwhelmed by this.  
He had always known, deep down, that Quill had become a sort of son figure for him. But he had always pushed that thought away, trying to convince himself it was something else. And on that damn night on Contraxia, he had discovered Quill was feeling the same way.  
But… the rift. He had to put a rift back between the two of them. So as painful as it had been, Yondu had worked on that during the year that had just passed. They had been playing this little game for too long now. It had been time for Yondu to become a true captain once again, that's what he had always wanted, what he needed : being a captain.  
However, no matter how Yondu had tried establishing that rift, he couldn't stop paying attention to the teen's safety. Because Quill was one of his men… and because, well, he wanted to protect him. So he put a tracker on the Milano, decided which missions Quill would do, etc. But these little marks of concern had been subtle enough and none of his men had noticed them… except for the boy who, unfortunately, seemed to get the wrong idea. The misunderstandings became more and more frequent, making that damn year feel lengthy.

And now that Quill had made a fuss at the canteen, he decied to punish him the same as he would punish any of his boys. Being a bit caring and strict like that was a good balance. No Ravagers suspected the Centaurian. Even though Yondu knew the rumors wouldn't die so easily, it was saving him from any form of mutiny. The only problem was Quill's way of interprating it. Quill seemed to prefer Yondu's old way of caring about him.  
Well, too bad ! Because there was no going back. Of course Quill had prefered how their relationship had been before, they had both been more honest with each other… and Yondu prefered the old way too. But it hadn't worked and it never would again ! Things had to be different now, no matter how hard it was for the both of them.  
(…)

Leaving Quill's jail, Yondu was furious. He was right, Quill didn't appreciate this new way of doing things. But the boy had been so disrespectful after everything the captain had done for him ! Why wouldn't he be more grateful ? Why would he act like Yondu was the worst person of all, like that ? He had never been so rebellious before… what was going on ? Had Yondu's rift been so efficient that Quill had stopped liking Yondu like he used to ? Surprisingly this thought made Yondu way sadder than he would have expected…  
Yondu guessed it was because Quill had arrived at a certain point in his life where he needed to confront a figure of authority. Where he needed this confrontation to feel like himself, to find out who he really was : the typical adolescence crisis, in other words ! 

It surprised Yondu since it was kinda the first time he was experiencing it. His younger men had always been too old to act in such a way, and even Yondu himself… Well, between the battles in the fighting pit, the daily struggles to find something to eat or his many daydreams about what freedom would be like, he didn't get much time to think about discovering who he was as a person. And later on, he would never have thought, even for a second, about confronting Him.  
Then Yondu thought that everything may be just fine ! Even though his relationship with Quill wasn't as simple as it used to be, it was still Yondu the boy was confronting. It was him Quill had sorta decided to face as his authority figure. Which meant he was surely still liking the captain, no matter everything he had said. This thought made Yondu feel a bit better. But the Centaurian was still worried he was getting too ahead of himself.  
Now Yondu had to wait and see how things would turn out, hoping for the best and knowing that, in the end, everything would depend on Quill. Right now, he thought there wasn't much he could do. It was time for Quill to reflect on himself for a bit. However, the captain would make sure he would maintain his authority on the Elector. Whatever the cost. He had to make it right, stay a good captain, an inspiring Ravager leader, not a sentimental. That was important to him, maybe the most important thing… that 's what he wanted to think.


	16. Hey Street Boy, Want some Style ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter Yondu's POV is way smaller than Quill's. It may seem weird but I did it on purpose. Since they're very distant, a lot of different things happen to each one of them. And because not much happens to Yondu, his POV isn't very long.  
> (I think that POV detail kinda illustrate how they're slowly drifting apart, not going through the same events anymore, almost losing their connection)

"Damn it !" Peter shouted.  
Once again, Yondu had rejected one of his suggestions regarding the execution of a certain mission. Peter was used to it. But the Centaurian hadn't even tried considering what Peter had to say, and had just disagreed without further explanations. On top of it all, his captain had refused letting Peter go on that mission, arguing he would try to do it his own useless way if he happened to participate. It had put Peter in a kind of rage where he wanted to kick everything that would dare stand in his way : such as doors, walls, garbages, people, anything !  
The Ravagers had stayed at Knowhere for too long for him, he wanted to move, to discover new planets, to witness some action… But, no, that wasn't possible. He was stuck on this planet again until Yondu would decide to finally move the Elector somewhere else. Until then Peter had to wait for things to maybe get more exciting, there wasn't even any guarantee things would get better. More than ever, he did feel trapped on the huge mothership.  
Peter didn't want to stay in the Elector. He didn't want to risk seeing Yondu again. He wanted some fresh air. Yondu was being such a jerk, always being in his way like that. It was as if the Centaurian was trying the best he could to ruin Peter's life. If that was what a Ravager life would be like, well, no thanks ! Peter had wanted more. Lately, he had started reconsidering everything he had thought he was craving for. It was as if he didn't feel like being a Ravager anymore. He wanted to leave. He wanted to be free with no self proclaimed « grown-ups » telling him what he could or couldn't do. 

Peter was taking a walk along the streets of Knowhere. The planet was reeking, hot, crowded. It was awful. Not quite the fresh air you would want to breathe. But, to Peter, it was still better than being on the Elector.  
He entered a pub and ordered a drink. He tried to think of something else than how frustrating his life had recently become. Maybe an A'askavariian cocktail would help him thinking life didn't suck that much after all.

"Hey, mate, aren't you a bit too young to drink that ?"  
With an abrupt gesture, Peter turned his gaze towards the direction the sound had come from. He hadn't heard him coming, the guy that had sit at his table, right next to him and who was looking intensely at him.  
Peter didn't wanna speak to drunken. However, he realized this guy wasn't a drunken when he caught a glimpse of his suit. It was a leather suit, one with fins around the shoulders… and the Ravager Flames on the chest ! Peter started to freak out. He had been told Yondu's clan wasn't really appreciated in the Ravager community : he was gonna get in trouble. He tried to breath as calmly as he could. Peter didn't wear the Ravager Flames yet, he might be able to get out of this mess ! He was really hoping he would. The guy was a large man, broad-shouldered, he seemed way more muscular than Yondu… a bit older too, with a few white strands among his ebony hair and some wrinkles over his face… still, it would be a piece of cake for him to kick the shit out of Peter's face !  
"Of course not !" Peter casually answered.  
He tried to breathe softly and did everything he could to avoid shaking. He ignored the drops of sweat dripping from his neck down over his spine. He had to look as confidant as possible. The large man chuckled and asked :  
"So Udonta lets you drink alcohol like that, when you're clearly too young ?"  
Peter froze. The drops of sweat had become shivers. His heart was racing. He struggled keeping his cool. How did that guy know ? What had Peter done to be so obvious ? He had to get out of this pub, quickly ! He got up, feeling a sense of panic growing inside him, and started to rush towards the exit… but the Ravager grabbed his arm.  
Peter was afraid. For the first time since a couple of years he was afraid. He knew Yondu and his men, and how they would never actually harm him to the point of killing him. But that guy, he had no idea who he was or what he could do to him… and that scared Peter.  
The man smiled and used his hand to slowly put the Terran back on his chair. Then he softly said :  
"Chill out, mate, I won't do anything to you. I never do anything to children…"  
'I'm not a child !' Peter wanted to reply but he refrained. He didn't want to get on this guy's nerves. He just listened to him as the man went on :  
"I just wanna talk to you. My teammates are over there, they won't do anything to you, either, I promise. I'm Stakar Ogord."  
"… Peter… Quill." Peter nervously replied.  
"I know." Stakar chuckled.  
"You know ?!"  
"You're quite famous among the Ravager clans. You're the first Terran to have ever joined our ranks, after all."

Peter couldn't believe it. He was famous ? He wanted to speak about it with Stakar, since he had never encountered any Ravager from a different clan before, but the large guy kept on speaking before Peter had the chance to :  
"Speaking of which, how are you doing in Udonta's clan ? You know it's far from being the best clan there is, don't you ?"  
"I'm doing good." Peter confidantly answered, there was no way he would complain to a complete stranger.  
"You're sure ?"  
"Yeah, everything's fine !"  
"You know you have nothing to prove to Udonta nor any of his men. If you feel like you need to start taking your distance from them, you should. You gotta think about what you want for yourself. You look like the « free spirit » type, am I right ? You're sure you wanna stay with them ?"  
"Yeah, I'm doing perfectly fine with them. I'll stay."  
"I could take you wherever you wanna go, Peter Quill."  
That baffled Peter. Stakar was offering him the chance he thought he would never get. The chance to leave. But for what ? What was proving him Stakar wasn't trying to abduct him too ? Peter had sworn he wouldn't let grown-ups restrain his desire to become Star-Lord. He wasn't gonna come with Stakar, no matter how tempting the offer was.  
"Thanks but I'm fine, I am." Peter told the Ravager.  
Stakar quietly nodded. It looked like he was gonna say something so Peter went on :  
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go back to the ship… Uh… see you around !" Peter stammered, getting up and walking towards the exit.  
"Until next time, mate." Stakar quietly replied.

Entering the Elector, Peter felt odd. Stakar had clearly tugged at his heartstrings. The Ravager was right. Peter longed for freedom. He was gonna fight for this freedom. And screw Yondu if he doesn't like it ! 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Damn it !" Yondu shouted.  
What was Quill's problem, always trying to question his authority and suggesting dumb plans like that ? Selling weapon cargoes to a third party nobody knew ? Really ? So they could be betrayed by their buyer ? No way. They had to stick to the buyers they knew ! But that, of couse, had been too complicated for the seventeen years old to understand ! So the boy had insisted to the point where Yondu had no choice but forbiddening the Terran from going on the damn mission. And Quill had left the room making the Centaurian the bad guy of this story… that almost made Yondu go berserk !  
It was already pretty difficult to put that rift between them, Quill's attitude didn't make things easier. Now Yondu was beginning to think Quill might try anything to run away from the Elector. Of course it would get the captain's nerves but he had no idea what to do with Quill anymore ! He was completely lost. He knew he had to act as a captain, that was the most important thing right now. Yet, Yondu felt like there might be something he could do for the boy, but what ? He still liked seeing him succeed and grow up among the Ravager clan, his clan. But what should he do, now that he was completely cornered, out of options ?  
Yondu had never known anything except the hard way, the hard way of the galaxy. What could he possibly do ? 

Since he had no idea of how he had to act, Yondu had decided to put a tracker on the Elector and entered its database on the Milano's system. That way, if Quill would ever run away and want to come back, he would know where the ship was. Yondu trusted him, he would never tell this information. Maybe Quill would just delete it so as not to think about the Elector. Still, Yondu felt like it was the least he could do. 

Yes, Yondu liked the boy.  
And even though he cared about him, he had to be a good Ravager and keep his mind and judgement clear. He had to hide his feelings. He had told the boy : Ravagers aren't sentimentals.  
It had been the same between Yondu and Stakar. Despite how close they had been, Stakar hadn't hesitated banishing him and his clan from the community. Now Yondu understood how hard it may have been for Stakar.  
The Centaurian chuckled: who would have thought, even for a second, that such a kid like Quill would give him that much perspective ?


	17. Make Me Know You really Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter is the one where the difference between the lengths of the two POVs is the most obvious. (Again, kinda because it's the one where Quill and Yondu's relationship seems at its worst...)

The engines whirred. The controls switched on. The Milano took off, leaving the Elector.  
Inside the cockpit, Peter focused on entering the coordinates of planet Yosok. He sniffed and tried to clean his nose using his hand… only it hurt. The bruise he had just next to his nose hurt. He got it from a fight with Yondu. They had punched each other a few days ago but Peter's wounds weren't healing very fast.  
That was so frustrating. The captain never trusted him nor acknowledged him, he didn't understand how Peter felt at all. And now, not only had Yondu hurt him pretty badly, but he had also humiliated Peter in front of all the Ravagers when he had told the Terran he hadn't the skills to fetch some menirium. "We'll see about that !" Peter had decided to go search for the rare material on Yosok, the only planet where menirium could be found.  
It would take a few days but that was okay, at least he would do something interesting and challenging, something perfect for him. He won't just be assigned to some stupid « searching gold » mission on some deserted planet without any thrilling stakes ! And, if things turned out bad for him, he would just face the consequences in front of Yondu, like he had always done. There was no way the Centaurian was gonna let him on his own if he ever encountered trouble. Ravagers were supposed to act like a big family, according to the Code. Even if the atmosphere in Yondu's clan wasn't really one of a family, Peter still knew Yondu would come for him. The Centaurian wouldn't miss a chance to show Peter he was always right… and Peter knew Yondu liked him. It was obvious. Peter would just use a bit of this liking to safely go on an awesome solo mission : Star-Lord's first solo mission !

The Milano landed on Yosok during the rain. Yosok was an inhabited planet… obviously ! It was one of the most dangerous out there : the menirium attracted many bounty-hunters and the weather conditions on this planet were a bit… unique, to say the least. There was no vegetation, only naked montains in all directions, as far as the eye could see, and that was also was due to the climate. Simply put, elements collided on Yosok : in just fifteen minutes, there could be the loudest of thunder, then a pouring rain, then a gentle yet biting cold snow, then chaotic volcanic eruptions and, finally, a bright sun shining. The mix of all these elements was what created menirium in the first place. Peter just had to wait. He hid the Milano inside a large cave, dug into a mountain, to protect his M-ship from this hostile planet's impetuous weather. He waited, looking at his locater, for the weather to be less stormy and go get some menirium.

The thunder had stopped and Peter saw something shining on the ground, a few meters away from him. He instantly looked down at his locater : menirium ! Already ? That was way too easy ! Why had Yondu refused doing this in the first place ? Even Gef could have accomplished this kind of mission ! Anyway, he walked out of the cave. The ground was difficult to walk on, filled with pointy rocks. Piles of them stood everywhere. Moreover, Peter would almost trip because of small holes over the soil ; the setting was quite perfect for stealing and fighting activities with lots of places to hide but also many vast areas to fight and chase. Hence the presence of many bounty hunters.  
He leaned down and grabbed the heavy material with both of his hands. It was a sort of a big rock, around the size of an adult Orloni… but definitely not the weight of one ! It looked a bit like a small shiny meteor, warm and humid. He put it in his knapsack, ready to leave… then a loud blast resonated.  
Peter felt a bullet passing two inches away from his face, a sharp and cold breath of wind on his cheek. And a second blast could be heard, missing him again. The young man wasn't gonna wait for the third.  
He ran.

He ran in the opposite direction of where the Milano was. That way, his opponents wouldn't destroy his only means of escape, the ship had to stay hidden. Peter knew there were many bounty-hunters on Yosok : he should have seen them coming ! But he had been too intrigued by how random the weather on this planet was, and way too focused on his mission. Well, at least, now that he had messed a bit up, he had learned his lesson and wouldn't do the same mistakes next time ! And it felt oddly good to have a bit of action once in a while, even if it threatened your life !  
He looked up, while running in circles so as not to get shot, and saw his assailants on the top of a hill, aiming down on him. He was totally exposed, alone with no back-up on a hostile planet. There were two bounty hunters : a female and a male wearing dark black suits, armed with large guns. They both seemed to be Rajaks. He sent a distress signal to the Elector knowing that, by the time the mothership would arrive here, it would probably be too late. Peter had to save time while waiting for help and try not to get killed in the process.  
He had to think of an escape plan… and quickly ! 

As the Terran kept running around, hiding, and then running again after having been discovered, he suddenly realized his opponents were now trying to catch him with gravity-enhancing grappling irons. They may have ran out of munitions for their guns… too bad they didn't have any Quadblasters ! These guns were really amazing ! They didn't need any munitions ! Peter smiled : now he had a plan !  
Hiding behind a rock, while the ground was shaking because of a volcanic eruption nearby, Peter waited for his chance. 

Things seemed less dangerous after a couple of minutes. The eruptions had apparently stopped and the sun was shining, warm, soothing. Peter got out of his hiding place. Only to brutally fall to the ground. Really hard.  
He couldn't move his arm, it had been blocked by a grappling iron. Then he felt his other arm and his legs being pulled towards the ground. Now his entire body was stuck. There was no way he could escape. And on top of it, his knapsack had opened and the menirium was out, almost begging for the bounty-hunters to come and pick it up ! Peter didn't want to face it, he was kinda looking defenseless and stupid right now !

And, indeed, his assailants walked towards him, ready to steal the menirium he had found. Peter saw them getting closer and closer, motionless. They had seen their victim in such a difficult and hopeless situation so they were casually walking like they had already won… and had apparently forgotten they were on Yosok !  
Peter suddenly felt he was being heavily soaked by a strong rain, he wanted to take shelter but he couldn't move… and he was glad he couldn't move thanks to the gravity enhancing grappling irons all over his boy. The wind rose, stronger and stronger : the typhoon was coming and he wasn't gonna be taken away by it.  
The bounty-hunters were. No matter how fast they tried to run when they realized they had been trapped, it was useless : the typhoon was faster. It caught up to them and they vanished inside the giant storm, so did their screams. Even though the rain was pouring down really hard and the wind was almost suffocating, Peter wanted to laugh so much : his opponents had fallen so easily into his trap ! It was so satisfying ! He almost wished the entire crew was there to see it.  
Now Peter had to wait a few minutes before the grappling irons would stop working, then he could pick the menirium right next to him up and go back to the Milano to wait for the crew's arrival. He couldn't wait to see Yondu's face when he would return !

Peter was done. He had been waiting for the Ravagers to arrive on Yosok for three hours, longing for the moment he would casually welcome them and tell them he had gotten what they needed, excited to show them, and especially Yondu, what he could do. But they hadn't come.  
They never did. They had probably received his signal and just ignored it. They had let him down. They had let Peter, one of their own, down. Was he really one of their own, to begin with ?  
He was done waiting. He got back into the Milano, enraged, and set a course to the Elector's coordinates. He had a score to settle with the captain.

He left Yosok's orbit. He enjoyed piloting through space. It was dark. But he liked that. It was also vast. Stars were always shining. And it was silent, peaceful. It eased his mind knowing space would always be the same, no matter the hardships, no matter… how lost he felt, space will always be a landmark. And now was one of these times when he fet lost. The only problem being how long this time had already lasted.  
Peter had no idea of what he should do at all. The one thing he knew was that he wanted to be free, to be Star-Lord. That's why he had to stay with the Ravagers, they would help him becoming the Star-Lord he longed to be. That's what he had always thought, but now it seemed different. Stakar had been right, he craved for freedom.  
And now he was thinking that being with the Ravagers wouldn't actually help that much, would it ? Maybe he just needed to leave ? But where to ? Where would he even go ? He was stucked with Yondu's clan, he had known nothing else but the Ravager way of life. Would he really be able to live on his own ? It was during times like these he wanted Mom to be by his side.  
It was during times like these he missed her. It was during times like these he knew he still hadn't coped with her passing.

The Milano oddly stooped moving forward. It was an abrupt shock.  
"Damn it !" Peter swore, looking through the canopy.  
A massive white Nova Corps ship had intercepted him. The Milano was caught by its magnetic field. Peter couldn't believe he had been that reckless twice a day. He wasn't that dumb ! He was so pissed at himself, so pissed at his troubled mind that prevented him from truly focusing, that day couldn't have gotten any worse ! The Elector captain had abandoned him and he was probably gonna spend a few nights in jail.  
As he heard the Nova Corps soldiers enter his ship, Peter was on the verge of exploding in rage. He hadn't done anything wrong ! He had been forced into doing this ! He wished he could tell about the Ravagers to Nova Corps but that wasn't possible. He wasn't a damn traitor ! He was just mad against that whole freaking world where anybody understood, supported nor even cared about him. 

They had found the menirium… « found »… Well, not exactly since Peter had just left it next to the dashboard so, of course, they had found it. They had taken it. Now he was gonna come back empty-handed… if he would ever come back at all . There were four Nova Corps soldiers, they moved all of his belongings, threw things over the ground, checked his cockpit. To put in a nutshell, they were making a fuss on his ship.  
"Would you mind being a bit more careful, guys ?" he ironically asked them.  
A broad-shouldered female soldier pushed him over the wall so he would calm down and shut up.  
"Easy, easy… no problem !" Peter tried to cool her down.  
"Save your saliva for the questioning !" she stoically retorted, almost spitting on him, needless to say she wasn't saving her saliva.  
And they took him on their ship, parking the Milano inside their little hangar.

Peter was waiting in the questioning room, a little spot inside the Nova Corps ship. It was filled with different controls but the Terran couldn't have access to them, he was tied up on a chair. A large table of white glass was in front of him. The lightning in the room was disturbly soothing considering his situation, with warm white and yellow lights.  
Peter was still mad but there was nothing he could say or do. Fully resigned, he was just waiting for how things would turn out for him. A young man about five to ten years older than him burst into the room and sat in front of him, he joined his hands and calmly put them on the table, he began to speak :  
"So, Peter Quill, what were you doing with that menirium you illegally stole from planet Yosok ?"  
"' Was about to sell it on the black market! I gotta steal for a living, you know…" Peter casually answered.  
"Oh, is that so ?" the man stayed calm and chuckled. "You see, from the way you're dressed, I would've thought you were a Ravager…"  
"I sure ain't one, man !" it hurt Peter's chest to even think about the Ravagers for a second. "Sorry to disappoint… what you have in front of you is the legendary outlaw Star-Lord !"  
"Yeah… I gotta say you look a bit too young to be a Ravager."  
'I'm around nineteen freaking years old, man !' Peter wanted to retort, Ravagers usually started their training at seventeen at least. He was of age now. But that was exactly this calm man's plan, that dude was already getting on Peter's nerves for being so relaxed, knowing he was having the upper-hand. Peter hated that kind of jerk who liked to show off when they weren't even playing fair : he was tied up so, of course, that guy would calmly brag ! But Peter had to keep his cool. He had to conceal his frustration to keep his secrets hidden.  
Since the Terran hadn't said a thing, the man went on :  
"You won't fool me, Peter Quill…"  
"Star-Lord, man !"  
"Uh… my bad." the man tiredly sighed. "Look, I know what your situation is. And I won't arrest you."

The Nova Corps soldier led him, holding him by the arm, towards the hangar… towards the Milano… towards his way out. The Terran couldn't believe it. A minute ago he was so pissed at the guy who was now trying to save him. Things were going really fast. Do people normally act so quickly ? Is it even possible to be that helpful towards strangers ?  
"Why are you doing this again ?" Peter asked him, still unsure of what would happen.  
"Because I know what you're going through. I've arrested plenty of Ravagers. I know they have this sort of « family thing » with their youngsters and you seem to be in need of that. They must be worried about you. I don't wanna separate you from them… I'll have a child too, one day, and I wouldn't want that to ever happen to him."  
'Family ? You don't know Yondu's clan !' It was about everything Peter could think of right now. Deep down, the young man kinda hoped someone, Yondu for instance, was being worried about him… that someone actually cared.  
"I already told you I ain't a Ravager, man…"  
"Yeah, yeah, sure thing…" the soldier nodded, still convinced he was right.  
"And what are you gonna tell your colleagues, exactly ?"  
"That you escaped… oh, my bad !" he faked surprise saying this.  
"Yeah… but, I mean, don't you have cameras or something like that ?"  
"Oh ! Thanks for worrying about me, pal. I'll be fine. I've hacked the recordings so it'd look like a breakout. That's my secret super-power, you know… never underestimate the power of technology !" he said winking.  
Peter was perturbed. Why was this guy doing this ? Even though he wasn't a Ravager, the soldier oddly cared about him. It had been so long since someone had shown such kindness towards him, he didn't even know what to do.  
They were now standing in front of the Milano.  
"Thanks." Peter let out almost inaudibly.  
"Don't thank me. Your criminal record is still clean. But do this one more time and you'll start getting into real troubles."  
Peter got into the Milano by the upper entry. He felt like he had to thank this man even more. But there was so much he had to say and so much he wasn't really understanding that no sound could come out of his mouth. He had no idea where to start. Fortunately, the Nova Corps soldier shouted at him :  
"I'm Rhomann Dey, pal ! Be sure to remember that ! Hope for you, we'll never meet again, Star-Prince !"  
The ship's canopy closed.  
"Star-LORD !" Peter snapped back, irritated, but there was no way Dey would hear him because of the loud engine sound.  
Even though he was mad at having been miscalled, Star-Lord smiled.

Peter found the Elector about four hours later. He sent a signal so he could get a permission to come on board. Once he did and got out of the Milano, Kraglin was there to welcome him.  
"Hey, Pete ! Long time no see. Where've ya been?"  
Peter didn't want to answer, he ignored Kraglin's question and headed to his dorm. Nobody had come to rescue him. They had all abandoned him. He was utterly disgusted. Disgusted for having counted on all of them. Disgusted he had trusted them. Disgusted he hadn't been able to completely do this alone.

He was so disgusted and lost in his frustrated thoughts, he hadn't seen Yondu brutally approach him.  
Being pushed against the wall for the second time in this shitty day brought him back to reality. Yondu's strong blue hands made him hit the wall pretty hard. That was to be expected.  
Yondu wouldn't miss a chance to humiliate and belittle him again. The Centaurian's face was close to his, Peter could feel his warm breath on his own face. Yondu inhaled and yelled at him :  
"What were you thinkin', boy ? Ya could've gotten us all cornered by damn Nova Corps !"  
"Well, I'm sorry but your plan was shit. Now… I almost brought menirium, so I think you could…"  
"But ya didn't ! You're empty-handed now ! Ya just waisted your damn time for nothin' !"  
"I tried to do something for the crew ! Something I could do right but you just keep being a jerk to me…"  
"Don't start it, boy !"  
"No ! You stop it ! Always lecturing me like that. Who do you even think you are ? My father or something ? Well, guess what ! You're not !"

Silence.

Yondu let go of his grip on Peter's leather jacket, looking at him. The Centaurian's red eyes oddly seemed as cold as the vacuum of space. Peter still couldn't get a clue of what the captain was thinking, but he held his gaze on him anyway.  
And so they looked at each other. Not saying a word. Peter hoped all of his rage could be read into his eyes. He wished Yondu would let him alone for once. But the Centaurian punched him hard in his jaw, answering him the same way he had always done : with violence. The Terran felt to the ground. He tried to quickly get up to counterattack. But, as he was gathering his strenghts to do so, he got stopped by Yondu's hoarse voice which actually sounded pretty calm but no less menacing :  
"I want ya to remember you're alive 'cause of me… Ya owe me, Quill. Next time ya disrespect me like that, I'll kill ya. I will."  
Then Yondu left. Peter was pissed : his day had actually turned even worse than what he had expected. He had just fully realized the Ravagers, the only family he truly had ever gotten in space, had abandoned him. Yondu had abandoned him. He was back to being an orphan. Forever.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Uh… Cap' ? We think Quill has left the ship…" Kraglin akwardly tried to inform his captain.  
Yondu turned around to face his first mate. The view from the observation post suddenly stopped interesting him. What ? What was Quill thinking ? It was because he had refused the boy's suggestion, wasn't it ? The captain sighed : the young man was so difficult to deal with. And now, he had felt like he had to prove to Yondu he was good enough to do riskier missions. At that moment it hadn't been the problem : back then, Yondu had just tried to maintain his authority by telling Quill what to do. He had never doubted the boy's abilities.  
Well, what was done was done. He had expected this kind of scenario and already had a plan. He'll wait for Quill and see what the Terran could do. If the boy ended up being useful to the crew, Yondu might get a chance to have a nice little moment with him, without it being too obvious in front of the rest of the crew.

"The problem, Cap', is that he just sent a distress signal… but he's way too far for we to go. So… what's the plan ?" Kraglin went on since Yondu had stayed quiet.  
Now, that was problematic. There was no way Yondu could order his crew to go and save Quill wherever he was. No matter how much he wanted to help him, his crew wouldn't take it that way.  
Once more, it pained Yondu to pretend he didn't care about Quill.  
All of this because of that « rift thing ». Yondu had no choice. Well, he did have one… but he had made it long ago : he had chosen the Ravagers over Quill.  
Yondu had been raised as a slave and had then found freedom, a new home and a purpose with the Ravagers. Becoming a captain had been his one and only dream and he cared about that more than anything in the world… or maybe except for Quill…  
After all, Quill had been like the fourth step of his life. The one that had given him a whole new purpose and had made him feel content.  
And he had chosen to refuse it, to go back at how things were.  
How things were, when everything was going perfectly fine. He hadn't wanted things to change because of Quill, even when the boy had become so important to him. He just wished things could stay alright : no disrespect, no mutiny, no him trying to understand himself, no him being lost. He was tired of the unexpected… scared of it, actually. That's why he had chosen the Ravagers.  
"That's Quill's business if he's caught ! We'll mind ours. Ain't helping the damn boy !" Yondu let out.

It had been more painful than expected. The event on Contraxia was getting older and older, Yondu hadn't gotten any chance to be closer to Quill for so long… yes, it was what he had wished, but it made his emotions less easy to control. Yondu hated that pain, he hated not being in control, he hated feeling lost !  
He tried to calm down. His vision was lost in space. Space had always been a source of comfort to him. Watching the stars, the asteroids or the pitch black of the galaxy, ( he had no idea what he was exactly looking at ) his thoughts led him to Quill, to wonder where he was, what he was up to… and if he was okay.  
Of course he was okay ! The boy was a bloody Ravager. A Ravager Yondu had almost trained all by himself ! Of course the young man was gonna be okay ! He was gonna get out of this mess he was in !  
He trusted him. He had faith in him.  
(…)

"Who do you even think you are ? My father or something ? Well, guess what ! You're not !" Quill snapped back at him, furious, outraged, honest.  
Yondu couldn't believe it… it hurt.  
He wasn't expecting the young man to say such a thing. He should have seen it coming. He should have known the boy would hate him when their relationship had started to slowly wither like that over the past few years. But still, it hurt. Yondu had hoped Quill still liked him a bit.  
Well, if Quill was sure about it… if he really wanted to call it an end, Yondu won't bother. He will stop trying. He'll stick to his role as a cruel and authoritative captain.  
He puched him in the jaw. He put all of his frustration, anger, sadness and regret in that fist. Then he told him in his deep, powerful and hoarse voice :  
"I want ya to remember you're alive 'cause of me… Ya owe me, Quill. Next time ya disrespect me like that, I'll kill ya. I will."

And he went away.


	18. It Doesn't Mean You Mean that much To Me

A high-quality gun. That may be what Peter was among the Ravagers. What he had always been and will forever be. A high-quality gun that would tend to miss the target from time to time but could still do a pretty good job at shooting. Just like Peter, who had often messed things up, but who was still in the ranks of the Ravagers because he was useful to them in general. Just like Yondu's behaviour, who would sometime be proud of him or reject him. That's definitely what Peter was : a high-quality gun.  
That explained why Peter had never felt like being an outsider that much before. Now that he was around twenty eight years old, he was far from his child or teenager abilities. Everything that had made him special, useful in the first place was gone. He wasn't at home anymore. He had never been at home with the Ravagers, but now it was worse : now he was unneeded. Wasn't he ? Was there anyone who needed him ?  
Whatever ! What Peter knew was that he might need to leave. Why bother staying ? All he wanted was to live a full life as Star-Lord. Everything he had needed to know, he had learned it already. Why not leave this toxic place ? 

"Quill ! Focus, damn it ! It ain't time for daydreamin' !" Halfnut's sharp angry voice woke him up from all of his thoughts.  
All the Ravagers gathered for this mission were silently waiting. Yondu was discussing with a new buyer. The Ravagers had stolen carbonated goods, remembrances from a destroying fire that had struck planet Kypal a long time ago, pricey goods. It was important that the captain tried to become more familiar with a new buyer : trust had to be quicly establish. So they were all waiting to go back on the ship once the captain was done.  
Peter had found it quite disturbing seeing Yondu looking so uncomfortable today. They had met the new buyer in an abandoned battle arena. Peter knew it was bringing bad memories back to the Centaurian. But, still, the Terran wasn't used seeing the captain like that. 

As Peter was slowly going back into his thoughts, he heard a Quadblaster shot. He looked up to see what was going on : the buyer had fallen to the ground, motionless, Yondu had drawn the Yaka arrow and men were entering the area to ambush the Ravagers. Bounty hunters !  
What was going on ? What were they up to ? They probably wanted to kill them so they could get the rewards of each and every one of them given by Nova Corps or the black market… That seemed to be the most likely reason.  
Without hesitating, Peter jumped into action, joining the few Ravagers and being followed by the rest of the team. He was so excited ! His last decent fight had been a pretty long time ago ! He pressed the button to activate his jet propulsion boots. It was placed on his knee. And then he soared. He leaned forward to gain speed and put on his mask so he could get a clearer picture of the situation, using its ultraviolet vision. Then he landed in the middle of the fight.

Everything was going quite fine : shooting some guys, propulsing whenever there was a threat he couldn't easily dodge, saving a few of his colleagues when he could and landing to shoot some guys. Peter was used to it. He had mastered a lot of kick-ass fighting moves and had so many gizmos to use ! That was what it felt like to be Star-Lord, to be free, to be yourself !  
Soaring one more time to shoot down a bounty hunter, Peter was caught by another one who had jumped on him. They both fell to the gound. It was an agile Hurctarian female. She quickly got on top of Peter who was still laying on the gound. She drew a knife and got it one inch away from his throat. Peter blocked it with his Quadblaster. But the bounty hunter was muscular and getting her blade closer and closer to Peter's skin.  
Cold. It was cold. She wasn't shaking. It felt pointy. The knife was touching Peter's skin. She was smiling. Peter wanted to find a way out. But the knife was on his throat. Calling for help or turning his head would make him move. And he would get killed. She gently pressed harder. Peter felt something slowly go into his throat. It hurt. It was cold. It was irritating. It pricked. He felt a liquid starting to run down his skin. His blood. His own red and warm Terran blood. It was painful. It was scary. And then it stopped.  
Pressing his hand on his throat that had fortunately just received a big scratch, Peter got up, facing the bounty hunter… and the hole through her forehead. The body stood up for like five seconds, before abruptly falling down to the ground and revealing Yondu. He had killed her with the Yaka arrow. He had saved Peter. He shouted at him :  
"Can't believe ya still need my help, boy !"  
"I don't, I had it under control !… unlike you !" Peter replied shooting dead the male Luphomoid that had sneaked behind Yondu's back with his Quadblaster. "See ? Now you owe me !"  
The Centaurian smirked and got back into the fight. So did Peter. He wondered why Yondu had saved him… probably because he was like a high-quality gun to the captain.

While he was fighting two Lems, another bounty hunter tried to ambush Peter. He had seen him but hadn't known how to handle him. A whistle and his aggressor was down. Peter finished the two Lems and turned around to face Yondu again.  
"That's two for me, one for ya, boy !" he cheerfully teased him.  
"Bring it on, man !" Peter answered to the Centaurian's challenge.  
Yondu was surrounded : he shot his opponents from above. He was trapped because of an enhancing-gravity grappling iron : Yondu broke it with his arrow. Yondu's arrow was too busy taking care of bounty hunters, leaving the Centaurian with only a Quadblaster to defend himself when he was the most targeted : he found a way to help him out with one of his many gizmo. He was fighting an Astran hand to hand : Yondu, who was stronger on hand to hand combat, came. 

And so they kept on competiting for who will save the other's ass the most. Peter found it very fun. It just bugged him Yondu was being so considerate right now. What was even more disturbing was how natural them playing together like that was feeling ! It was also so surprising that they were having fun in the first place, even after everything they had done to each other : Peter had never imagined it could ever happen again… and happen so easily, on top of it ! Why ? Why was it so easy ? What was that special thing between him and Yondu, who would always make such crazy things happen, despite all of the hardships ? He had no real clue. He thought it may be better not to think too much about it. He just had to enjoy it for how good it felt !

However the Ravagers were clearly outnumbered so the captain ordered them to retreat. Peter prepared himself to be propulsed so he could better escape. As his gaze was up, looking towards the sky, Peter wondered why he wasn't getting any closer, why he wasn't soaring anymore… his heartbeat went faster and faster and he looked down. A bounty hunter was holding him by his foot and wouldn't let go. No matter how much Peter kicked him ! His opponent's grip was fierce and Peter was too unbalanced, floating in the air like that, to free himself. On top of it all, he was out of ammos.  
The Terran desperately watched as the Elector arrived on top of the arena. Ravagers started to climb to get out, holding to the vines all over the stone walls. Still trying to truly take off, he looked down on the bounty hunter again : he was drawing a knife and his buddies were getting closer, loudly screaming, excited about killing the Terran.  
He wasn't gonna make it… The Elector wasn't gonna stay there long. Most of them weren't gonna make it. Only the fastests would. And Peter was trapped. Too proud to call for help, Peter started to think of a plan to get out of the arena and maybe find the Elector later. A plan to survive this mess at least ! But his jet propulsing boots wouldn't last long in space, they weren't made for that. How would he even escape Kypal ? Was he… screwed ?  
It seemed that time had just stopped. It seemed everything was now in slow-motion : the Ravagers climbing their way out to survive, the Elector almost leaving, his assailant pulling harder on his foot. It left Peter more time to think, like, since the end was near, he suddenly got the time to reflect on his entire life. Was he really gonna die… like that ? All alone ? That dumbly ? He didn't wish for that to happen… it scared him to feel so helpless. He was gonna die scared.  
So uncool… So frustrating… just like his whole damn life had been… 

A blast of air quickly passed a few inches from his foot and cut the bounty hunter's arm. Blood dropped on Peter's pants.  
He watched carefully : it was the Yaka arrow ! Yondu was shouting at Peter, from the Elector, to quickly come on board. Was Yondu actually waiting for him ? If Yondu was, then the whole ship was gonna wait until he would escape !… increasing the chances of having more escaping Ravagers get killed… Quick ! He had to be quick ! It was like the slow-motion had stopped, everything now went faster and Peter had to keep up with the rythm. Without thinking too much about it, Peter soared. He felt a few hands and fingers trying to grab his feet, but now it was too late for them : Peter had gotten the rythm while they had been too slow. The pressure of the propulsion and the speed of his jet boots enabled him to make it out. He got into the mothership in seconds. He crashed on the hard metallic floor, gasping and shaking, still not believing he had been so close to death.  
The moment he had entered the ship, the door had closed making a menacingly loud and cold metal sound, provoking a breathtaking draft. Then the Elector made a jump : they were leaving Kypal. The pressure of the jump made Peter fall to the ground, hitting the hard and cold floor again. He was still trying to catch his breath and decided to keep on laying down on the floor for a bit : he had to pull himself together, and things to think about.

Trying to process what had just all so suddenly happened, Peter felt unsure. When he had saved him back then, was Yondu still playing their little game… or did he care about him ?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Recently Yondu had felt like he owed his men. He needed to get a lot of money otherwise the crew's moral would get down. Not only were they still complaining about Quill, but Yondu also wanted to prove he was a great captain to be sure there would be no mutiny. Besides, damn Nova Corps was gaining territory, becoming more and more powerful now that the Kree empire had completely fallen, and it was hard not getting caught.  
That's why Yondu had trusted Kuon. Kuon had been an old acquaintance from Hala, there was no way it would have turned wrong making deals with him since they knew each other a bit.  
They both knew how it felt like to be praised by hundreds for your first murder and how it changed your way of seeing things. How true hunger felt like when the only things you could eat were your hairs or your nails. How the only distraction you could find from time to time was to count your own scars. How you could mop floors, harvest fields, cook or sell your body to get a small tip. How strange it felt, when you were sick of the taste of nails or hairs, to eat your recently deceased roommate's body.  
Memories that had resurfaced when Yondu had walked trough that arena. It was different than the one on Hala, but it had been enough to bring the pain back.

Yet, Kuon had slowly drawn a gun from under his large coat, underestimating Yondu's eyesight and reflexes. The Centaurian drew a Quadlaster too and shot Kuon dead first.  
Then the bounty hunters, allies of Kuon, arrived and everything went out of control. 

Making his way out of the fighting crowd to get a clear picture of what was happening, Yondu saw Quill. He was gonna get his throat sliced ! The captain had to save him, that way the Terran might respect and trust him a little bit more. That was the only reason he would save him. He had stopped caring for the boy a long time ago, after all !  
He whistled and the Yaka arrow pierced through the female Hurctarian's forehead, killing her instantly : his favourite move !  
Quill's surprise, which could be read all over his face, was priceless and overwhelmingly satisfying. Yondu went back to his theatrical self, since he was using the Yaka arrow, and said :  
"Can't believe ya still need my help, boy !"  
"I don't, I had it under control !… unlike you !"  
The Centaurian didn't get the time to ask Quill if he was sure about really controling the situation, the Terran shot a bounty hunter that had been close to finish the captain off. Now it was Quill's time to enjoy, he hissed at the Centaurian :  
"See ? Now you owe me !"  
He smirked. Maybe that would surprise Quill, he didn't care. He was just glad the boy had saved him, maybe he still did like him, after all. At least, enough for not wanting him dead. Which was already pretty huge, thinking about it!  
(…)

Without him realizing it, Yondu and Quill had started to protect each other like it was some sort of a competition. It had felt natural for them to start this little game. As if they had always been close to each other. Yondu decided not to think too much about it, it just felt good and that was enough for now.  
What he had to think about was how outnumbered they were. As the captain, Yondu had to order his men to retreat. He quickly called Kraglin and give the first mate their exact coordinates so he could pick them up. He specifically told the Xandarian to leave a minute later. As they would try to escape, his men would look vulnerable. They couldn't save eveyone, otherwise it would be a slaughter. It had to stay a small massacre. 

A few minutes later, Kraglin brought the Elector here and let the mothership fly over the arena to let as many Ravagers as possible get into it with grappling irons. Using his arrow to cover his own back, Yondu climbed up the walls of the arena and was the first to enter the Elector.  
Once he was on the ship, he turned around to check on his crew and see if his men were okay. But many of them were falling from the walls they were trying to climb, unbalanced by the attacks of their aggressors. Their screams resonated in the captain's ears and made his heart beat faster.  
Yondu had been followed by Halfnut, Tulk and a few other of his men.  
But where was he ? And now it was like Yondu's heartbeats were so fast and strong that they were piercing through his chest. 

Kraglin approached his captain, ready for orders, expecting him to say they should be leaving. And yet the Centaurian didn't say a word, he just focused on staying calm and thinking, feeling his torso filling itself since he struggled to catch his breath.  
Because Yondu had said nothing, the first mate spoke :  
"Cap', it's been a minute, now ! Should we go ?"  
Yondu didn't answer. He was looking at the arena, trying to catch a glimpse of where Quill was… hoping his gaze wouldn't come across a dead Terran body. Then he saw him being stuck because of a bounty hunter. He had to help him…  
"Cap', ya said we should leave !" Kraglin pressed his captain to do give orders.  
"I know I said that ! Quill's comin', we're waitin' for him !" Yondu angrily retorted.  
These words said, Yondu whistled so his arrow could rescue the boy.  
"What ??!"  
Yondu ignored the cries of complain and focused on cutting that damn bounty hunter's arm. 

Yes, he was helping Quill ! Well, what had just happened today had proved him he still liked the boy and was probably still liked too. No matter their quarrels, he cared about Quill and there was no way he would lose him like that ! Quill could die of course, he was mortal after all. But not like that ! Yondu refused to abandon him right now. He would have regretted it his whole life if he had left Quill there, he knew it.  
He won't let Quill down, not today. Screw the rift, screw the crew, screw everything else ! It was something way stronger than him that pushed Yondu to wait for the boy.

It was like, even if Quill hadn't seemed to still like the captain, Yondu wouldn't have mind and would have saved him nonetheless ! He wanted to rescue him, and that was all. No deeper reflexion. Just an urge to do the right thing… and, since it was about Quill, maybe more like an urge to just protect him… ?  
The Centaurian wasn't expecting to act out of pure reflexe like this, without anticipating a bit. It was almost as if he was someone else at that precise moment. Not a Centaurian, not a Ravager captain, not even Yondu Udonta… just someone who seemed to care a lot about Peter Jason Quill…  
Yondu was losing control, again. He wondered if he ever once had things under control at all. Probably not.  
He probably never really controled that damn « rift thing ». He hadn't even controled this sort of game they had played today. It had happened just like this. So easily. He had just wanted to check if he could still have fun with Quill… maybe to make amends for having been so hard on him over the past years ?  
To see if, per any chance, there still was this bond between the two of them, after all ?  
To see if, per any chance, they both hadn't really meant to grow apart from each other ?  
To see if, per any chance, there was a genuine form of complicity and affection under those avoidant and conflictual appearances ?

Yondu shook his head, shrugging it off : right now, it was Quill's safety that bothered him the most.  
(...)

When the boy got back into the ship, Yondu tried to only concentrate on Kraglin's cheer… that way he wouldn't think too much about how soft he had just appeared in front of his crew, and especially about the angry glances most of his men were shooting him…


	19. Get Back What I Lost

Red. Blue. Green. Red again. Yellow. Colorful. Calm. Peaceful.  
Peter was sitting on the stairs leading to the dorms' corridor. He watched the Ravagers funerals through the porthole that was right at the end of the staircase. He had made his choice.

Peter had never been a real member of the Ravagers crew. They had always used him. Sure, he had made a few friends, but not enough to feel at home on the Elector nor wanting to stay. He had to leave. Nothing was gonna happen to him if he kept on staying here. He couldn't be Star-Lord by staying here, just a high-quality gun. Everything he had planned had suddenly crumbled and he was now realizing he had to leave if he truly wanted to make his dream come true.  
Moreover, some Ravagers', especially Yondu's, attitude would always make him wonder wether or not he was welcome here. And that uncertainty was fueling his desire to go away, be on his own and choose whatever he wanted to do : have full control over his own life. Be free.

He was done dealing with such a toxic environment, never really sure who to trust because nobody would bother being honest even for a sec' ! Nobody would tell him how they truly felt about him. How could he be expected to build genuine relationships and want to stay ?  
He wanted to leave so he could learn how not to give a shit about anyone else too. That surely must feel great and explain why the Ravagers never cared about him nor really showed him honest marks of affection over the last years ! Peter wanted that too. To be alone, to think only about yourself so that anything that happens on the galaxy won't ever affect you.  
Being alone will also help him cope with Mom's death. He still missed her. On the Elector, he never really got the chance to accept her death… or maybe he hadn't really tried. But solitude might help him focusing on it. 

Hearing footsteps in the staircase, Peter turned around. The Centaurian was back to his favourite spot and the Terran had been waiting for him. Yondu silently nodded to Peter and sat down next to him. Peter dared to look into the captain's eyes and, once more, couldn't read what his expression meant. The captain seemed melancholic, a bit hesitant maybe… The red of his eyes provided strange reflections into his iris due to the fireworks. Each color seemed to convey a different emotion.  
Then Peter broke the silence :  
"I'm leaving."

Red. Blue. Lilac. Three explosions of colors happened during an appeased silence.

Yondu chucled. He turned his head and made eye-contact with Peter. The Centaurian was smiling. Was he agreeing ? Did he really want to get rid of Peter so much ? The captain handed a mug of ale over to Peter and drank a swallow of his own. Still smiling, he set his eyes back to the fireworks and asked the Terran :  
"And where ya goin' ?"  
"I think I'll be some sort of a bounty hunter. I just don't wanna be a Ravager anymore, it sucks." Peter lashed out, watching the colors too, without worrying if it sounded mean or not, he wanted to be honest, but was he ? "« Once a Ravager, always a Ravager », right ? Well I've never really been a Ravager nor acted like one. I disobeyed. I've wasted things I stole. And I never considered myself as part of the clan. I tried but I never felt like it was natural for me. So I wanna leave."

Peter took a swallow of his ale, Yondu did the same. Drinking seemed to be like some sort of a small break in the middle of their discussion. Silence. The funerals had stopped. Space was going back to its peaceful pitch black, brightened by the stars. Ravagers would come up with new things to do, and the life on the Elector would keep on going smoothly.

"Fine, but ya gotta keep collaboratin' with us, boy ! Don't forget ya still owe us." Yondu finally said.  
"Okay, whatever… If I can leave…" Peter sighed and reluctantly accepted.  
He finished his mug and got up, ready to go up the stairs and leave. He headed towards the hangar and shot the captain's back one last glance. Yondu was still sitting at the bottom of the stairs, motionless. The Centaurian didn't even bother to say goodbye nor side glance him. It wasn't surprising. It had always been like this. Yondu had never really cared that much about him… a high-quality gun Yondu liked to play with from time to time : that's what Peter was.  
There had been good and happy moments between the two of them. Peter knew it. It just had been so long ago that these memories were now vague. So vague Peter even wondered if they had truly happened, if he wasn't being a bit delusional and inventing things from his childhood up. Peter clearly remembered only the most recent events. The hardest ones.  
He was lost. He didn't know what was real nor what was false anymore.  
Peter went away.

As he was turning the Milano's controls on, with the canopy still opened, Peter heard someone call his name. He looked down. It was Kraglin.  
"Pete ! Ya leavin' ?" the first mate said, on the verge of crying.  
Peter decided to get out of the Milano to say goodbye to Kraglin. The Ravager had always been a good guy to him. He owed it to the first mate.  
Getting closer to the Xandarian, Peter wasn't expecting him to open wide his arms and hug him hard the way he did. The Terran was almost choking. Then Kraglin suddenly stopped and said :  
"Ya know w'all act differently when we is in private. I just always wanted to hug ya…" the first mate went on, still holding his tears. "We gonna miss ya, Pete. Tulk, Oblo, Cap', me…"   
"I wouldn't be so sure about that. I don't think Yondu'll miss me that much." Peter snorted.  
"He will, Pete !"  
"Then why did he let me go ?! People don't let their loved ones leave !" Peter burst, instantly regretting he had yelled at Kraglin.  
"But what if they think it's what's best for'em ?" Kraglin bashfully replied.  
Peter didn't want to talk about this any longer. He jumped into the Milano, turned again the controls on, flipped the horizontal directions shift forward and left the Elector. For good, this time.

Star-Lord couldn't wait for new adventures !

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"I'm leaving."

Yondu almost choked on his ale. He tried to contain his coughs… Quill wanted to go, Quill was leaving, why ? What was it Yondu was feeling, right now ? Panic ? The boy's determination had just blown him away, that was all. There was no need to freak out like that. Everything would be alright. Quill was gonna leave and Yondu won't ever have to fear any mutiny. That was perfect. That should be…  
Then why was the Centaurian feeling so down ? Long ago he did have needed the boy… but that boy was now a full grown up… why did he still felt like Quill had to be by his side ? Was it because he kinda liked him that it felt surprisingly painful… ?  
He should have seen it coming. He had always been pretty hard on Quill and had completely let the boy down when he had started to fear a mutiny would come. He had been awful. It was no big surprise Quill wanted to leave. He had sucked, didn't do none of it right…  
It probably was best for the boy if he just left and live a decent life on his own. Yondu was just hoping he had prepared him well enough for that cruel world.  
He wanted him to stay but that was selfish, again. And Yondu was done being selfish, especially towards Quill. There was no way he would involve the Terran in his own troubles ! Quill was offering him the chance to be a good captain again, with no distractions nor hesitations whatsoever. He had to take this chance. Go back to his old life like he had always wished to… a life without Quill. No matter how strange that sounded now. That only seemed natural. Things had to change. And Yondu hadn't done what was necessary for Quill to stay. He had chosen the Ravagers over Quill. He regretted that choice but now it was too late.  
He had to let go.

He chuckled, met the boy's gaze and gave him a mug of ale before swallowing a bit of his own. Having that last drink with Quill was all he was asking for.  
"And where ya goin' ?" he asked him.  
"I think I'll be some sort of a bounty hunter. I just don't wanna be a Ravager anymore, it sucks. « Once a Ravager, always a Ravager », right ? Well I've never really been a Ravager nor acted like one. I disobeyed. I've wasted things I stole. And I never considered myself as part of the clan. I tried but I never felt like it was natural for me. So I wanna leave."

Yondu kept on silently drinking his mug with the Terran, quiet too. The funerals were ending. Yondu would have to give new orders to his men. He didn't want to. He wished he could stay with Quill, enjoying their last moment together.  
He was really angry at himself for having played it so badly. If he had made the right decisions at the right moments, things could have been so different… What were the things he should have said ? The things he should have done ? He had planned to do so much more with the boy… that couldn't be the end. Not so soon !  
Why couldn't this moment last longer ? Why is everything going so fast when you're completely lost ?… Increasing the chances of messing it all up even more ? 

Yondu thought he couldn't allow never seeing the boy again. It was too late to fix everything but now the Centaurian was sure of it : he wanted to choose Quill. So he told him :  
"Fine, but ya gotta keep collaboratin' with us, boy ! Don't forget ya still owe us."  
"Okay, whatever… If I can leave…" the Terran accepted.  
Peter Quill finished his drink. He got up. He went up the stairs. He was leaving.

Yondu wasn't gonna look at him. He didn't wanna hold him back. He didn't wanna do anything. Still, he felt Quill shooting him one last glance. So he smiled.  
A smile the boy would never see but which meant Yondu was telling him goodbye.  
Telling him he was already kinda proud of the new man Quill would become, because he had always been proud of him and that would never change.  
Telling him he was sorry for always wearing a mask in public and having almost never shown him how much he truly cared.  
Telling him he was sorry he had been lost and had ruined everything.  
Telling him he was sure he would grow into someone fine on his own.  
Telling him how much fun he had over the past twenty years spent with the boy.

… Telling him they would see each other again. 

This wasn't the final goodbye, not yet.


	20. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, finally ! Writing this story has been an awesome experience. I hope you enjoyed it and that you'll like this final chapter too.  
> If you've arrived there after having read all the other chapters, I 'm not sure I can explain how grateful and glad I am ! Thank you so so much !! You all made this adventure even more awesome.

Epilogue : There's so Much You have to Know

He was sitting down on the floor with his back against the wall… He thought so. He wasn't so sure. Everything just felt wrong… unreal… out of place… crazy. Like something had stopped. Like something was missing. The world wasn't balanced anymore and everything would just crumble eventually. Starting with him. He wasn't sure he was properly seeing.  
It was dark. And blurred. And his eyes were still hurting him so he didn't try to open them too much.  
He didn't smell anything at all. He hadn't eaten anything so he had no idea if he would be able to taste food. Right now, eating was the last thing he wanted to do. He had thrown up a couple of minutes ago and he still wanted to vomit except he had nothing left inside his stomach.  
He also felt dizzy. His touch wasn't to be trusted. He couldn't feel his back against the wall nor his ass on the floor… maybe because he was lacking energy. Or just because it seemed odd to him to even think about feeling and touching things right now. He just felt lame. Perturbed. Shocked.  
His hearing was the worst. Some louds were stronger than others but not in the usual way of how sound was supposed to work. And he heard things that weren't even happening. He heard things that had just happened as if they were still in his ears.  
Shivers were running up and down his spine. He was struggling to breath. He often coughed. His chest was in pain, so gasping for air was extremely difficult. But he had to do it. He had to live now. He was unable to speak and he didn't want to think. However he couldn't help but seeing the same things happen over and over again.  
Again. Again. Again. Once more.  
And when he closed his eyes, it was worse. 

"Hey, Pete…"  
… ay… sn't…  
"… what I…"  
… rry… cky…  
Peter pressed his ears with his hands. His hearing truly was the worst. Kraglin (he guessed, he hadn't really looked at who had come) had approached him and he couldn't understand a thing the Xandarian had just said. Inhaling with pain, Peter finally suceeded to say a few words :  
"Can't you just see about it with Rocket or Gamora ?"  
To Peter's dismay, Kraglin went on :  
"No, I…"  
… dn't… ri…  
"… look at…"  
… am… boy…  
Why couldn't Kraglin just go away ?! It was unbearable. Then he thought he felt the Xandarian sitting down next to him.  
Peter decided to try and see so he side glanced : Kraglin was, indeed, sitting close to him. It actually made Peter feel a bit better. To feel someone like Kraglin by his side started to reassure him. His hearing and eyesight were getting better and Kraglin repeated :  
"I wanted ya to see what I just found… whatcha say 'bout it ? May be a good idea ?"  
The Xandarian put his hand just in Peter's range of vision so he could clearly see what Kraglin wanted to show him without even having to turn his head. 

A troll doll ? For the funeral pyre ?  
Wait, wasn't it the exact same one he… 

Yondu had kept it. 

He had kept it. Yondu had kept it all along. Why ? It had just been a silly prank… Because he was a collector ?… Because it reminded him of Peter ?  
Yondu had kept it, just like he had kept the little green figurine from back then, and had put it on his console chair. Which meant that Yondu had kept it because it had been a gift from Peter. Because he really liked him ? 

So, all this time, Peter was being… loved ?  
The whiny eight years old brat, the cocky young man, the ultimate loser, was being loved. So people could really care about him enough to wanna save him, he could still be important to people. They could give a shit about him, protect him, and actually be there for him when he needed it most. Mom had never been the only one to love him. Yondu had really meant what he had said : all this time, Yondu had liked him for who he was.  
He had liked him for being Peter Jason Quill. For all of his flaws. For all of his insecurities. That's probably why he had always refused to call him Star-Lord. He liked him for being Peter. 

And then, that damn thought struck Peter even harder than the electrical force from a Quadblaster : he had always been liked by Yondu ! From the very beginning and until the end ! Yondu had liked him a way nobody else had ever done, was doing and would ever do.  
He started to try and think about everything they had shared from as long ago as he could remember, and it all seemed… different now. Like he had a whole new way of seeing and thinking things. He now interpreted things so differently.  
What had seemed like cruelty was actually softer.  
What had seemed unfair was actually Yondu's way to teach Peter how to survive in this hostile galaxy.  
What had seemed like strictness were actually marks of Yondu's affection for Peter. Hints of how much he cared about him.  
What had seemed like rejection was just because Yondu had been utterly lost too. So lost he had messed many things up. But Peter now understood that the Centaurian's love had actually always been there.  
All this time, Yondu had been what Peter had wanted someone out there to be. What he had needed. Peter had just never really thought about it. Not that he had taken it for granted, he had just lacked a spark of understanding, a new point of view… and now he had it.  
Peter suddenly realized there had been a lot of happy and tender moments. Ones he had just completely rejected years ago. This precise rejection had blurred his way of seeing things for so long. Back then, how could he have even thought for a second that these memories didn't matter ? If he had admitted it sooner, maybe things would have turned out differently ? But no. Peter had just kept on believing all of these moments had been sweet dreams to make him wanna stay with the Ravagers. He had refused to think things might have been more genuine. Feeling that it was making him stronger to deny it all.  
Now he was understanding what Yondu's situation had been. The guy had still made shitty choices, but decisions that Peter could now get and better accept. And, well, in the end… Yondu still did save him, proving that, indeed, it had always been about him. 

There was so much things he had to look back on… So much he had to better grasp to come to terms with what just happened, and pretty much his whole past in space. So much he had to learn from, now that he had gotten it, his new point of view.  
But the Terran was just wishing he had more cherished these moments.  
It had been real, all this time. 

It hadn't been a lie, an illusion, a sweet dream : he really had a father.

This thought. This precise thought made Peter break into tears once again. He wept. Everything hurt.  
His eyes hurt.  
His chest hurt.  
His head hurt.  
His heart hurt.  
The sudden realization that was changing his perspective on a large part of his own life hurt.  
He couldn't hold his sobs. It was stronger than him. It was like he actually needed it. Like it was filling some sort of a gap. As if he had been supposed to sob more over the past few years than he had done, as if he was catching up to all these times when he hadn't cried. To a point where it almost felt good to cry. If it hadn't been for the pain of weeping for the umpteenth time of the same freaking day…  
Peter's touch was back. He knew it because he felt Kraglin's arms surrounding his shoulders. The Xandarian brought Peter's face to his chest and wrapped the Terran with all of his support and comfort. And Peter kept on sobbing. He couldn't stop. Even though being hugged by Kraglin like that was very soothing and made him feel a little better, he couldn't stop. Even though he knew Kraglin was probably the one who was understanding him the most right now, he couldn't stop. Even though Kraglin was surely in a lot of pain too but was still able not to cry, he couldn't stop.

Peter then grabbed the troll doll without saying a thing. Even if he wanted to, the Terran wasn't able to speak since his throat was hurting so much. There really was nothing else he could do than just letting the frustration, the sadness and the regrets out. Kraglin said nothing either and let him hold it. The Xandarian was still hugging him, while Peter was holding the troll doll tight and deadening his painful sobs against Kraglin's chest.  
He squished it real hard. As hard as he had squished the little green figurine on the day of his arrival on the Elector. 

He had squished the figurine, now he was squishing the troll doll.

He had been grieving for his Mom, now he was grieving for his Dad.


End file.
